Day: April 24, 2024

Smoke Detector Emergecy

Fandango17 Comments

Last night at around 3:15 am my wife and I were abruptly woken up by the sound of the smoke detector chirping away. Don’t you hate when that happens in the middle of the night and never during the day?

Nothing was on fire, there was no smell of smoke anywhere. It was just time to change the battery. I suppose. Our smoke detectors are hardwired to our home’s electrical system, so when one smoke alarm starts chirping, all five of them start chirping. What a racket they were all making at 3:15 in the morning!

Because they are hardwired, in theory, the 9-volt batteries that are in the smoke detectors are for backup purposes in case there is a power failure. So I’m not sure why the damn thing started chirping, but the only thing I could think of doing was to replace the backup battery.

Unfortunately, we have vaulted ceilings in our master bedroom and the smoke detector is mounted high on the wall, maybe about 15 feet up. So, my wife and I schlepped our heavy-duty ladder from the garage to the master bedroom, and I set it up so that we could reach the smoke detector way up there.

With my history on ladders, the task of reaching the smoke detector, removing the old battery, and replacing it with a fresh battery fell to Mrs. Fandango with me as her spotter. The brave woman climbed up the ladder, removed the old battery, pushed the “flush” button to clear its memory and reset the device, and then successfully inserted the fresh battery. No humans were injured in the process.

I spent most of today researching new smoke detectors on the internet. We want to get the kind that also detects carbon monoxide, which our existing smoke detectors do not do. I was not only checking out the different brands that can be hardwired, but also finding out which models support being connected through WiFi to a smartphone app so that, should the damn thing start chirping in the middle of the night, I can go to the app on my iPhone and tell the detector to shut the fuck up!

And I was watching dozens of YouTube DIY videos so that I could install them myself. It seems pretty straightforward. But my wife was not very enthusiastic about me taking on a DIY project that involves climbing up on ladders and doing some household rewiring. “I can just see you nearly electrocuting yourself, falling from the ladder onto the hardwood floor, and busting your other hip — or worse.”

So tomorrow I’m going to call an electrician to get a quote for installing whatever brand of smoke & CO detector I decide on so that I neither burn down my house nor kill myself.

A2Z Challenge — The Letter U

Fandango13 Comments

I am unofficially participating in this year’s A to Z Challenge. My theme this year is girlfriends.

U is for Ursala

If, when you hear the name “Ursula,” you envision actress Ursula Andress from the 1962 James Bond movie, “Dr. No,” then wipe your mind clean. The Ursula I’m talking about is not even close.

I was at Ft. Dix in New Jersey for my two-week Army Reserves summer camp. Two other guys in my unit and I were at a bar and grill just outside of the base. We had gone there to wind down at the end of the day. We’d ordered some food and a round of draught beers and were getting ready to order a second round when the waitress came over with another round. “The lady sitting at the table over there,” the waitress said, pointing to a woman on the other side of the room, “her name is Ursula and she says this round is on her.”

The three of us looked over at the woman the waitress had pointed out. She was grossly obese. We each held up our full mugs and smiled at her. Then we huddled together and marveled at how fat she was. Then the guy sitting across from me said, “Heads up, she’s coming over.”

A minute later this huge girl — she had to weigh at least 300 pounds — sat down, introduced herself as Ursula, and began talking to us about how fat she was. She told us she was a member of the National Association for the Advancement of Fat People. Then she asked if any of us had sex with a fat woman, and said, “There’s an old saying: once you go fat, you never go back. Why don’t we all go back to my place and I’ll show you why?”

One of the guys told Ursula the he was married. The other said he was engaged. Ursula looked at me and I told her I was single, and upon hearing that she moved her chair next to mine, put her fat hand between my legs, and started rubbing and squeezing me. “How about you, soldier?” she asked, containing to rub me. “I’ll get you back to base in time to make roll call in the morning.”

The other two guys were encouraging me to go with her and I was giving it some serious thought. I’d never been with a really fat girl and I was trying to visualize in my mind’s eye what it would be like.

I was on the verge of saying yes, just for the experience of having sex with a morbidly obese woman, when a big fight involving half a dozen soldiers broke out on the other side of the bar. The guys I was with stood up and said they were leaving and if I wanted a ride back to the base, I’d need to leave with them. I looked at Ursula, shrugged my shoulders, and thanked her for the beers, and then quickly followed the other two guys out to the car.

I guess.on that night, I was saved by the brawl.

Previous 2024 A2Z posts: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T

FOWC with Fandango — Equation

Fandango13 Comments
FOWC

Welcome to Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (aka, FOWC). I will be posting each day’s word just after midnight Pacific Time (U.S.).

Today’s word is “equation.”

Write a post using that word. It can be prose, poetry, fiction, non-fiction. It can be any length. It can be just a picture or a drawing if you want. No holds barred, so to speak.

Once you are done, tag your post with #FOWC and create a pingback to this post if you are on WordPress. Please check to confirm that your pingback is there. If not, ÿplease manually add your link in the comments.

And be sure to read the posts of other bloggers who respond to this prompt. Show them some love.