Fibbing Friday — British Spice and Other Nonsense

Fibbing FridayFrank (aka PCGuy), alternates with Di (aka Pensitivity101) as host for Fibbing Friday, a silly little exercise where we are to write a post with our answers to the ten questions below. But as the title suggests, truth is not an option. The idea is to fib a little, a lot, tell whoppers, be inventive, silly, or even outrageous, in your responses.

1. What exactly is Yorkshire pudding?

It’s a British pudding made from ground up bits of homeless Yorkshire Terriers.Don’t ask what Shepherd’s pie is made from.

2. What is treacle, and why do people make tarts out of it?

It’s thick, sticky substance, used primarily by the British, that is poured over the heads of women of ill-repute (i.e., tarts) as a form of punishment. What’s with these Brits, anyway.

3. What is the key ingredient of haggis?

Haggis a British spice made from the ground up bones of recently deceased old ladies (aka hags).

4. How is toffee made?

By mixing together ground up tea leaves and ground up coffee beans. Best served hot, accompanied by Yorkshire pudding seasoned with generous portions of treacle and haggis.

5. How did pound cake get its name?

It was originally made by taking a wooden mallet and using it to pound the bones of recently deceased old women to make haggis, a primary ingredient of pound cake.

6 . Why is candy corn so named?

It was originally named “impacted tooth,” but a consumer testing panel determined that that name was too unappetizing.

7. What is marzipan?

It’s a flat, round, handheld tool used to pan for precious metals on the surface of Mars.

8. Why is a baker’s dozen so named?

Because Thomas Baker was the the first, and so far the only, human being born with six fingers on each hand and the British tabloids referred to him as “Baker’s Dozen.”

9. What is meant by the idiom, “Too many cooks spoil the pot”?

When you and your friends are high on pot and attempt to prepare a meal together in the kitchen, it’s bound to be a downer.

10. What is meant by the idiom, “What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander”?

Foie gras, which is made from goose liver that has become abnormally enlarged by force feeding a goose large amounts of food, is just as expensive whether it’s source is a female goose or a male goose (a gander).

Song Lyric Sunshine

I’ve been nominated by s.s. at Mindfills for the Sunshine Blogger Award. So thank you, s.s. for the nod.

I don’t follow most of the rules for these blog awards, but I do answer questions, and the questions for this award are intriguing because they come from song lyrics. So here goes.

1. What’s love got to do with it? (Tina Turner)

My question is what “it” is. Before I can tell you what role love has in “it,” I need more information.

2. What if we said goodbye to safe and sound? (Troye Sivan)

I guess we’ll find out if Donald Trump gets re-elected in November.

3. Who’s zoomin who? (Aretha Franklin)

These days, everybody’s zooming everyone else in order to stay in touch with family and friends.

4. How do you sleep? (Sam Smith)

Fine. Thanks for asking.

5. How do you want to be remembered? (Magic)

I’d like to be remembered fondly, but I’ll be dead, so….

6. What if God was one of us? (Joan Osbourne)

He’d probably be lying in the street with a cop’s knee on his neck yelling “I can’t breathe.”

7. Where did all the good people go? (Jack Johnson)

I’ll let you know when I get there.

8. Are you listening? (Paramore)

What? Did you say something?

9. Do you practice what you preach? (Black Eyed Peas)

I don’t preach. I express my opinions, my perspectives, and my observations. Take ’em or leave ’em.

10. What are you waiting for? (Nickelback)

An invitation.

11. Why worry? (Dire straits)

What me worry

I’m going to tag Jim Adams. As host of the popular Song Lyric Sunday series, these questions are right up his alley.

Fibbing Friday — More Lies

Here we go again. This week, it’s Di, over at Pensitivity101, who is hosting Fibbing Friday. She alternates with Frank, aka PCGuy. In case you don’t know how this works, the idea is that we are to write a post with our answers to the ten questions below. But as the title suggests, truth is not an option. The idea is to fib a little, a lot, tell whoppers, be inventive, silly, or even outrageous, in your responses.

So here we go.

‘She had the biggest aspidistra in the world.’ But what is an aspidistra?

As a collector of aspidristras, she was proud that hers, a type of spider, was the biggest in the world. It was so big that she kept it in a 55 gallon aquarium and fed it small mice.

What is the main ingredient in Beef Wellington?

Pastry.

Who was Tufty?

Softy’s older brother. He was quite a bully, too.

What is a Port Folio?

A seaport on the coast of the Alaskan outpost village of Folio, which is located on the coast of the Bering Sea.

What is a bootee?

It’s a man’s goatee trimmed in the shape of a boot.

What is meant by ‘You have been tangoed’?

I don’t know, but if you’re reading this post, you have been ‘fandangoed.’

What is a blue bottle?

A bottle that is very sad because it’s sitting on the shelf and is not filled with anything.

How do you make shortbread?

With short dough.

What color is cotton candy?

The color of life, since cotton is the fabric of our lives, right?

What are cowslips and snap dragons?

Cowslips are what happens when you’re in a pasture, step on a cowpie, and slip and fall. Snapdragons are mean, nasty, and fire-breathing women who, when angry, snap at anyone in their company for no apparent reason.

The National Lampoon

National LampoonWhen I was a lad, I used to collect superhero comic books, baseball cards, and my two favorite humor magazines, MAD and National Lampoon. Unfortunately, neither of those magazines is around in print anymore.

MAD was an American humor magazine founded in 1952 by editor Harvey Kurtzman and publisher William Gaines, It was launched as a comic book before it became a magazine. MAD was widely imitated and influential, affecting satirical media, as well as the cultural landscape of the 20th century. It reached its peak circulation in 1973, after which it steadily lost readers and relevance. The last issue of MAD was published in 2018.

National Lampoon was an American “adult humor” magazine which ran from 1970 to 1998. The magazine started out as a spinoff from the Harvard Lampoon. National Lampoon magazine reached its height of popularity and critical acclaim during the 1970s, when it had a far-reaching effect on American humor and comedy.

I remember going to a National Lampoon Live road show in the early 70s and among the members of the cast was a pre-Saturday Night Live Chevy Chase. I really enjoyed it.


This bit of reflection on days past was written for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (lampoon).

All of My Friends Are Doing It

Fibbing FridayWhenever I said to my mother, “But Ma, all of my friends are doing it,” her response inevitably was, “If all of your friends were jumping to their death from the Brooklyn Bridge, would you do it?” That never really made sense to me because (1) we didn’t live anywhere in or near Brooklyn, and (2) why would any of my friends jump to their death off of any bridge?

That said, a lot of my fellow bloggers are playing this Fibbing Friday game that Frank (aka PCGuy) at Thoughts and Theories and Di at Pensitivity101 alternate hosting each Friday. Today was Frank’s turn.

So, since many of my blogging friends are doing it, yes, Ma, I’m going to do it too. The way it works is that we are supposed to answer the questions below in whatever manner we see fit; just be sure to bend, stretch, break, or outright ignore the truth.

Alrighty then. Let’s fib our asses off.

1. Who was the first President of the United States?

Gen. Charles Cornwallis. By the way, Donald Trump will probably be the last, as he’s bound and determined to turn the U.S. into a monarchy with him at the throne.

2. What was Abraham Lincoln’s best known nickname?

“Headshot.”

3. Whose faces are carved into Mt. Rushmore?

Chico, Groucho, Harpo, and Zeppo Marx.Marx Brothers

4. What historic event started on April 19th, 1775?

I don’t know. I missed school the day we covered that in class.

5. What act of infamy is Benedict Arnold best known for?

He stole the recipe for Wonder Bread’s Classic White bread and gave it to his father at Arnold’s Bakery.

6. Who was Gen. Charles Cornwallis?

See my answer to question 1. Seriously, this test is too easy.

7. Why do we celebrate Labor Day?

To honor our mothers who spent hours in agony trying to pop us out of their ovens.

8. What is so special about the Autumnal Equinox?

It is one of the most effective remedies for intestinal imbalance.

9. Why do tree leaves change color in the fall?

So that the apples can fall far from the tree.

10. What do people mean when they say, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”?

See my answer to question 9. I’m telling you, this test is too damn easy.


And there you have it. Now maybe you understand why I’ve never participated in the Fibbing Friday prompt before and probably never will again.