Rory Does It Again

5fb252a6-1409-4622-bf90-ca23cbab1d9bRory, aka A Guy Called Bloke, was nominated for the coveted Liebster Award and paid it forward by nominating my blog for the award, along with seven other bloggers. Of course, there’s some mistake because the Liebster Award focuses on blogs with fewer than 200 followers and mine has more than 1,600. And also, my blog is an award-free blog.

Nonetheless, when Rory asks, I answer. So here goes.

If vampires can’t see their reflections, why is their hair always so neat?

It’s in their blood. Or perhaps in the blood of their latest, well-groomed victim.29A28516-F30D-4ED8-BB19-9EE1C481E9AA.jpeg

If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

No, they are just behaving inappropriately.

If they weren’t called grapes and you had the opportunity to rename them, what would you call them?

Pre-raisins.

If the grass wasn’t green what color would you make it?

Brown. That way you couldn’t tell the grass from the brown spots on my lawn.93b5ec9d-d312-430e-a334-3f6ef0dd1f79

Has your imaginary friend ever had an imaginary friend, or just you?

My imaginary friend left me for his imaginary friend. Talk about being jilted.

So, dance in the rain, wallow in the mud or naked angel in the snow?

What do you think a naked skier like me would say? I’d dance naked in a mud puddle in the rain.

Can you describe your blog to me without using the letters i and e?

A blog about ths, that, and th othr.

What are you afraid of becoming?

Irrelevant. Oh wait. Too late. Dammit.

Friday Fictioneers —Cyber Distraction

A91CDF1D-3715-4707-BC58-0D0FB6D62E27David was happy with the progress he was making on the homemade globe for his science class project. He’d applied a layer of papier-mâché all over a round balloon to give it shape. Once dry, he used a layer of chicken wire to provide structural integrity before applying the next layer of papier-mâché.

David’s mistake happened when he decided to take a short break. He opened his laptop and logged on to Facebook. Six hours later he realized that his “short break” meant he’d have to pull an all-nighter to have his globe ready in time for class the next day.

(100 words)


Written for Rochelle Wisoff-Fields’ Friday Fictioneers prompt. Photo credit: Douglas M. MacIlroy.

FFfAW — The Way Station

5C5CD5D3-3C20-4453-A922-519EC22F65AFJerry glanced at the piece of paper and double checked the address written on it to see if he was at the right place. He was.

Ignoring the signs saying “No Entry” that were affixed to posts leading up to the building, Jerry proceeded to walk toward the double doors at the building’s entrance.

Suddenly appearing out of nowhere, a uniformed guard stepped in front of Jerry and held up his hand. “Don’t you know how to read?” he barked.

Startled, Jerry jumped back, but quickly gathered himself and said, “This is the address I was given by the concierge.” He handed the piece of paper to the guard, who looked at it and then tore it up.

“What are you doing?” Jerry yelled.

“You cannot enter here.”

“Okay,” said Jerry. “Then tell me where I can enter.”

“There’s been a mistake,” the guard said. “Go back to the concierge at the way station and tell him that you must first be sent to purgatory before you can be permitted to enter heaven.”

(174 words)


Written for this week’s Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers from Priceless Joy. Photo credit: Yarnspinnerr.

Oh Dear. There’s Been a Serious Mistake

I am sure it was not intentional. These things happen. A case of mistaken identity, I suppose.

What am I talking about, you ask? Well, it seems that a blogger and poet who goes by the name of Mws R has somehow come to the conclusion that I, Fandango, am someone capable of performing random acts of kindness. As a result, she nominated me for something she calls the Random Acts of Kindness Award.51FE35B3-4D06-42F3-B0D8-419095C8C5CAAccording to Mws R, this is “an award to give to another for their kindness or what they unselfishly give to others.” The problem is that (1) I’m not the kind of person who does random acts, and (2) I’m not known for my kindness. So there must have been some mistake.

As part of this award process, I’m supposed to “share a paragraph of something that impacted your own life in the way of receiving kindness or how you extended kindness to someone else.”

Oh jeez. Is stopping at a crosswalk while in my car to avoid hitting an old lady on crutches a random act of kindness? Or is it just a means for avoiding a felony charge for manslaughter?

Oh wait. I know of two acts of kindness. The first was when we took in and gave a home to a stray cat. And the second was when we adopted a rescue dog from a kill shelter and provided it with a loving home.

Of course, these were really more acts of kindness on the part of my wife, but we’re life partners, right? So I’m going to, for the purpose of this post, take full credit.

Next, I’m supposed to “nominate anyone or to share your own page.” I’m sharing this page and suggesting that anyone who has either performed a random act of kindness or has been the recipient of one should feel free to share your own story.

Publish and Perish

2E68BE4E-66FA-4257-971D-01E23B6D62B9Earlier today I once again I accidentally published a post before it was fully baked. I hate when that happens. When I realized that I published the post prematurely, which was within seconds of my mistake, I went into the WordPress app and reverted the status of the post back from published to draft.

I’m assuming, however, that by the time I did that, the damage had been done. My post probably showed up in the WordPress reader and in the email inboxes of those who follow my blog. And for anyone who tried to link to my erroneously published post, they probably got the WordPress “Oops, Something Went Wrong” message. Oh the horror!

Undoubtedly, the cause of this premature publication issue is that I blog exclusively via the WordPress app on my iPhone. In case you don’t know this, an iPhone’s virtual keypad is a lot smaller than the physical keyboard of a laptop or desktop computer. Touch typing on a smartphone’s virtual keypad is virtually impossible.

Thus, it’s really easy to fat-finger the wrong thing (e.g., “publish” instead of “save as draft”) on a smartphone. And that is apparently what I did.

So I apologize to those who attempted to read my mistakenly published post only to find nothing there.

Tangentially, I went to Google Images to find a picture to place at the top of this post, which is something I do for most of my posts. I searched using the term “fat-fingered,” hoping I could find a funny image of some klutz like me fat-fingering a smartphone’s virtual keypad.

DO NOT SEARCH GOOGLE IMAGES USING THE SEARCH TERM “FAT-FINGERED.” Trust me, there are certain images that can’t be unseen.