The Biggest News Controversy of the Week

It’s not about the Mueller indictments. Nor is it about potential collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia. FEMA’s failure in Puerto Rico? Fuhgeddaboudit!

It has nothing to do with a potential nuclear war with North Korea or what really happen in Niger.

No, the BIG story, at least according to Donald Trump’s favorite media outlets, Twitter and Fox News, is about cheeseburger emojis.

You see, Google just released a new cheeseburger emoji (top right) that places the cheese under the burger patty, just on top of the bottom bun.

On the other hand, Apple’s cheeseburger emoji has the cheese on top of the patty, closer to the top bun.

Bowing to intense pressure, Google will be modifying its cheeseburger emoji to move the cheese to sit on top of the burger instead of beneath it. However, in my humble opinion, neither the Google nor the Apple cheeseburger emoji is correct.

You see, the correct way to construct a cheeseburger is for the lettuce to be on the very top, just under the top bun. Beneath the lettuce should be the tomato, then the cheese, and finally the hamburger patty on top of the bottom bun.

Hence, I am calling on Apple to also modify its cheeseburger emoji. Move the lettuce to the top, just below the bun and above the tomato.

That is the only way for both sides to come together to resolve this important controversy.

It’s like what John Kelly, Trump’s White House Chief of Staff, said. The cheeseburger emoji war, just like the Civil War, could have been avoided if both sides had the ability to compromise.

Whoa Is Me

The word “whoa” comes from the word “ho,” which first came into Middle English as a command to slow down or draw your horse to a stop. Sometime around the year 1620, the spelling evolved into what we now use today, “whoa.”

Aside from its use with horses, whoa is a popular exclamation used to express surprise, amazement, or great pleasure.

It’s a simple four-letter word that people use frequently. But when put in writing, it seems to often be misspelled.

Okay people, listen up. There is only one correct way to spell the word “whoa.”

It’s not “woah.”

It’s not “whoah.”

It’s not “waoh’ or “whao” or “whaoh.”

It’s “whoa.”

And it’s only “whoa.”

Even if you’re British or Canadian. It’s still “whoa.”

Think of the word “who.” You don’t spell who “woh,” do you? Or “whoh.”

Of course, it’s a free country and I suppose, on your blog, you can spell “whoa” any way you want to. As long as you realize that if you spell it any way other than w-h-o-a, you’re spelling it wrong.

And if you don’t mind spelling whoa wrong…well, woe unto you.

Double, Double Toil and Trouble

The small group of rather ghoulish looking creatures made their way through the forest to the isolated cottage to spend Halloween night together with their favorite witch.

As the ghoulish guests entered the cottage, they removed their wet galoshes and placed them just inside the door. Once the last ghoul had his galoshes off, they all gathered around a large, black caldron hanging in the oversized hearth, not only to warm their cold, damp ghoulish bodies, but to inhale the irresistible aroma of the goulash that was boiling inside the kettle.

One of the ghouls asked the witch what the secret ingredients were that made her goulash so incredibly delicious.

The witch cackled, as witches are wont to do, and replied, “If I reveal to you, my ghoulish little friends, you must promise not to tell a soul.”

The ghouls all said in unison, “We promise,” and raptly waited to learn the witch’s secret ingredients.

“You know those two children from the village who went missing a few days ago?” The witch said.

“You mean Hansel and Gretel?” one of the ghouls responded.

The witch smiled. “Such tasty little morsels, they are.”

And then she started her cackling again as the ghouls joyfully danced in front of the cauldron with its boiling goulash.

When I read today’s one-word prompt, “ghoulish,” two other similar sounding words popped into my head — goulash and galoshes. So I decided to concoct a tale using all three words.

FFfAW — The Ant Hill

“Whoa! What the hell is that?” Jim asked.

“It’s an ant hill,” Mr. Stevens answered.

The students gathered around the tall formation. “I’ve never seen one that big,” Sharon said.

“I think you’re wrong, Mr. Stevens,” Brian said. “It’s the petrified remains of a tree trunk.”

“I agree with Brian,” Sally said. “It’s way too big to be an ant hill.”

“Actually,” Mr. Stevens explained, “some ants create soft, low hills out of dirt or sand. Others build towering creations of clay. Ant hills can range from less than an inch high to over ten feet high.”

“Ten feet high! Wow,” said Jim.

“Yes,” said Mr. Stevens. “Ant hills have many chambers connected by tunnels. These small rooms serve different purposes. During the day, worker ants work nearer the top of the ant hill to stay warm. At night, they move back to the lower chambers.

“How long did it take the ants to build this hill?” Brian asked.

But before Mr. Steven could answer, Brian began feverishly kicking down the entire ant hill.

(173 words)

Written for this week’s Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers prompt from Priceless Joy. Photo credit: Yarnspinerr.

Manic Monday — A Novel Idea

Image result for november novel writing

“You gotta read this,” Bob said to his roommate Nate.

“What is it?” Nate asked, grabbing the several sheets of paper Bob thrust at him.

It’s the first three pages of my NaNoWriMo project.”

“Your what?”

“That stands for National Novel Writing Month,” Bob answered. “It’s an annual, Internet-based creative writing project that takes place next month. The idea is to attempt to write a 50,000 word novel between November 1 and November 30.”

“And you’ve got three stapled pages that you want me to read?” Nate said. “Isn’t that cheating, since today is October 30th?”

“It’s only a rough draft,” Bob said. “Just read them and let me know what you think.”

Nate sat down in an easy chair and read the first page. “This is pure fluff,” he said.

“Huh? What do you mean by that?” Bob asked.

“It’s trivial,” said Nate. “It’s trite. It’s a cliché, it’s superficial. I’m sorry, dude, but it’s fluff.”

“Sheesh, that’s harsh,” Bob said.

“Well, you asked what I think. You want me to be honest with you, right?”

“Yeah, but you just read the first page. Turn the page and see if it gets any better,” Bob pleaded.

“Okay,” Nate said. He read both the second and third pages and then handed them back to Bob. “Sorry, Bob, but it’s all fluff.”

This is another twofer. It’s in response to Sandi’s weekly Manic Monday challenge, which this week is to write some flash fiction using the title of the 1973 Bob Seager song, “Turn the Page.”

It’s also in response to today’s one-word prompt, “fluff.”