vampires

Fibbing Friday — Happy Halloween

Fandango13 Comments

Frank (aka PCGuy) and Di (aka Pensitivity101) alternate as hosts for Fibbing Friday, a silly little exercise where we are to write a post with our answers to the ten questions below. But as the title suggests, truth is not an option. The idea is to fib a little, a lot, tell whoppers, be inventive, silly, or even outrageous, in our responses. Today is Frank’s turn to host and he’s in the Halloween spirit with today’s fibs.

1. Why does garlic repel vampires?

It gives them really bad breath.

2. What do you need to kill a werewolf?

An electric shaver.

3. What is the purpose of a Jack-o-lantern?

To start house fires. It’s one of pyromaniacs’ favorite ways to start fires at this time of year.

4. What exactly is a ghoul?

It’s a brand of electric shaver preferred by most werewolf hunters.

5. Why can’t vampires enter a home unless invited?

Because they don’t want to be thought of as party crashers.

6. Why can’t vampires cross running water?

Because they don’t know how to swim.

7. What does a chupacabra eat?

Mosquitos and flies.

8. What is the name of the three-headed dog that guards the gates of the underworld?

Moe, Larry, and Curley.

9. Who are the Stygian Witches?

Groucho, Chico, and Harpo.

10. What alcoholic beverage is thought to be the true origin of witches’ brew?

Green Witch Natural Bitters.

Vampires On Air

Fandango9 Comments

“This a joke, right?” Brad asked his best friend Tony.

“No, I’m very serious,” Tony said. “Do you have an issue with it?”

“Look, I know you yearn to have your podcast go viral, but are you sure you want to focus it on vampires?” Brad asked. “That seems to be a rather obscure niche.”

“Are you kidding me, Brad?” Tony said. “Vampires are lightning hot these days. Books, movies, TV shows. This is going to be a rocket to stardom for us.”

Written for these daily prompts: The Daily Spur (joke), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (issue), Your Daily Word Prompt (yearn), MMA Storytime (podcast), Just Jot it January (vampires), Word of the Day Challenge (obscure), and Ragtag Daily Prompt (lightning). Illustration crédit: The Daily Beast

Friday Fictioneers — Evil Spirits

Fandango9 Comments

“Mother, why do we have all of these garlic strings hanging in various places all around our home,” Gloria asked.

“They protect our home,” Beatrice answered.

“Protect it from what?” Gloria asked.

“From evil beings,” Beatrice answered. “The church believes that garlic is apotropaic and is able, therefore, to ward off evil spirits.”

“What kinds of evil spirits?” Gloria asked.

“Vampires and werewolves,” Beatrice said.

“Does garlic really repel vampires and werewolves?” Gloria asked.

“Have you seen any in our home?” Beatrice asked.

“No.” Gloria said.

“Well, there you go,” Beatrice smiled. “The church is always right.”

(97 words)

Written for this week’s Friday Fictioneers prompt from Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Photo credit: Dale Rogerson.

Silver Bullets

Fandango11 Comments

242F5B78-C148-4C0E-9514-A4EC71927166“This is fun,” Sara said. “Give me another hypothetical question.”

“Let me think,” Ed said. “Ah, here’s one. Would you lease an apartment if you knew that your roommate was a cannibal?

“Sure, as long as I had a gun with some silver bullets,” Sara said, laughing.”

“Silver bullets only work on vampires,” Ed said.

“Actually, vampires aren’t bothered by silver bullets,” Sara said. “A wooden stake in the heart is the way to kill a vampire, silly.”

“Oh right,” Ed said. “Silver bullets kill werewolves.”

“And cannibals, too, I would imagine,” Sara said.

Written for Paula Light’s Three Things Challenge, where the three things are “lease,” “cannibal,” and “silver.”

Rory Does It Again

Fandango13 Comments

5fb252a6-1409-4622-bf90-ca23cbab1d9bRory, aka A Guy Called Bloke, was nominated for the coveted Liebster Award and paid it forward by nominating my blog for the award, along with seven other bloggers. Of course, there’s some mistake because the Liebster Award focuses on blogs with fewer than 200 followers and mine has more than 1,600. And also, my blog is an award-free blog.

Nonetheless, when Rory asks, I answer. So here goes.

If vampires can’t see their reflections, why is their hair always so neat?

It’s in their blood. Or perhaps in the blood of their latest, well-groomed victim.29A28516-F30D-4ED8-BB19-9EE1C481E9AA.jpeg

If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

No, they are just behaving inappropriately.

If they weren’t called grapes and you had the opportunity to rename them, what would you call them?

Pre-raisins.

If the grass wasn’t green what color would you make it?

Brown. That way you couldn’t tell the grass from the brown spots on my lawn.93b5ec9d-d312-430e-a334-3f6ef0dd1f79

Has your imaginary friend ever had an imaginary friend, or just you?

My imaginary friend left me for his imaginary friend. Talk about being jilted.

So, dance in the rain, wallow in the mud or naked angel in the snow?

What do you think a naked skier like me would say? I’d dance naked in a mud puddle in the rain.

Can you describe your blog to me without using the letters i and e?

A blog about ths, that, and th othr.

What are you afraid of becoming?

Irrelevant. Oh wait. Too late. Dammit.