3TC — Calendar Girl

0833882F-2E0B-4948-AE9F-17B985B4988DBarry took another deep hit off the bong. “Dude,” he said, “this grass is potent.”

“Yeah it is fine shit, isn’t it?” Doug replied.

“What is this?” Barry asked, holding up a page torn out from an old calendar.

“Where’d you find that?” Doug said.

“Underneath the seat cushion. Wow, who’s the babe in the picture? Look at those legs, dude. Nice boobs, too,” Barry said.

Doug ripped it out of Barry’s hand. “It’s just an old pinup girl calendar from the Fifties,” Doug said.

“But who’s Miss November 1950? She’s hot! And why was this one page hidden underneath the seat cushion?” Barry asked.

You asked too many questions,” Doug said. He then took a hit off the bong.

“Come on, dude, who’s the hottie?”

“Well,” Doug said, “My grandmother, my mother’s mother, was a pinup model back in the day.”

“That’s your granny?” Barry exclaimed. “Dude, she’s a GILF!”

“Um, she’s dead,” Doug said. “And if she were still alive, she’d be 93, so you may want to rethink that.

“Whoa, dude!” Barry said, taking another hit. “Hey, wasn’t there once a song about calendar girls?”

“Yeah, it was a song by Neil Sedaka.”

Written for the Three Things Challenge from Teresa at The Haunted Wordsmith. The three things are “calendar,” “leg,” and “grass.”

Daily Writing Challenge — Cold Hearted

4A563F4E-B776-4D5C-80B7-EDB3A11B197D“The man is just cold,” one insider said.

“He has no heart,” said another.

“But he demands loyalty,” said a third.

“Yes, but we all knew that when we voted for him,” said a fourth.

“And when we took these jobs in his administration,” said yet another.

“We’re all going to jail,” they didn’t say but they all thought.

Written for Teresa’s Daily Writing Challenge, where the three things to write about are “cold,” “heart,” and “loyalty.”

DWC — Christian Nation

21F63F5B-A29E-4469-AD69-3814332E5215“So what do you wish to declare as your religion?” the customs officer said.” Here in this country, as you know, we offer freedom of religion to all citizens.”

“And what about freedom from religion?” I asked.

“What do you mean by freedom from religion?” he asked.

“I mean that I have no religion to declare,” I responded.

“Are you saying that you have no faith?” he asked, giving me a bewildered look.

“Oh no, that’s not at all what I’m saying,” I said. “I have faith, but not in religion and not in God.”

“So who do you pray to, then?”

“I don’t pray.”

“That’s blasphemous, sir,” the visibly angry officer said.

“Listen, I know I’ve been out of the country for more than a decade and that a lot has changed since then, but our forefathers fought and died so that we could exercise our right to freedom of religion, including the right not to practice any religion at all, without interference from the government,” I said. “Are you telling me that their fight for that freedom was in vain, that it means nothing anymore?”

“I’m telling you,” he said, “that after the revolution of 2023, when the Constitution II was ratified two years later, our country was declared to be a Christian Nation, and while some minor non-Christian religions are still tolerated, agnosticism and atheism are against the law and against the natural order.

I looked at him and said, “So I cannot return to my country unless I declare my religion to be Christian?”

“Yes,” he said. “The official state religion is Christianity and you are free to declare yourself to be a member any of the approved Christian sects. That is the blessing bestowed upon us by the Supreme Leader of Trumplandia, Queen Ivanka.”

Written for yesterday’s Daily Writing Challenge from Teresa, The Haunted Wordsmith. The three words to use are faith, fight, and freedom. And yes, I know I’m a day late, but I had things to do, places to go, and people to see yesterday.

3TC — Be Best

E0353AB1-FDBF-406A-9140-EA90E72EC958Alicia opened the door to her small, one-bedroom apartment. She threw her purse into the front closet and hung up her coat. She sat down on the bench in the entryway and removed her high heeled shoes, replacing them on her feet with comfy slippers.

It was 7:30 in the morning and Alicia was dead tired. She debated whether to head straight to the bedroom and flop down in bed or to go to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. She ultimately decided on the latter, as she had some errands to run. After that, she could come back and go to sleep, as her shift didn’t start until nine that night.

As she walked into the kitchen she saw a flaky pastry in the middle of the small table and a red carnation laid next to it. Then she heard his voice.

“Hey baby,” he said. “I wanted to surprise you this morning. I went to the bakery you love and got you your favorite pastry. And then I picked up a lovely little carnation. You know you’re my best gal.”

“You did surprise me, Darryl,” Alicia said. “but I’m so tired I can hardly function.”

“Don’t worry baby,” Darryl said. “Just give me my money and I’ll be on my way.”

Alicia pulled out a large wad of bills from between her breast in her tight fitting halter top and tossed it to Darryl. He counted it out, got a displeased look on his face, and then threw ten twenties on table. “Here’s your take, bitch,” he said. “You best do better tonight, honey, or this pimp’s gonna cut you up.”

Then he added, “Remember what the First Lady said, ‘Be Best!’ You hear me, bitch?”

That was when Alicia grabbed the knife on the counter and plunged it deep into Darryl’s neck.

Written for Teresa’s Three Things Challenge, where the three things  are “bakery,” “surprise,” and “carnation.”

Three Things Challenge — If Dreams Came True

MEGA MILLIONS LOTTERY FEVER“I’ve always dreamed of taking a train ride on the Orient Express,” Sally said. “It would be so exotic.”

“My dream is to take a cruise to the Far East,” Amy weighed in. “Can you image how romantic such a voyage would be?”

“What about you, Charles?” Sally asked. “What do you dream about?”

“Yes, Charles,” Amy said. “Tell us what you would do if your dreams came true?”

“That’s an easy one,” Charles said. “My dream is simple. I want just one thing.”

“Do tell, Charles,” Sally implored.

“My dream is that I score a one billion dollar Mega Millions ticket,” he said. “And if you share my dream, Sally, I’ll buy you a train ticket for the Orient Express. And Amy, I’ll pay for your voyage to the Far East. Are you with me?”

“May all of our dreams come true,” Sally said.

“Hear, Hear,” said Amy.

Written for Teresa’s Three Things Challenge, where the things are train, voyage, and dream.