Humor

Fibbing Friday — Why Is it?

Fandango22 Comments

Di (aka Pensitivity101) hosts Fibbing Friday, a silly little exercise where we are to write a post with our answers to the ten questions below. But as the title suggests, truth is not an option. The idea is to fib a little, a lot, tell whoppers, be inventive, silly, or even outrageous, in our responses. For this week’s Fibbing Friday, Di wants to know…

1. Why were people given middle names? Because back in the day, as the population grew, there weren’t enough names to go around, so people began adding a middle name in order to create a unique name for each individual.

2. Why do we cover our mouths when we yawn? So flies won’t fly into our wide opened mouths.

3. Why do we say ‘Bless You’ when somebody sneezes? I don’t. I say “kazoo.”

4. Why do we wear a wedding ring on the third finger of the left hand? Because if the ring was worn on the middle finger, it might be mistaken for a rude gesture when showing off your wedding ring to a friend or family member.

5. What was the original use of wind chimes? To let people know to bring in the wash that was drying on the line outside before gusts of wind blew them away.

6. What was the original purpose of bridesmaids? To be there to apprehend the bride in case she got cold feet at the last minute and tried to run away.

7. What is the significance of the first butterfly of the year you see being white? If the first butterfly you see is not white, that means that there will be six more weeks of winter weather before spring-like weather arrives.

8. What does it mean if your right ear itches? That you have a mosquito bite on your right ear.

9. Why is Good Friday a good day to cut your hair? So that you will have a good Saturday and a good Sunday.

10. What should you give a friend who gives you a knife as a gift? A fork and a spoon.

Fibbing Friday — New Year’s Fibs

Fandango7 Comments

Di (aka Pensitivity101) hosts Fibbing Friday, a silly little exercise where we are to write a post with our answers to the ten questions below. But as the title suggests, truth is not an option. The idea is to fib a little, a lot, tell whoppers, be inventive, silly, or even outrageous, in our responses. For this first Fibbing Friday of 2023, Di wants to know…

1. Aurora Borealis is also known as Boring Betty with the big bright eyes.

2. Who was Farouk Balsara? He was the first (and last) democratically elected president of Belarus.

3. Chasing Cars is by which group? Pack of Dogs

4. What is Detritus? It’s a type of dental floss used by teenagers who wear braces on their teeth.

5. Eggplant is also known as scrambled zucchini.

6. Who is Filbert Fox? He is the founder of the 20th Century Fox movie studio.

7. Gentoo is a what? It’s a very large kazoo.

8. Rutabaga is also called an “everything bagel.”

9. What is IPlayer? Someone who is addicted to playing games on their iPhone or iPad.

10. Jambo is a greeting in which language? Gibberish

Fibbing Friday — Occupations

Fandango7 Comments

Di (aka Pensitivity101) hosts Fibbing Friday, a silly little exercise where we are to write a post with our answers to the ten questions below. But as the title suggests, truth is not an option. The idea is to fib a little, a lot, tell whoppers, be inventive, silly, or even outrageous, in our responses. For this final Fibbing Friday of 2022, Di is asking about different occupations.

1. What is a dentist? Someone who works in an autobody shop and specializes in repairing dents and dings in car bodies.

2. What is a paralegal? A person who is legally certified to teach people how to jump out of airplanes using parachutes.

3. What is a nanny? An annoying child who goes around ridiculing others by repeating the words “nanny, nanny” over and over again.

4. What is an auditor? A specialist who helps fit people with hearing aids

5. What is a programmer? Someone who binge watches TV programs all day long day after day.

6. What is a cartographer? A street vendor who sells items off of a pushcart.

7. What is a musician? A magician whose props are primarily musical instruments.

8. What is a cordwainer? A person whose job it is to wind cords around spindles.

9. What is a taxidermist? A cab driver.

10. What is a penciller? An artisan who designs fancy, expensive fountain pens.

Fibbing Friday — Carols and Songs

Fandango6 Comments

Di (aka Pensitivity101) hosts Fibbing Friday, a silly little exercise where we are to write a post with our answers to the ten questions below. But as the title suggests, truth is not an option. The idea is to fib a little, a lot, tell whoppers, be inventive, silly, or even outrageous, in our responses. As Christmas is just two days away, Di is asking about Christmas carols and songs.

What were these carols about?

1. Away in a Manger — This is about taking a vacation and, due to a mixup by the travel agent, the only place in town available for the family to stay for the night was a horse barn.
2. Hark the Herald Angels Sing — This is a mondegreen, or a misheard lyric. It’s actually about two teenage boys, Mark and Harold, who have voices like angels when they sing.
3. O Little Town of Bethlehem — This is the official song for the town of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania and it is sung at the beginning of every town council meeting.
4. Silent Night — This is about a man who has suffered from tinnitus in both ears for years, and then one night, like a miracle, the ringing in his ears suddenly stopped and he experienced his first truly silent night in decades.
5. While Shepherds Watched — This is the sad tale of a bunch of shepherds who watched one of their fellow shepherds have sex with a ewe.

What were these songs really about?

6. Mistletoe and Wine — This is a song about how a mother responded when her child asked how he was conceived.
7. Jingle Bell Rock — This is a song about an erotic dance move made by a stripper named Jingle Bell.
8. Walking in a Winter Wonderland — This song is about a guy who lost control of his car during a snowstorm and got stuck in a snow bank. He abandoned his car and walked home that wintry night.
9. Santa Baby — This song is about what the mother named her child that was conceived as a result of mistletoe and wine. (See #6 above.)
10. Frosty the Snowman — This was the original working title to a song that was eventually recorded by Fleetwood Mac and featured the late Christine McVie as lead singer. It was renamed “Over My Head” before being released. The song’s opening lyrics are “You can take me to the paradise/And then again you can be cold as ice.”

SoCS — Anyway Whatever

Fandango13 Comments

“Anyways,” Thomas said, looking at his watch, “I gotta scoot. It’s way later than I thought it was.”

“It’s ‘anyway,’ not ‘anyways,’” Veronica said.

“Whatever,” Thomas said as he was putting on his coat.

“No, it’s not whatever, Thomas,” Veronica said. “The word is ‘anyway.’ ‘Anyways’ is nonstandard. It’s a colloquialism, and while it’s not entirely wrong, it’s just not a real word. It’s not the correct word.”

“Whatevs, Veronica,” Thomas said. “Why do you always have to be such a stickler all the time. It’s no biggie.”

“‘Whatevs’? Seriously?” Veronica said. “Thomas, do you want people to think you’re ignorant. I know I can be a bit pedantic at times, but using an incorrect word like ‘anyways’ when the correct word is ‘anyway’ just makes you sound uneducated.”

“Irregardless, Veronica, I really have to split,” Thomas said.

“Oh my God, Thomas,” Veronica said, “‘Irregardless’ is not a legitimate word. The correct word is ‘regardless.’ Irregardless is nonsensical.”

“Listen, Veronica,” Thomas said, “you’re really starting to piss me off. For all intensive purposes people understand what I mean and for someone who is supposably so intelligible, you should understand that.” Thomas then walked out of Veronica’s place, slamming the door behind him.

Veronica stood there staring at the closed door for a moment, kind of stunned. Then she sighed and said in a low whisper, “Anyway, it should be ‘for all intents and purposes,’ ‘supposedly,’ and ‘intelligent,’ Thomas.”

Written for Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt, where our task is to “start your post with the word ‘anyway.’”