Fandango’s Flashback Friday — January 8

Wouldn’t you like to expose your newer readers to some of your earlier posts that they might never have seen? Or remind your long term followers of posts that they might not remember? Each Friday I will publish a post I wrote on this exact date in a previous year.

How about you? Why don’t you reach back into your own archives and highlight a post that you wrote on this very date in a previous year? You can repost your Friday Flashback post on your blog and pingback to this post. Or you can just write a comment below with a link to the post you selected.

If you’ve been blogging for less than a year, go ahead and choose a post that you previously published on this day (the 8th) of any month within the past year and link to that post in a comment.


This was originally posted on my blog on January 8, 2018.

An Open Letter to Dog Owners

Dear fellow dog owners,

I have a bone to pick with some of you. Like you, I’m a dog owner. And like most of us dog owners, I’m responsible and diligent when it comes to cleaning up after my dog. I carry at least two poop bags every time I walk her and I always, always pick up her poop wherever she decides to deposit it.

But there are too many of you who are falling down on the job. You allow your dog to poop in the middle of the sidewalk, on people’s lawns, in the park on the grass where kids play, and on paths and trails where people walk.

I am sick of how inconsiderate you, as a dog owner, are being when you don’t bother to clean up after your dog. I am tired of having to scrape your dog’s shit off the soles of my sneakers when I step in the crap you and your dog left behind.

Like I had to do this morning when one of you sonsabitches left your dog’s poop in the middle of the sidewalk.

So I’m very nicely requesting that you do what is right and scoop up your dog’s shit so that someone else doesn’t end up stepping on it or sitting in it.

And I’m also putting you on notice. If I ever see any one of you thoughtless dog owners fail to pick up after your dog, I’m going to do you a huge favor and scoop it up in one of my poop bags.

And then I’m going to catch up with you and, I swear to God, I’m going to smash it in your face.

Best regards,

Fandango

Fandango’s Flashback Friday — January 1

Happy New Year, everyone!

Wouldn’t you like to expose your newer readers to some of your earlier posts that they might never have seen? Or remind your long term followers of posts that they might not remember? Each Friday I will publish a post I wrote on this exact date in a previous year.

How about you? Why don’t you reach back into your own archives and highlight a post that you wrote on this very date in a previous year? You can repost your Friday Flashback post on your blog and pingback to this post. Or you can just write a comment below with a link to the post you selected.

If you’ve been blogging for less than a year, go ahead and choose a post that you previously published on this day (the 1st) of any month within the past year and link to that post in a comment.


This was originally posted on my blog on January 1, 2018.

Conversation About Drama

72F31045-5C6F-4A0E-A96E-A6E737E1082BThis month there are two daily one word prompts. One is from WordPress, like today’s one-word prompt, “conversation.” The other is something cooked up by Linda G. Hill called Just Jot it January (or #JusJoJan). Today’s #JusJoJan word is “drama.”

So, I thought my first post of 2018 would be a one-word twofer. Let’s have a conversation about drama, shall we?

I enjoy a good drama. At the movies. On TV. In books. Even as flash fiction on someone’s blog. But not in my real life. I try, as best I can, to keep my life as free of drama as possible.

Of course, sometimes drama in life is unavoidable. Shit happens. People do or say stupid things. Drama happens.

So what can you do to escape drama? Well, if possible, don’t get involved. If you’re not a party to the drama, get out of the way. Or if that’s not possible, maybe just lend a neutral and sympathetic ear to those immersed in whatever drama is taking place.

But sometimes you’re an actor in a drama that is playing out. Maybe at home with family, maybe at play with friends, or maybe at work with coworkers or your boss. What you want to do is to minimize the drama as much as possible.

How, you ask? Well, my first bit of drama avoidance advise is to determine if you, yourself, are the source of the drama. Are you the constant? Are you creating it? If drama is always swirling around you, you need to change your behavior, your perspectives.

And whether it’s you at the center of the drama or if it’s others, you need to think before you react. Maybe follow that old trick of counting to ten before you say or do anything. And you need to figure out a way to rein in your emotions. Don’t feed the drama, tamp it down.

So there you have it. Fandango’s words of wisdom regarding removing drama from your life. If you need more drama, read a book, go to the movies, or watch TV.

Fandango’s Flashback Friday — December 25

Wouldn’t you like to expose your newer readers to some of your earlier posts that they might never have seen? Or remind your long term followers of posts that they might not remember? Each Friday I will publish a post I wrote on this exact date in a previous year.

How about you? Why don’t you reach back into your own archives and highlight a post that you wrote on this very date in a previous year? You can repost your Friday Flashback post on your blog and pingback to this post. Or you can just write a comment below with a link to the post you selected.

If you’ve been blogging for less than a year, go ahead and choose a post that you previously published on this day (the 25th) of any month within the past year and link to that post in a comment.


This was originally posted on my blog on December 25, 2018.

Christmas Miracle

As my wife and I were on our way home from walking our dog this Christmas morning, we passed our local convenience store. They sell Mega Millions lottery tickets there. The sign in the store window showed that the Mega Millions jackpot is up to $321 million and the next drawing is tonight.

I don’t usually buy lottery tickets. As a retire on a fixed income, and with my 401(k) retirement savings account haven taken a big hit over the past few weeks, buying lottery tickets is a frivolous expense with almost impossible odds of hitting the jackpot.

But when I saw the Mega Millions sign in the window, I said to my wife, “I’m going to splurge on five ‘quick pick’ tickets. After all, today is Christmas Day. Maybe we’ll experience a Christmas miracle, and one of my picks will be the big winner.”

So I walked into the convenience store, plunked $10 on the counter, and bought my five Mega Million picks. (And for another $5.00, a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream for later).

I promise that should I win tonight’s Mega Million jackpot, I will start believing in Santa Claus again. Hell, I will even commit to believing in God. Because if I do win, that has to be a sign from above.

Do you hear me, God?

Fandango’s Flashback Friday — December 18

Wouldn’t you like to expose your newer readers to some of your earlier posts that they might never have seen? Or remind your long term followers of posts that they might not remember? Each Friday I will publish a post I wrote on this exact date in a previous year.

How about you? Why don’t you reach back into your own archives and highlight a post that you wrote on this very date in a previous year? You can repost your Friday Flashback post on your blog and pingback to this post. Or you can just write a comment below with a link to the post you selected.

If you’ve been blogging for less than a year, go ahead and choose a post that you previously published on this day (the 18th) of any month within the past year and link to that post in a comment.


This was originally posted on my old blog on December 18, 2013.

Shampoo

I have a huge bottle of Shampoo in my shower. It’s 28 ounces huge. And it’s not just shampoo, it’s “2-in-1” shampoo and conditioner. It’s salon tested and clinically proven to clean and condition my hair, to moisturize it, and to leave it healthy looking. It adds body, it makes my hair shiny, silky smooth, lustrous. It strengthens my hair and makes it thicker. It’s like Viagra for my hair!

Best of all, this isn’t some sissy shampoo that only girlie men would use. No siree Bob. This shampoo is formulated specifically for men. No fruity, flowery, or spice-like fragrances.

Uh uh, babycakes! It smells like musk, that greasy secretion with a powerful odor produced in a glandular sac beneath the skin of the abdomen of the male musk deer. Oh yeah, baby! Deer sweat!

For some reason, while I was taking my shower this morning, I looked at that giant bottle of shampoo and thought to myself, Isn’t it kind of ironic that I have a huge bottle of shampoo in my shower?

No, it’s not ironic that there is a humongous bottle of shampoo in my shower. Where else would one have a bottle of shampoo, if not in their shower?What is ironic, given the lack of hair on my head, is that I would have a bottle of shampoo in my shower at all. For me, a bottle of shampoo in my shower is about as useful as antiperspirant is to a male musk deer.

So why haven’t I just thrown that bottle of shampoo away? Why keep it in the shower as a daily reminder of an earlier time, a time long ago before Mother Nature had visited the curse of FDD (follicle deficiency disorder) upon me?

Do I think that if I periodically rub a healthy amount of masculine, deer musk shampoo on my pate (which, for those of you with a limited vocabulary and/or a dirty mind, means the top of my head, not a mixture of cooked ground meat and fat minced into a spreadable paste, nor my pet name for an entirely different body part) that it will suddenly and miraculously, in a Viagra-like way, stimulate new growth? That I’ll wake up the next morning with a shiny, silky smooth, lustrous, thick mane of hair?

Hey, it could happen.

Fandango’s Flashback Friday — December 11

Wouldn’t you like to expose your newer readers to some of your earlier posts that they might never have seen? Or remind your long term followers of posts that they might not remember? Each Friday I will publish a post I wrote on this exact date in a previous year.

How about you? Why don’t you reach back into your own archives and highlight a post that you wrote on this very date in a previous year? You can repost your Friday Flashback post on your blog and pingback to this post. Or you can just write a comment below with a link to the post you selected.

If you’ve been blogging for less than a year, go ahead and choose a post that you previously published on this day (the 11th) of any month within the past year and link to that post in a comment.


This was originally posted my on December 11, 2017. It was when WordPress was still publishing its own daily one-word prompts.

I Got Nothing Today

 

8B4EC126-35DC-447B-B507-4EEF75C8A2C7When I see the WordPress one-word prompt each morning, I think about if I’m going to respond and, if so, how?

Will I write a bit of flash fiction using the word as inspiration? Will the word remind me of something that happened in my life or in the life of someone I know and motivate me to write a post about such an incidence?

Will the word trigger something related to current events, political goings on, or some other timely topic for me to write about?

Today’s one-word prompt is the word “elegance.” It’s a noun used to describe something that is elegant, something tastefully fine or luxurious in dress, style, or design. Something refined or dignified.

There is nothing about me or anyone I know that can be described as “elegant.” My family, friends, and acquaintances are all firmly ensconced in America’s middle class. My home is not in any way elegant. Nor is my clothing, my car, or my lifestyle.

And today, neither is my imagination, as I haven’t been able to conjure up a fanciful tale built around the word “elegance” to share with my readers.

So I’m sorry to disappoint, but I got nothing. There will be no post from me today in response to the WordPress one-word prompt. Check back with me tomorrow.