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Fibbing Friday — General Stuff

Fandango11 Comments

Di (aka Pensitivity101) and Melanie (Sparks From a Combustible Mind) alternate as hosts for Fibbing Friday, a silly little exercise where we are to write a post with our answers to the ten questions below. But as the title suggests, truth is not an option. The idea is to fib a little, a lot, tell whoppers, be inventive, silly, or even outrageous, in our responses. This week is Melanie’s turn and she has given us a series of general “knowledge” questions.

  • What ‘quivered’ like a bowl full of jelly? The fat lady’s belly when she sang.
  • What did the Old Woman in the Shoe treasure most of all? Her shoe horn.
  • If those three mice were blind, how could they make it up the pendulum on that famous clock? What they lost in sight, they made up for with an enhanced sense of smell.
  • Did Lassie (a boy btw) ever get Timmy out of that darned well? Clumsiest kid I ever heard of. Well, that’s a deep question, isn’t it?
  • It was round and ripe and red like a cherry…what is it? A red delicious apple.
  • What did Old McDonald find in his hayloft that he wasn’t expecting to see up there? His wife and his hired farm hand making love.
  • Did Jack and Jill get whupped (whipped) for spilling that bucket of water? No, they just got wet.
  • Was the moon really made of green cheese or was that kid just stoned a tiny bit? The moon isn’t really made of green cheese. It’s made of Swiss cheese, where all of those craters are actually holes.
  • Did the fox ever figure out how to get those grapes (in Aesop’s fable?) No, he decided he’d rather go for the hens in the henhouse.
  • Did Chicken Little have a point when it ran around squawking about the sky falling? No, because she started squawking right after the fox fell through the roof of the henhouse.

Fibbing Friday — Mishmash

Fandango7 Comments

Di (aka Pensitivity101) and Melanie (Sparks From a Combustible Mind) alternate as hosts for Fibbing Friday, a silly little exercise where we are to write a post with our answers to the ten questions below. But as the title suggests, truth is not an option. The idea is to fib a little, a lot, tell whoppers, be inventive, silly, or even outrageous, in our responses. This week is Di ’s turn and she has given us a mishmash of questions.

1. What is liquid gold? It’s what becomes of your gold jewelry when you melt it down.

2. What is housemaid’s knee? Usually calloused.

3. Why is the Eiffel Tower so named? Because looking up at it from the ground, it’s an eyeful.

4. Can elephants swim? Yes, as long as they’re wearing floaties on their legs.

5. What is a pot hole? It’s a hole in the floor where potheads hide their stash of marijuana.

6. What is a woolly pulley? It’s what they call a baby woolly mammouth.

7. What is a tap washer? It’s another name for a bathtub spigot.

8. Why do we have warts on our fingers but corns on our toes? For the same reason we have rings on our fingers and bells on our toes.

9. What is a pendulum? It’s a conundrum that swings one way or the other.

10. Where will you find a pupil and iris? In little Iris’ third grade classroom.

It Takes One to Know One

Fandango8 Comments

For his Wednesday Thoughts prompt, Jim Adams has given us the phrase, “It takes one to know one” and asks us to “consider the phrase.”

This phrase reminds me of elementary school where kids would try to come up with a clever retort to something someone might say to them. For example if one kid called another kid an idiot, the kid who was called an idiot might respond to the kid who called him that with, “Takes one to know one.”

Other classic schoolyard retorts:

  • I know I am, but what are you?
  • I’m rubber, you’re glue; whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.
  • He who smelt it dealt it (fart related)
  • Rat smells its own shit first (also fart related)
  • And, of course there are the “your momma” retorts, as in…
    • Your momma’s so fat
    • …so stupid
    • …so ugly
    • …so lazy

What about you out there? Do you remember any classic childish retorts you can add to those I’ve suggested? If so, be sure to link back to Jim Adams’ post as well as to this one.

Fibbing Friday — Happy Punday

Fandango10 Comments

Di (aka Pensitivity101) and Melanie (Sparks From a Combustible Mind) alternate as hosts for Fibbing Friday, a silly little exercise where we are to write a post with our answers to the ten questions below. But as the title suggests, truth is not an option. The idea is to fib a little, a lot, tell whoppers, be inventive, silly, or even outrageous, in our responses. This week is Melanie’s ’s turn and she has given us some classic puns for us to “punder.”

1. What did one eye say to the other? I’ve got an eye on you.
2. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you… close your eyes.
3. What do you call an alligator in a vest? Very natty.
4. Why couldn’t the pony sing in the choir? Because he was too small.

5. How do you make holy water? Pour it through a sieve.

6. Why did the hipster burn his mouth on pizza? He was so stoned that he forgot to blow on it.
7. Why did the scarecrow get an award? He was voted the best dressed in his field.
8. Will glass coffins be a success? We’ll have to wait and see.
9. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? A zippo doesn’t do well in water.
10. What do you call a dog magician? Unemployed.

One-Liner Wednesday — Believe It or Not

Fandango14 Comments

“Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.”

George Carlin, American stand-up comedian, actor, author, and social critic

Written for Linda G. Hill’s One-Liner Wednesday prompt.