I Told You So

Ryan ran into the bathroom and vomited into the toilet bowl. When he felt there was nothing left to throw up but bile, he sat back on his haunches, breathing heavily and sweating profusely.

His wife, Michelle, waked into the bathroom to see how he was doing. “Oh my god, Ryan, flush the damn toilet. That shit smells putrid.”

“I feel awful,” Ryan said. “Can you please cut me some slack?”

Michelle reached around her husband and flushed the toilet. Then she stood back and put her hands on her hips. “I hate to say I told you so, but I did try to explain to you how important is was to get a flu vaccine this year. I even gave you a copy of that article about how severe this year’s flu strain is expected to be. They said it was crucial for everyone, especially people of our age, to get a flu shot. But did you listen? No, of course not. You always have to play the part of the macho man. And now here you are, sick as a dog and stuck in the bathroom with your arms wrapped around the porcelain goddess. It serves you right for being such a stubborn asshole.”

With a pitiful expression on his face, Ryan looked up at his wife and had just enough time to sarcastically say, “Thanks, honey, for all that slack you’re cutting me,” before throwing up once again into the toilet.


Written for these daily prompts: Ragtag Daily Prompt (flush), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (putrid), Word of the Day Challenge (explain), The Daily Spur (copy), MMA Storytime (vaccine), and Your Daily Word Prompt (crucial).

Sunday Writing Prompt — Industrial Espionage

It was no contest, especially since Herman Kramer had planted a mole at the other architecture firm. The mole was the perfect resource for obtaining the details of the plans that the competing firm for the bid on the new courthouse would be submitting.

As the members representing the two firms sat on opposite sides of the table in the large conference room, the procurement officer for the state, who was sitting at the head of the table started to speak. “I have some unfortunate news to share with you,” he said. “It seems that the procedures for this bid process have been violated.” The procurement officer gave an icy stare in Herman’s direction.

Herman felt as if the ambient temperature in the room had suddenly doubled and he began to sweat. “Is there a problem with one of the bids?” Herman asked.

“You should know, Mr. Kramer,” the procurement officer said. “Your firm’s bid is verbatim the bid of the other firm, literally word for word, but your financial terms are about five percent lower. I can only surmise that your firm has committed industrial espionage and has illegally obtained the other firm’s bid.”

“Sir,” Herman objected, “my firm and I would never succumb to such desperate measures, I can assure you.”

The procurement officer nodded to one of his associates who was standing by the door. The associate opened the door and into the conference room walked Herman’s mole. “The jig is up, Mr. Kramer,” the procurement officer said. “Your man here was caught making photocopies of your competitor’s proposal, and he admitted that he was working for you.” Two officers of the law came in and started to escort Herman Kramer out of the conference room.

As he was being escorted out, Herman passed the mole who had confessed. “You little snitch,” Herman hissed, “you may be feeling festive now, but you will live to regret this.”


Written for the Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Sunday Writing Prompt, where the theme is “contest.” Also for these daily prompts: Word of the Day Challenge (architecture), The Daily Spur (resource), Your Daily Word Prompt (ambient), Ragtag Daily Prompt (snitch), and MMA Storytime (festive).

Weekend Writing Prompt — Elevate the Dialogue

“We need to have a conversation, sir,” an aide said. “Things are getting dire and you barely have a modicum of respect. You need to elevate the dialogue.”

Levitate?”

“No, sir, not levitate, elevate, as in to raise the level by trying to weave some rationality and truth into your speeches.”

“Stop trying to blame me. You’re fired.”

(58 words)


Written for Sammi Cox’s Weekend Writing Prompt, where the word is “dire.”Also for these daily prompts: MMA Storytime (conversation), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (modicum), Your Daily Word Prompt (levitate), The Daily Spur (raise), Ragtag Daily Prompt (weaves) and Word of the Day Challenge (blame).

Setting Up for His Next Super-Spreader

“Did you get the measurements of the arena yet?” Steve asked his intern? “I need to ascertain the optimal speaker size for the sound system. I’ll need to achieve the best sound for the size of the room. There’s a delicate balance when it comes to speaker size and fidelity and I want to make sure we are able to amplify his words to the greatest extent possible yet still make sure the people attending the rally will hear what he says clearly.”

“I don’t know why you’re whipping yourself into such a frenzy,” the intern said. “Most of what he says is bullshit, anyway, and now that he’s a lame duck, all he does is rehash the same leftovers he’s been spewing for the past five years.”

“Just do your job, Jack, if you want to keep it,” Steve demanded.

“Fine,” Jack said, handing Steve a piece of papers with the arena’s measurements on them. “I don’t know why you’re worried about fidelity. The only fidelity this guy has ever shown is toward himself. Just ask his ex-wives and all the people he’s fired by tweet. The best thing you can do is to just shut off the microphones.”


Written for these daily prompts: Ragtag Daily Prompt (ascertain), The Daily Spur (room), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (fidelity), Your Daily Word Prompt (amplify), Word of the Day (frenzy), and MMA Storytime (leftovers).

In a Pinch

“You idiot! You totally burned the gravy,” Sarah yelled at her brother. “Why can’t you ever pay attention to what your supposed to be doing instead of having your eyes always glued to your phone?”

“Hey, I’m only human, you know,” Aaron said. “Besides, I was trying to retrieve an interesting article that just flashed across my newsfeed.”

“Bullshit!” Sarah said, grabbing Aaron’s phone from out of his hand and looking at his screen. “Just as I thought, you liar. You were looking at Twitter.”

“What’s the big deal?” Aaron asked. “Your problem is that you’re too uptight, Sarah. You need to learn to be more footloose and fancy free, like me.”

“Someone in this family has to show some responsibility, and it’s definitely not you,” Sarah said. “People are going to be arriving soon and now we have no gravy for the turkey and mashed potatoes.”

“No problem,” Aaron said. He opened up a kitchen cabinet and pulled out a large jar of gravy. “It’s not homemade, but it will do in a pinch, right?”


Written for these daily prompts: The Daily Spur (idiot), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (gravy), Ragtag Daily Prompt (human), Your Daily Word Prompt (retrieve), Word of the Day Challenge (footloose), and MMA Storytime (family).

Also written for Paula Light’s Thursday Inspiration, where her theme is “learn.”