Humor

Six Quickies

Fandango3 Comments

Rory, aka A Guy Called Bloke, is in the mood for quickies. Six of them actually.

1 – Are you ready? Interpretation completely down to you, but are you?

Absolutely I’m ready. Let’s get to it. Oh wait, that was the first question. Well, I’m ready anyway. Bring it on!

2 – If you were to star in a raunchy movie what ‘part’ would you be playing?

The raunchy part.

3 – In your eyes, what do you consider to be a deep thinking question?

Those questions that require me to think deeply.

4 – When was the last time you used a juicer?

The last time I got juiced.

5 – How lost would you be if suddenly all makes of intelligent mobile devices were banned and replaced with regular mobile phones?

It would be like going back to the Dark Ages.

6 – When was the last time that you were completely and utterly dehydrated and what caused it?

To the best of my knowledge I have never been completely and utterly dehydrated. Why? Because I know when and how to drink water. Duh!

Fibbing Friday — Thanksgiving Edition

Fandango8 Comments

Frank (aka PCGuy) and Di (aka Pensitivity101) alternate as host for Fibbing Friday, a silly little exercise where we are to write a post with our answers to the ten questions below. But as the title suggests, truth is not an option. The idea is to fib a little, a lot, tell whoppers, be inventive, silly, or even outrageous, in your responses. Today is Frank’s turn to host and here are his questions.

1 – Why is it traditional to eat turkey for Thanksgiving dinner? (In the US, at least.)

Because when the new settlers tried to talk with the natives in the new world, they didn’t understand each other’s language and what the natives were saying sounded to the settlers like a bunch of gobbledygook. So the natives brought turkeys, who gobble, to help translate for them. Unfortunately, the settlers cooked and ate the turkeys before they learned that they hadn’t actually landed in India and that the natives where they had landed were not actually Indians.

2 – What is “Festivus”?

It’s the holiday for the rest of us.

3 – Why does Hanukkah (or Chanukah, if you prefer) last for eight days?

Because it was only supposed to last for one day, but they got a great deal on Amazon on Black Friday for an additional seven days for the price of one.

4 – Why does Kwanzaa last seven days?

Because the Kwanzaa folks figured that they could get done in only seven days what it took the Jews eight days to get done. So there, Jews.

5 – According to the song, there are twelve days of Christmas, so why do most people only observe Christmas for one day?

One day, seven days, eight days, twelve days? Who cares? It’s all just bullshit, anyway. (No offense to Jews, Christians, and African Americans.)

6 – Why does Canada have Thanksgiving in October?

Because it’s too freakin’ cold in Canada in late November to have Thanksgiving that late.

7 – What is Childermas?

It’s a special mass in the Catholic Church that is for children only. It’s specifically dedicated to pedophile priests. (Oh no, Fandango. You didn’t really say that, did you?)

8 – In the US, why is the Friday after Thanksgiving known as “Black Friday”?

Because people, at least in the pre-COVID days, used to practically kill one another in retail stores in order to get there first so as not to miss out on that $99 flat screen hi-def color TV. Those who didn’t get there in time were left out in the dark. Hence, “Black Friday.”

9 – What is “Boxing Day”?

It’s the day that 54 year old Mike Tyson and 51 year old Roy Jones, Jr. will meet up in the boxing ring for an exhibition boxing match. Why are these two old boxers doing this? “Show me the money.”

10 – What is “Saturnalia”?

It’s the day that Saturnites, or those beings who live on the planet Saturn, hold their annual Feast of Thanks. It’s actually a very rare occurrence, since one year on Saturn lasts for 29 Earth years, so most Saturnites, whose average life span is only around 20 Earth years, are lucky if they can celebrate even one Saturnalia holiday.

Weekend Writing Prompt — Paradox

Fandango12 Comments

“Today’s Weekend Writing Prompt from Sammi Cox is ‘paradox.’ That’s the same word I used for my one-word challenge yesterday,” I told my wife.

“That’s a paradox,” she said.

“No,” I said. “A paradox is a self-contradictory statement.”

“Okay,” she said, “Then it’s plagiarism. She copied you.”

“No, it’s just a coincidence,” I said.

“But you keep telling me you don’t believe in coincidences,” she said.

“Whatever,” I said.

(71 words)

Fibbing Friday — The Yoke’s on You

Fandango8 Comments

Frank (aka PCGuy) and Di (aka Pensitivity101) alternate as host for Fibbing Friday, a silly little exercise where we are to write a post with our answers to the ten questions below. But as the title suggests, truth is not an option. The idea is to fib a little, a lot, tell whoppers, be inventive, silly, or even outrageous, in your responses. Today is Di’s turn to host and here are her questions.

1. What is Kapok?

It’s Russian slang for a cowboy, similar to the American “cowpoke.”

2. Where will you find a kernel?

On the TV show, “Hogan’s Heroes,” as the character Kernel Klink.

3. If you didn’t know a door as a door, what would you call it?

A swinger.

4. What’s the difference between a yolk and a yoke?

“Yoke” is short for “yokel, as in “local yokel,” which is a dumbass, rural dweller. “Yolk” is what a local yokel calls the the thick, greenish-yellow liquid that oozes out of his nose when he has a bad head cold (or what most others call mucus or snot).

5. What does E R N I E do?

He does B E R T.
6. What is meant by sunny side up?

It’s Bert and Ernie’s favorite position for sex.

7. What could you wear on your head that would make people think you were awesome?

A toupee?

8. What is meant by cattywampus?

It’s what local yokel’s call a kitty litter box.

9. What is an erf?

It’s the sound you make when someone punches you hard in the stomach.

10. What is a mouse potato?

It’s a sweet potato in the shape of a mouse.