Who’s the Victim Here?

“Okay, so tell me what happened” the police officer said.

“As I was passing by the alley minding my own business,” she said, “an arm shot out, grabbed me, pulled me into the alley, and threw me up against the wall. I thought he was going to rape me.”

She began to sob, but then regained control. “He grabbed my purse, ripped my necklace from around my neck, and then told me to remove my watch and ring and give them to him. And then he just slipped away toward the back of the alley.”

“Can you describe him?” The police officer asked.

“He was heavy, maybe 250 pounds. He had a bad complexion, lots of acne, the kind of zits that ooze pus. And his breath was rancid.”

“Did you catch the color of his eyes or hair,” the officer asked.

“They were brown and the whites of his eyes had a tinge of red, like he was stoned. He had on a knit cap, so I couldn’t see what color his hair was.”

“When he spoke, did he have an accent?”

“No, but his vocabulary was atrocious, for what it’s worth.”

“Okay, so despite the fact that you are very provocatively dressed, his motive apparently was not rape,” the office said.

“Wait, are you suggesting that, by the way I am dressed, I was looking for trouble?” the woman indignantly asked. “Listen, I’m not the one who was breaking the law here. I am the victim and I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“What I’m saying,” the officer said, “is that a pretty woman like you, walking alone at two in the morning and wearing a skimpy tank top and tight jean shorts, makes an attractive target for certain types of men.”

“By certain types of men,” she said, “do you mean men like you?”

Written for Jim Adams’ Thursday Inspiration, where the word is “top” and the photo above. Also for these daily prompts: Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (slip), The Daily Spur (heavy), Word of the Day Challenge (complexion), Ragtag Daily Prompt (ooze), Your Daily Word prompt (tinge), My Vivid Blog (vocabulary), E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (motive), JusJoJan (looking), and Scott’s Daily Prompt (breaking the law).

Fatherly Advice

“You need to learn to apply yourself, Teddy,” Alan said. “Don’t let anyone block your path or you’ll be in jeopardy of failing. Life offers us a preponderance of evidence that sometimes lines must be crossed to achieve your goals. You should avoid acting on impulse and instead carefully plan how to scintillate and to stand out in order to get what’s coming to you.”

Elizabeth looked at her husband and said, “Jeez, Alan, he’s not going into politics. He’s three years old and he’s starting pre-school today.” Then she looked at her young son and said, “Would you like me to make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch, honey?”

“Thanks, Mommy,” Teddy said and hugged his mother.

Written for these daily prompts: Scott’s Daily Prompt (apply yourself), Ragtag Daily Prompt (block), Word of the Day Challenge (jeopardy), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (preponderance), My Vivid Blog (lines), E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (impulse), Your Daily Word Prompt (scintillate), and The Daily Spur (jelly). Image credit: istockphotos.com.

A Fair Trial

“Look, we may be in a crisis situation, but, son, as we enter litigation,” Bruno’s mother said,” it’s imperative that we don’t allow ourselves to become too maudlin about it. I did some eavesdropping when our attorney was talking to the DA and he said that our petition has been submitted to the court and we may get a change of venue. And that’s a good sign, Bruno.”

“You weave a great tale, Mama, but it’s a fiction,” Bruno said. “It’s folly to think that I’ll get a fair trial and that this will all work out, even with a delay and change of venue. Daddy was abusing you and he was a mean sombitch who deserved what I did to him. I shoulda done it sooner. Mama, I get no joy in telling you this, but I’m jumping bail and going on the lam.”

Written for these daily prompts: Scott’s Daily Prompt (in a crisis), The Daily Spur (litigation), Your Daily Word Prompt (imperative), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (maudlin), My Vivid Blog (eavesdropping), Word of the Day Challenge (petition), E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (weave), Ragtag Daily Prompt (folly), and JusJoJan (joy).


Hurry Up, We Can’t Be Late

Are you done yet?

What’s the rush? I’ll be done in an instant.

An instant is up. Are you done yet?

You’re being ridiculous.

I told you that he was adamant that we aren’t late.

I’m sure he’ll be amenable to us being a few minutes tardy.

I’m never late.

Look at you. You always have to toot your horn, don’t you?

Listen to me. If we are late, he’ll surely impose some restrictions on us. Knowing how angry he’ll get if we’re late, I’m going to lie low for a while.

Do whatever you gotta do. I’m going to take my time and finish my bowl of strawberry ice cream. I don’t want to get an ice cream headache by eating it too fast.

You’re just asking for trouble, aren’t you?

You’re such a wuss, you know. You’re afraid of your own shadow.

Mark my words, you’ll regret crossing him.

We’ll see, my friend, we’ll see.

Written for these daily prompts: My Vivid Blog (rush), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (instant), JusJoJan (ridiculous), E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (adamant), Your Daily Word Prompt (amenable), Scott’s Daily Prompt (toot your horn), Word of the Day Challenge (restriction), Ragtag Daily Prompt (lie low), and The Daily Spur (berry).

The Landscape Dilemma

“One doesn’t quibble about fees in front of others,” Tina said, “at least not around polite company. That’s an insensitive thing to do.”

“I’m not quibbling, haggling, or chaffering with you about fees, Tina,” Stan said. “I am simply refusing to pay you.”

“Well that perplexes me,” Tina said. “You signed a contract that you’d pay me my fee upon delivery. I delivered, so pay up.”

“You call yourself a landscape designer, but your design, if you can even call it that, is garbage. It’s a fucking disaster.”

“I glean from what you’re saying that you’re not happy with my design,” Tina calmly said. “Let’s talk about what you don’t like about it.”

“All you did was plant stalk after stalk if bamboo all around the yard,” Stan said. “Do you know how invasive bamboo is? Basically your plan is to turn my backyard into a bamboo forest.”

“True, but it’s drought resistant, environmentally friendly, and economical,” Tina said, a smug look in her face.

“Tina, the reason I engaged you in the first place was because my yard was overrun with bamboo,” Stan said, “Since all you did in your design was to add more bamboo, it’s worthless. I’m not paying you for that.”

“Well, fine,” Tina said, “but can I count on you to give me a good review on Yelp?”

Written for these daily prompts: Scott’s Daily Prompt (polite company), My Vivid Blog (insensitive), The Daily Spur (designer), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (disaster), Word of the Day Challenge (glean), and Ragtag Daily Prompt (stalk).