“You can observe a lot by just watching.”
Yogi Berra, American baseball player, manager, and coach
Written for Linda G. Hill’s One-Liner Wednesday prompt.
One-Liner Wednesday — Yogi-ism
Humor
Fibbing Friday — October Fibs
Frank (aka PCGuy) and Di (aka Pensitivity101) alternate as hosts for Fibbing Friday, a silly little exercise where we are to write a post with our answers to the ten questions below. But as the title suggests, truth is not an option. The idea is to fib a little, a lot, tell whoppers, be inventive, silly, or even outrageous, in our responses. Today is Frank’s turn to host and here are his questions.
1. Exactly what did Columbus do in 1492?
He took the world’s very first hot air balloon ride.
2. Why does Canada celebrate Thanksgiving in October rather than November as the US does?
Because Canadians want to give thanks for not honoring a guy who did terrible things to native people in the new world.
3. Why do we carve pumpkins into Jack-o-lanterns for Halloween?
It’s an annual October ritual that pays tribute to the all-knowing, all-seeing, omnipresent, omnipotent Great Pumpkin for having blessed us with pumpkin spice.
4. If “octo-” means eight, then why is October the tenth month?
Because Pope Gregory XIII, who introduced the Gregorian calendar in October 1582, didn’t speak Latin.
5. Why do kids dress up in costumes and go trick-or-treating on Halloween?
Because that was one of the Great Pumpkin’s commandments Linus brought down from Mount Pumpkin Patch.
6. What is the movie, “Hocus Pocus” about?
It’s biopic about the world’s greatest magician who coined that phrase and repeated it after every feat of magic he performed.
7. In the Movie, “Halloween,” why was Michael Myers sent to an insane asylum when he was only six years old?
Because he attempted to destroy with world’s supply of pumpkin spice that was bestowed upon us by the all-knowing, all-seeing, omnipresent, omnipotent Great Pumpkin.
8. Continuing from the previous question, what did Myers do when he escaped approximately fifteen years later?
He tried to atone for his crime by opening up a Starbucks that, for the month October each year, gave away pumpkin spice lattes.
9. What was the movie, “Lost Boys” about?
It was about a group of boys who got lost. Duh!
10. According to legend, why don’t vampires have a reflection?
Because vampires are very shallow and don’t spend any time reflecting upon the ramifications of their evil deeds.
Who Won the Week — 10/10/2021
The idea behind Who Won the Week is to give you the opportunity to select who (or what) you think “won” this past week. Your selection can be anyone or anything — politicians, celebrities, athletes, authors, bloggers, your friends or family members, books, movies, TV shows, businesses, organizations, whatever.
I will be posting this prompt on Sunday mornings (my time). If you want to participate, write your own post designating who you think won the week and why you think they deserve your nod. Then link back to this post and tag you post with FWWTW.
Let’s have some fun this week. My Who Won The Week pick for this week is flatulence. Well, actually it’s Paul Oldfield, better known by his stage name Mr. Methane. Oldfield is a British flatulist or “professional farter.”
I read an article this week about Paul Oldfield, a 55 British fellow who discovered his superpower as a teen when he realized during yoga that he could suck in air on both ends of his body. After discovering his newfound ability, he performed twenty rapid-fire farts in under a minute for a group of his friends.
In the the late 1980s, after years of work in the railway industry, Oldfield turned professional, performing as Mr. Methane. While in New York, he appeared as a guest on The Howard Stern Show as the “British Blaster.” He also performed a series of fart acts on Broadway.
Oldfield still travels the world to showcase his unusual talent and is known for performing popular songs by altering the tone and pitch of his farts. One of his most popular parodies is Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight.”
Mr. Methane’s act sounds like a winner to me! It probably doesn’t smell like a winner, though.
What about you? Who (or what) do you think won the week?
Fibbing Friday — Read Any Good Books Lately?
Frank (aka PCGuy) and Di (aka Pensitivity101) alternate as hosts for Fibbing Friday, a silly little exercise where we are to write a post with our answers to the ten questions below. But as the title suggests, truth is not an option. The idea is to fib a little, a lot, tell whoppers, be inventive, silly, or even outrageous, in our responses. Today is Di’s turn to host and here are her questions. She’s given us book titles and wants to know what the books are about.
1. A Tale of Two Cities
This is the history of the baseball rivalry between the Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees.
2. Pride and Prejudice
This is the story of a prideful black family and the prejudice they had to overcome.
3. Little Women
This is a book of short stories about highly successful women with dwarfism.
4. The Carpetbaggers
This is a biography of William Hoover, inventor of the upright vacuum cleaner.
5. What Katy Did Next
This is the title of singer Katy Perry’s second album.
6. Dune
This is the heartwarming story of a mentally handicapped young man who found a rewarding career and a fulfilling life as the caretaker of the Ft. Lauderdale beach on Florida’s east coast.
7. Cider with Rosie
Rosie O’Hare inherited a small apple orchard from her father and turned it into a fortune by brewing, bottling, and selling cannabis-infused apple cider.
8. Far from the Madding Crowd
Stewart’s mother warned him not to go to the protest march, but he didn’t listen and found himself on an unexpected adventure when he got swept up into the crowd of angry demonstrators.
9. Jaws
The compelling tales of a highway rescue team that had to use the Jaws of Life to free accident victims from car crashes.
10. The Lord of the Rings
A multigenerational story about the rise and fall of a family of jewelers in the New York City diamond district.
Fandango’s Flashback Friday — October 8th
Wouldn’t you like to expose your newer readers to some of your earlier posts that they might never have seen? Or remind your long term followers of posts that they might not remember? Each Friday I will publish a post I wrote on this exact date in a previous year.
How about you? Why don’t you reach back into your own archives and highlight a post that you wrote on this very date in a previous year? You can repost your Friday Flashback post on your blog and pingback to this post. Or you can just write a comment below with a link to the post you selected.
If you’ve been blogging for less than a year, go ahead and choose a post that you previously published on this day (the 8th) of any month within the past year and link to that post in a comment.
This was originally posted on October 8, 2017.
What Women Need to Know About Men
You may find this hard to believe, but men and women are different, and not just in a superficial way. They think, feel, and behave differently. Men are relatively simple, straightforward beings. Women are complex, complicated organisms.
If you are a woman, here are a few hints that may help you to understand, relate to, and deal with us guys. If you are a man, feel free to add your own insights.
Are you ready?
Men are not mind readers. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
Ask directly for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work.
Strong hints to not work.
Obvious hints do not work.
Just say it.
“Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.
If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant it the other way.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Christopher Columbus did not need to ask for directions, and neither do we.
Most men see only primary colors. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question that you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer that you don’t want to hear.
When we have to go out somewhere, anything you wear is fine. Really.
Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports.
You have enough clothes; you have too many shoes.
And finally, crying is not playing fair.
Written for today’s one-word prompt, “superficial.”
