Sunday Writing Prompt — Cards on the Table

What the hell? Alan thought after he opened the package he received from his editor. He picked up his phone and called the guy.

“Josh here,” the editor said when he answered the call.

“You arrogant son of a bitch,” Alan yelled into the phone.

“Ah, Alan,” Josh said calmly. “I guess you got your manuscript with my edits.”

“Don’t pull your down-home, woodsy routine on me, you worthless, spurious bastard,” Alan said. “Who do you think you are to redline my entire draft and to replace entire sections of it with your revisions? I hired you to edit my book, not to rewrite the damn thing.”

“Alan, you’re just like all of the rest of the wannabe novelist who write shit and then claim you can publish your claptrap independent of editors and publishers,” Josh said.

“Are you calling my manuscript shit?” Alan asked. “You so-called editors couldn’t write your way out of a wet paper bag. All you do is take other people’s creative work and tear it to shreds.”

“You think you’re a creative artist, do you, Alan?” Josh said. “Your manuscript has about as much creativity as a carbon copy.”

“You weren’t saying that when you wanted me to hire you, Alan said. “You claimed, with that deceitful smiling face of yours, that my draft covered a wide sphere of interests and with your great prowess to tidy it up, it could be a best seller. Were you lying then, Josh, you unscrupulous dick?”

“Okay, Alan,” Josh said, “I’m going to put all of my cards on the table.”

“I wish you would, Josh,” Alan said.

“Alan,” Josh said, “Don’t quit your day job.”


Written for the Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Sunday Writing Prompt (cards). And for the Three Things Challenge (sphere, arrogant, smiling) from Di at Pensitivity101. Also for these daily prompts: The Daily Spur (editor), Ragtag Daily Prompt (woodsy), Your Daily Word Prompt (spurious), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (replace), And Word of the Day Challenge (independent).

3TC — Liquid Lunch

Tavern

Betty looked at the clock on the kitchen wall when Danny walked through the front door of their apartment. It was 2:30 in the afternoon. She knew what was coming, and sure enough, Danny walked into the kitchen, marched up to Betty, put his arms around her, and planted a sloppy, wet kiss on her mouth. Betty pushed him away.

“Come on, Baby,” Danny slurred. “I’ve got a hunger in my gut to get some sugar from my little love bunny.”

“That feeling in your gut, Danny,” Betty said, “is from your bellyful of booze because of your liquid lunch at the tavern. Now go sleep if off if you know what’s good for you, you bad boy.”


Written for the Three Things Challenge from Di at Pensitivity101. The three things are “belly,” “liquid,” and “hunger.”

3TC — At the ATM

I was about to use the ATM at my local bank when a man came up behind me and stuck a gun in my back. “Do as I say and you won’t get hurt, understand?”

“Yeah, I get it,” I responded.

“Good. Turn around.” I did as I was told. He was a little taller than me. He was wearing a hoodie and a ski mask covering his face. He handed me an envelope and instructed me to withdraw all of my cash and stuff it all into the envelope. Again, I did as I was told. I handed the envelope with the money in it to him. He put it in a pocket in his hoodie and then took out his mobile phone. “I got it,” he said into the phone. “What do you want me to do now?” There was a pause. “Are you sure?” he asked.

He looked at me, pointed to the woods behind the bank building. “Let’s take a little jaunt to the woods, shall we?” he said.

I looked at him and I said, “Look, I did exactly what you asked me to do. I have no idea what you look like and so I can’t describe you to the authorities, which I won’t do anyway. Just let me go and we can forget all about this, all right?”

“You’re a loose end, pal,” he said. “My boss doesn’t like loose ends.”

“You’re a smart guy,” I said. “Are you going to let your boss bully you into committing homicide? That’s a lot worse than armed robbery. Let me go and no one will be the wiser, I promise you.”

“Sorry, no can do. Now march,” he said.

“Wait!” I said. “There’s $500, the daily limit, in that envelope. I’ll give you my ATM card and my PIN and you can withdraw $500 a day until all of my money has been exhausted.”

I actually heard him chuckle. “Quit trying to honeyfuggle me, pal,” he said. Then he motioned towards the woods. I knew that if I did what he asked, I’d be a dead man. I’m no hero, but I had to do something. Thinking fast, I kneed him in the groin, causing him to double over. I had hoped he’d drop his gun, but he didn’t. I went after the gun in his hand and we struggled over it.

The sound of the pistol firing was deafening.


Written for these daily prompts: Your Daily Word Prompt (jaunt), Ragtag Daily Prompt (bully), and Word of the Day Challenge (honeyfuggle). Also for the Three Things Challenge from Di at Pensivity101, where the three things are “cash,” “envelope,” and “mobile.”

Sex Sells

“It’s odd,” Dwight said.

“What is?” Gregg asked.

“I put a post on the Nextdoor app advertising my business and I haven’t received any responses, not even one.”

“I didn’t know you started your own business,” Gregg said. “What is it?”

“I build and repair wood privacy fences,” Dwight said. “I even put an image on the ad showing the fence I built for my own house.” Dwight handed his smartphone to Gregg and said, “Here, take a look.”

“All due respect, dude,” Gregg said, “but you’re ad has no pizazz.”

“They’re wooden privacy fences,” Dwight said. “There ain’t a whole lot of pizazz going on with privacy fences.”

“My friend,” Gregg said, “sex sells. I’ll ask my wife to put on a skimpy bikini and to come over and pose seductively in front of your fence. If anyone can promote your business, that raven-haired beauty can.”

Dwight took a few photos of Gregg’s wife posing provocatively near the fence and posted the sexiest one on Nextdoor. Within a few hours he’d gotten dozens of inquiries. Thrilled, Dwight called Gregg. “You were right, buddy, sex does sell and now I’m basking in new fence projects.”

“See, I told you,” Gregg said, “so congratulations my friend. Bask away.”


Written for the Three Things Challenge from Di at Pensitivity101, where the three things are “post,” “build,” and “repair.” Also for these daily prompts: Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (odd), The Daily Spur (image), Your Daily Word Prompt (respect), Word of the Day Challenge (raven), and Ragtag Daily Prompt (bask).

3TC — Exotic Pets Not Allowed

“I’ve told you this umpteen times before, dammit,” the country club’s athletic director yelled at Nick, “and I’m not going to tell you this again. You’re not allowed to have exotic pets on the tennis courts.4FB78D65-24E6-40D7-AEB6-D3270F26D76BIf you don’t immediately turn around and take your pet alligator with you, I’m going to have to call security.”


Written for the Three Things Challenge from Di over at Pensitivity101. The three things are “exotic,” “pets,” and “tennis.” Also for these daily prompts: Your Daily Word Prompt (umpteen), Jibber Jabber (turn), and The Daily Spur (Security). Photo credit: Steemit.com.