Fandango’s Friday Flashback — January 10

Egads! I’ve been so focused on all of the tasks that have to be addressed between now and the time we move into our new home in early February that I completely forgot about my Friday Flashback post this week. Please forgive me for being a day late.

Wouldn’t you like to expose your newer readers to some of you earlier posts that they might never have seen? Or remind your long term followers of posts that they might not remember?

Each Friday I will publish a post I wrote on this exact date in a previous year.

How about you? Why don’t you reach back into your own archives and highlight a post that you wrote on this very date in a previous year? You can repost your Friday Flashback post on your blog and pingback to this post. Or you can just write a comment below with a link to the post you selected.

If you’ve been blogging for less than a year, go ahead and choose a post that you previously published on this day (the 10th) of any month within the past year and link to that post in a comment.

This was originally posted on January 10, 2014 on my old blog.

Random Questions

E5E4123F-3231-4DAE-9E8C-FA999170E829When I clean my ears with Q-tips, why is there always so much more earwax on the Q-tip I used in my right ear than on the one I used in my left ear?

Am I the only person whose finger sometime pushes through the sheet of toilet paper when wiping my butt after taking a dump?

If you can be overwhelmed and you can be underwhelmed, can you be just whelmed?

Why do women ask stupid questions like, “Do these jeans make my butt look fat?”

How many men, when asked by a woman, “Do these jeans make my butt look fat?” answer that question honestly?

Have you ever heard a man ask if his butt looks fat in his jeans?

Do Christians who deny evolution as “just a theory” also deny gravity as “just a theory”?

Am I the only one who can’t eat a pasta dish without getting at least a couple of stains from the sauce on my shirt?

Speaking about food, why do all of the foods that are not healthy for you taste so damn good while those that are good for you taste so damn awful?

If corn oil is made from corn and olive oil is made from olives, what is baby oil made from?

Is mauve really a color or is that just some sort of nonsense word that women use to make men feel stupid?

Why does hair now grow (and thrive) on parts of my body where it never grew before (and shouldn’t grow at all) and not grow at all where it used to and should, but doesn’t?

Why is it always so easy to say the things that you shouldn’t have said and so hard to say the things that you should have said?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Do all men pee while taking a shower, or is it just me?

Do women pee while taking a shower, or is that too uncouth and not lady-like?

What do you say when someone says you’re in denial, but you’re not?

If a woman wears a pair of pants, a pair of gloves, and a pair of earrings, why doesn’t she wear a pair of bras?

Has anyone ever been fooled by a comb-over?

Why do you get on a train and on a bus, but you get into a car?

One-Liner Wednesday — Poor Planning

There’s a TV commercial that is airing in the San Francisco Bay Area for a law firm. A woman is sitting in her car looking in her rearview mirror as a large truck approaches her car from behind. A female voice in the commercial says,

“I never planned on being in an accident, but that truck didn’t stop.”

Every time I see that fucking commercial I yell at the TV. I say, “Of course, lady, you didn’t plan on being in an accident. By definition an accident is an unplanned event, you stupid bitch!”

Okay. I got that off my chest. I feel so much better now.

Have any of you ever planned to be in an accident? Be honest, now. 😉

Written for today’s One-Liner Wednesday prompt from Linda G. Hill.

SoCS — What is the Key?

KeyMy wife asked me if I knew what the key to a happy marriage is.

My son asked me if I knew what the key to success is.

My daughter asked me if I knew what the key to raising children is.

My friend asked me if I knew what the key to a strong and lasting friendship is.

My subordinate asked me if I knew what the key to getting promoted is.

My doctor asked me if I knew what the key to good health is.

My clergyman asked me if I knew what the key to paradise is.

I said to them all, “How the fuck would I know? I don’t even know where the key to my goddam car is.”

Written for this week’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt from Linda G. Hill, where the prompt word is “key.”