It Must Be True, I Saw It on Fox News

“We are witnessing the burial of individual freedom in our country due to all of these mandates to wear masks and get vaccinated,” William said, disgorging phlegm from his throat and spitting it on the ground at my feet.

“Your crazy conspiracy theories beliefs are as distasteful as your gross habits,” I said. “I totally dispute your notion of lost personal freedoms. Do you vaccinate your children for measles and chicken pox?”

“It’s not the same,” William said. “Measles and chicken pox are real. This whole COVID nonsense is a liberal hoax.”

“Again, that’s crazy,” I said. “But if you’re so concerned about individual freedoms, why are you opposed to women having the freedom to choose to have an abortion?”

“Because abortion is the murder of innocent babies and I’m opposed to murder,” William said.

“And yet you’re in favor of capital punishment and you have no problem with people someone like Kyle Rittenhouse shooting and killing non-violent protesters. Plus, you are opposed to common sense gun laws.”

“Gun ownership is a fundamental right guaranteed by the Constitution,” William said. “I own four guns and you better believe, I got skills, so you better watch what you say next.”

“Ooh, I’m shaking in my boots,” I said, mocking fear. “Let me ask you, would you use your skills to defend Americans’ right to vote, which is also in the Constitution?”

“Not illegal votes, fraudulent votes, or votes by people who aren’t real Americans,” William said.

“Like white Americans, you mean?” I said.

“It was my ancestors, not theirs, who made this country great,” William said.

“I think you need to break the chains tying you to Fox News and try to come back to reality here on Earth One,” I said.

“Fox News is like the Bible,” William said. “It speaks only the gospel truth.”

All I could do was shake my head in despair. This country is in deep doo doo, I thought.

Written for these daily prompts: The Daily Spur (burial), Ragtag Daily Prompt (freedom), E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (disgorge), Word of the Day Challenge (tasteful), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (dispute), Scott’s Daily Prompt (I got skills, and My Vivid Blog (chains).

Photo credit: JUSTIN LANE/EPA-EFE/REX/Shutters.

That Didn’t Go As Planned

Betsy was on a mission to throw her daughter the best sweet sixteen party ever. She and Alyssa had been having a rather strained relationship of late. Raising a teenage daughter was a challenge for any parent, and Betsy was hoping that a big bash would smooth things over between the two of them.

The last thing Betsy wanted was for her Alyssa’s sweet sixteen party to be something merely repetitive of all of the other lame sweet sixteen parties that her friends’ parents threw for their daughters. No way. So forget about being sensible. This was going to be a totally skookum, bordering on fatuous, party.

Betsy planned it out to the most minute detail. She wanted the party to be a huge surprise for her daughter and she couldn’t wait, when the night of the party arrived, to see the look of joy that she knew would overspread Alyssa’s face.

But when her daughter entered the ballroom that her mother had reserved for the party, Alyssa burst out crying. And they weren’t tears of joy.

“Oh mother,” Alyssa cried, “this is so over the top, so gawdy, so ostentatious. This is an embarrassment. How could you do this to me? I hate you!”

Written for these daily prompts: JusJoJan (mission), Scott’s Daily Prompt (sweet sixteen), The Daily Spur (smooth) Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (repetitive), My Vivid Blog (sensible), Ragtag Daily Prompt (skookum), Word of the Day Challenge (fatuous), and E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (overspread). Photo credit: Pinterest.

Who’s the Victim Here?

“Okay, so tell me what happened” the police officer said.

“As I was passing by the alley minding my own business,” she said, “an arm shot out, grabbed me, pulled me into the alley, and threw me up against the wall. I thought he was going to rape me.”

She began to sob, but then regained control. “He grabbed my purse, ripped my necklace from around my neck, and then told me to remove my watch and ring and give them to him. And then he just slipped away toward the back of the alley.”

“Can you describe him?” The police officer asked.

“He was heavy, maybe 250 pounds. He had a bad complexion, lots of acne, the kind of zits that ooze pus. And his breath was rancid.”

“Did you catch the color of his eyes or hair,” the officer asked.

“They were brown and the whites of his eyes had a tinge of red, like he was stoned. He had on a knit cap, so I couldn’t see what color his hair was.”

“When he spoke, did he have an accent?”

“No, but his vocabulary was atrocious, for what it’s worth.”

“Okay, so despite the fact that you are very provocatively dressed, his motive apparently was not rape,” the office said.

“Wait, are you suggesting that, by the way I am dressed, I was looking for trouble?” the woman indignantly asked. “Listen, I’m not the one who was breaking the law here. I am the victim and I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“What I’m saying,” the officer said, “is that a pretty woman like you, walking alone at two in the morning and wearing a skimpy tank top and tight jean shorts, makes an attractive target for certain types of men.”

“By certain types of men,” she said, “do you mean men like you?”

Written for Jim Adams’ Thursday Inspiration, where the word is “top” and the photo above. Also for these daily prompts: Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (slip), The Daily Spur (heavy), Word of the Day Challenge (complexion), Ragtag Daily Prompt (ooze), Your Daily Word prompt (tinge), My Vivid Blog (vocabulary), E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (motive), JusJoJan (looking), and Scott’s Daily Prompt (breaking the law).

Fatherly Advice

“You need to learn to apply yourself, Teddy,” Alan said. “Don’t let anyone block your path or you’ll be in jeopardy of failing. Life offers us a preponderance of evidence that sometimes lines must be crossed to achieve your goals. You should avoid acting on impulse and instead carefully plan how to scintillate and to stand out in order to get what’s coming to you.”

Elizabeth looked at her husband and said, “Jeez, Alan, he’s not going into politics. He’s three years old and he’s starting pre-school today.” Then she looked at her young son and said, “Would you like me to make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch, honey?”

“Thanks, Mommy,” Teddy said and hugged his mother.

Written for these daily prompts: Scott’s Daily Prompt (apply yourself), Ragtag Daily Prompt (block), Word of the Day Challenge (jeopardy), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (preponderance), My Vivid Blog (lines), E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (impulse), Your Daily Word Prompt (scintillate), and The Daily Spur (jelly). Image credit:

A Fair Trial

“Look, we may be in a crisis situation, but, son, as we enter litigation,” Bruno’s mother said,” it’s imperative that we don’t allow ourselves to become too maudlin about it. I did some eavesdropping when our attorney was talking to the DA and he said that our petition has been submitted to the court and we may get a change of venue. And that’s a good sign, Bruno.”

“You weave a great tale, Mama, but it’s a fiction,” Bruno said. “It’s folly to think that I’ll get a fair trial and that this will all work out, even with a delay and change of venue. Daddy was abusing you and he was a mean sombitch who deserved what I did to him. I shoulda done it sooner. Mama, I get no joy in telling you this, but I’m jumping bail and going on the lam.”

Written for these daily prompts: Scott’s Daily Prompt (in a crisis), The Daily Spur (litigation), Your Daily Word Prompt (imperative), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (maudlin), My Vivid Blog (eavesdropping), Word of the Day Challenge (petition), E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (weave), Ragtag Daily Prompt (folly), and JusJoJan (joy).