“You look like shit, dude. Your eyes are red and your skin looks yellow and clammy. You are the very portrait of a drunk with a bad hangover,” Dan said when he met Dwight at the coffee shop.

Red and yellow? Oh man, Dan, I’m in a real pickle,” Dwight said. “I got drunk last night and, of course, opened my mouth when I shouldn’t have.”

“What do you mean? What happened?”

“That’s just it,” Dwight said. “I must have said something dumb or irrational that got Barbara really upset or angry because she slapped me and ran out of the tavern in tears. I don’t remember what I said, but based upon the number of empty beer mugs on the table, I can guess it wasn’t good.

“You need to reach out to Barbara and apologize for whatever it is that you said,” Dan advised. “And then you need to stop drinking to excess if you aspire to keep her as your girlfriend.

Written for these daily prompts: My Vivid Blog (portrait), Ragtag Daily Prompt (red & yellow), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (pickle), The Daily Spur (mouth), E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (irrational), Word of the Day Challenge (numbers), and Your Daily Word Prompt (aspire).

Perchance to Dream

I was quite perplexed by a dream I had last night. At the beginning of the dream I saw two hippopotamuses wearing tutus and swing dancing to the Benny Goodman song, “Sing, Sing, Sing.”

It was fascinating. Until my fun dream turned into a nightmare.

The happy, swing-dancing hippos suddenly transformed into a group of living mops who carried buckets and buckets of water and dumped them all onto the floor, turning my house into complete disarray.

I woke up in a sweat, with a twinge of regret. My wife warned me when we were watching Disney’s classic animated movie “Fantasia” last night that eating a pastrami sandwich right before bedtime would give me indigestion. I think she jinxed me.

Written for these daily prompts prompts: Word of the Day Challenge (perplexed), E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (hippopotamus), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (swing), The Daily Spur (compete), Your Daily Word Prompt (disarray), My Vivid Blog (twinge), and Ragtag Daily Prompt (jinx).

Loaded Nachos

“I’m sorry for the delay,” the waiter said. “May I take your order?”

“I am not very happy with your service. I was getting ready to berate you to your manager when you didn’t respond to my waving at you or calling out to you,” Cliff said. “But in spite of how long it took you to get to our table, you’re finally here and I’m ready to order. We’d like a large platter of loaded nachos, but use the chips that are the kind with hint of citrus flavor and are crisp and crunchy. Make sure they are fresh and not stale. And we’ll also have a large pitcher of sangria. Make it snappy, will you?” Cliff added, snapping his fingers.

After the waiter left, Cliff turned to the other people sitting at the table and said, “So as I was saying, San Francisco is a very hilly city, but the section we live in is very flat and quite walkable.”

The waiter returned to the table and set down a huge platter of loaded nachos on the table. “Here you go sir,” he said to Cliff. “Just like you ordered them.”

The waiter turned and walked away, a sardonic smile on his face. Just like you ordered them, except for the two gobs of spit I added, he thought.

Written for these daily prompts: The Daily Spur (delay), My Vivid Blog (happy), E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (berated), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (spite), Ragtag Daily Prompt (citrus), Your Daily Word Prompt (crisp), and Word of the Day Challenge (crunchy).

Also for the Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Opposing Forces Saturday Mix, where the words are “fresh/stale” and “flat/hilly.”

Our Daughter’s Favorite

When our daughter was in elementary school, her favorite female performer was Stevie Nicks of Fleetwood Mac. Whenever she came on stage, our daughter said that Stevie seemed to glimmer all over, displaying a certain effervescence in her billowy outfits.

She faithfully followed Stevie Nicks’ career, and then, when I scored tickets for my daughter and her best friend to see Stevie and Fleetwood Mac perform live at an indoor venue in our city, I was a real hero in my daughter’s eyes.

For a few days, anyway.

Written for these daily prompts: Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (elementary), My Vivid Blog (glimmer), Ragtag Daily Prompt (effervescence), E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (billowy), Word of the Day Challenge (faithfully), and The Daily Spur (indoor).

Not Pulling Your Weight

“We need to discuss your work performance, Mack,” Charles said. “You’re not pulling your weight around here. You’re behaving like a malingerer, calling in sick, arriving late, leaving early, falling asleep on the job. I was doing your mother a favor by taking you on, but I can’t continue to make allowances for you. You’re a brash young man, Mack, and you have potential, but you’re lazy and you just don’t fit in here. I’m going to have to let you go.”

“C’mon, Charlie,” Mack said. “We all need an outlet, right. I mean after all, you’re screwing my Mom, right? That’s your outlet. My old man’s outlet is a bottle of vodka, and if he found out that you and my mom are dirty dancing, he’d probably smash a bottle over your scumbag head. So how about we come to an understanding, huh? You let me continue to work here, give me a fifty percent bump in pay, and I won’t rat you out to my dad, who’d probably off both you and my Mom if he knew what was going on.”

“That’s an exquisite idea, Mack,” Charles said, clearing his throat. “You’re going to go far with our company.”

Written for these daily prompts: Ragtag Daily Prompt (discuss), Word of the Day Challenge (malinger), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (outlet), The Daily Spur (allowance), Your Daily Word Prompt (brash), E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (vodka) and My Vivid Blog (exquisite).