SoCS — My Least Favorite Body Parts

For this week’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt, Linda G. Hill has asked us to pick a body part and talk about it. I’m going to talk about toes.

I’m not a fan of toes. They are my least favorite body parts. First of all, they have toenails that must be cut almost as often as fingernails must be cut. But toes, being at the very tip of your foot, which is at the end of your leg, are simply too far away to take a pair of clippers and to effectively trim their nails without being a contortionist.

And toenails are m also thicker and bigger than fingernails — at least mine are — meaning that a regular fingernail clipper will not suffice. You have to have a dedicated toenail clipper.

And then there is the unpleasant task of washing between your toes. Again, they’re hard to reach while standing in the shower, so I sort of ignore washing my toes. I just hope that enough soapy water runs down my legs when I’m showering that my toes get relatively cleaned.

And unlike my hands, on which I use soothing hand lotion once or twice a day, I don’t often use hand lotion on my feet. Hence, the skin between my toes tends to get dry and flaky.

I’ve asked my wife if she might consider clipping my toenails for me or at least slathering my toes in hand lotion every now and then to keep the skin between my toes from cracking. But she has told me in no uncertain terms that she wants to have nothing to do with my toes. She doesn’t want to touch my toes or even look at them.

The only good thing about toes is that they are far enough away from my nose that if they smell bad from having spent day after day being stuffed inside my shoes, I can’t smell them.

Did I mention that toes are funny looking?

SoCS — Regrets

If only
If only I had
If only I had said yes instead of no
I only I had look ahead instead of back
If only I had done this instead of that
If only I had listened to you instead of to them
If only I had gone away instead of staying here
If only I had moved on instead of waiting around
If only I had believed in myself instead of doubting
If only I had lived my dreams instead of denying them
If only I had
If only

Written for Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt, where Linda has asked us to start our post with the word “If.” Photo credit:

SoCS — Lid

For today’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt from Linda G. Hill, we are given the word “lid.” Linda then instructs us to “use it in the literal sense, use it in the metaphorical sense, use it any way you’d like.”

Hank was sitting in his living room intently watching the first playoff game between the San Francisco Giants and the Los Angeles Dodgers on TV. It was the top of the sixth inning and the Giants were holding on to a slim two run lead. Margaret, who didn’t particularly like baseball and was totally bored watching the game, started jabbering away about something that her sister had told her about in an email. Margaret’s voice was very distracting to Hank and he was having trouble hearing the play-by-play announcer. “Shh,” he said, trying to hush her up, but she kept talking.

The Dodgers had two on with only one out and Hank couldn’t concentrate on the game, so he snapped at her. “For crissake, woman, put a lid on it, will you please?”

Margaret looked confused. She got up and walked into the kitchen, looked the stove, and saw that the lid was, indeed, on the large pot in which she was preparing a beef stew for tomorrow night’s extended family dinner. She then walked back into the living room and said to Hank, “No need to worry, dear, I just checked and the lid is already on the pot.”

As she said that, the Giants’ left fielder made an outstanding catch up against the wall, robbing the batter of what was almost a three run homer that would have put the Dodgers in the lead. “Jesus, Margaret, how fucking stupid are you,” he yelled. “You always take things so literally. I wasn’t talking about the stupid lid on the pot in the kitchen, I was speaking metaphorically, trying to get you to shut the fuck up while I’m watching the goddam ballgame. You just made me miss that unbelievable play in left field.”

Margaret was visibly shaken by her husband’s angry words and his vile language. Tears streaming down her cheeks, she ran back into the kitchen to try and gather herself. After a few moments calm had returned. She put on an oven mit and lifted the lid from the pot and walked into the living, positioned herself behind Hank’s Lazy Boy, and clocked him upside the head with the pot’s heavy lid.

Hank fell to the floor, his eyes rolling in their sockets. Then he lost consciousness. Margaret looked down at the now lifeless body of her husband and said aloud. “Yes, Hank, I am a very literal person. You told me to put a lid on it and you got exactly what you asked for.”

SoCS — The Eulogy

I am honored to be giving the eulogy at the funeral of my good friend and mentor, Antony Bellomucci. For those of you who knew him, he was a strong and admirable man who could inspire each and every person he came in contact with. All of us who worked with him and who loved him, have tried, in our own ways, to aspire to be like him. But alas, as with everything in life, there comes a time when the baton must be passed and when new blood must take over. Let us all pray for our late Antony Bellomucci, whose time to expire had arrived. His will be big shoes to fill, but, alas, he now swims with the fishes and I have taken over as the new godfather.

Written for Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt. This week, Dan Antion, from No Facilities, is subbing for Linda and he has given us the words “inspire/aspire/expire” and asked us to use one, two, or all three in our post.

SoCS — Near and Far

Am I the only one who thinks it is strange that being nearsighted means you can’t clearly see things that are far away and that being farsighted means you can’t clearly see things that are very near? Well, now that I’ve read what I just wrote, it doesn’t seem strange at all, does it?

Are you nearsighted or farsighted? I am both, actually. When I was younger, I used to wear contact lenses for distance vision, and reading glasses (aka cheaters) for close reading. But these days, I wear glasses with “progressive” lenses.

Back in the day people like me, who are both nearsighted and farsighted would have to wear bifocals. These had a very visible line that showed up about two-thirds of the way down the lenses.

The top two-thirds of the lenses were to correct for nearsightedness and the bottom third was to correct for farsightedness.

But modern progressive lenses correct for nearsightedness, farsightedness, and just about everything in between. And with no visible line!

I do have a confession to make. While my progressive lenses are great for my nearsightedness, they’re not as effective when it comes to addressing my farsightedness. So, when I need to read something near, whether it’s a newspaper, a magazine, a book, or my iPhone, I can see it better when I remove my glasses completely than when I leave them on and try to read through that “sweet spot” that is supposed to correct for reading things up close.

Anyway, if you’ve read this far, I hope you will forgive me for having written one of my most boring posts ever.

Written for Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt, where we are asked to use “near,” use “far,” or use them both in our response.