The Term Paper

There’s a limit to how much a person can take
I hadn’t really considered what was at stake

I thought I’d be able to carry out a diabolic plan
But I ultimately realized that I had to take a stand

I just wasn’t ready to use an AI-generated content app
For my paper because it would surely turn out to be crap

I went to my room, smoked a joint, and got high
Thought about how to give a reversal a try

I am feeling vindicated for doing what is right
Now I just have to figure out for my paper what to write

Written for these daily prompts: Ragtag Daily Prompt (limit), Your Daily Word Prompt (diabolic), The Daily Spur (ready), Word of the Day Challenge (room), My Vivid Blog (high), JusJoJan (reversal), and Fandango’s One Word Challenge (vindicated).

And before you ask, as bad as this poem is, it was actually written by me, not by a chatbot.

Doughnut Versus Donut

I spent much of my adult life in Dunkin’ Donuts country (aka Massachusetts). My idea of the perfect doughnut was forged by the variety of delicious treats that graced the shelves of my local Dunkin’ Donuts establishment.

I loved to stop at Dunkin’ Donuts on my way to work for a cup of hot coffee and a doughnut. But I admit that I’d rarely tasted any other establishment’s doughnuts, so I had little by way of comparison.

Around 20 years ago I was on a business trip in North Carolina. An associate of mine who lived in the area picked me up early one morning at the hotel and, as we were driving to the meeting, I asked him if he knew where the nearest Dunkin’ Donuts was.

He gave me a quizzical look because he was unfamiliar with Dunkin’ Donuts. “You want to stop and get a doughnut?” he asked. “There’s a Krispy Kreme near here. We can stop there.”

I’d never heard of Krispy Kreme before, but since I hadn’t had time for coffee or to eat anything before he picked me up, I agreed.

My world was rocked that morning. Never had I experienced anything as light and airy as a Krispy Kreme doughnut. It was like eating a sweet, delicious, glazed cloud.

Sorry Dunkin’. We had a good thing going, but your heavy, cakey doughnuts don’t cut it next to those incredibly delicious Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Especially when they’re fresh and hot from the cooker. Oh yum!

That said, the coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts is better than the coffee at Krispy Kreme. Sadly, where I live now in the San Francisco Bay Area, Dunkin’ Donuts and Krispy Kreme Doughnut stores are few and far between. But there are great cupcakes shops galore, so I’m surviving.

Written for Linda G. Hill’s JusJoJan prompt — my first of the year — where today’s word, suggested by Liz Husebye Hartmann, is “donut.”

The Crazy Cat Lady

“You’re being facetious, right?” Debbie said to me. “How can you not like cats? They’re so adorable and lovable, and whenever you come over here, you always make a fuss over my three cats, Princess, Chester, and Isadora.”

“I never said that I don’t like cats,” I said defensively. “It’s just that I’m not an ailurophile, like you. I don’t flaunt my feelings about cats in the same way you do. You’re a bit over-the-top, you know?”

“I get the distinct impression that there’s more to this discussion than meets the eye. So let’s just drop the bullshit and probe a bit deeper, shall we?” Debbie said.

“Fine, let’s do that, Debbie,” I said. “You have an unhealthy obsession with cats. Look at this place. All of the art on your walls are cat drawings, paintings, photos. You have porcelain cat figurines on every hard surface. You have cat wallpaper in your bedroom, a cat quilt on your bed, which is on top of cat sheets. Your throw pillows all have cute little cats on them. You have a designer litter box and you spend more on cat food than you do on your own food. Your favorite earrings are those stupid cats sitting on crescent moons. There’s cat fur all over everything in your apartment. And to be brutally honest, your apartment stinks of cat urine.”

Debbie started sobbing. “If that’s the way you feel, you can just get your coat and leave. I never want to see you again.

“Fine,” I said, “I’m out of here. I just hope you come to your senses, Debbie, before you end up being called the crazy, old cat lady in apartment 3B.”

Written for these daily prompts: JusJoJan (facetious), My Vivid Blog (ailurophile), Word of the Day Challenge (flaunt), Your Daily Word Prompt (distinct), The Daily Spur (drop), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (probe), E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (crescent), and Ragtag Daily Prompt (coat). Earrings photo from Pinterest.

It’s been a week since we put our beloved cat down. I’m not an ailurophile, like Debbie in this story, but I so miss my cute and cuddly (most of the time) little rescue cat.

Knock Their Socks Off

“I’m at a loss,” Dean said. “I’ve got my final interview for that dream job in San Jose on Tuesday and there’s a goddam blizzard outside. The roads are impassable and the all of the airports in New England are closed. This is a huge quandary because the majority of the hiring team is scheduled to be there.”

“I’m sure they are prepared for something like this,” Dean’s wife Anna said. “Text the recruiter and see what the options are. I’d be surprised that a high tech company like that couldn’t accommodate a video interview if you tell them that you’re snowed in.”

About 45 minutes later, Dean came into the kitchen and hugged his wife. “You’re as sharp as a hawk’s eyes,” he said. “The recruiter said it would be fine to conduct the interview over Zoom under the circumstances and he applauded my honesty and ingenuity.”

“Yay,” screamed Anna. “I’m going to start consolidating our stuff that we’ll be taking with us when we move from New England to Northern California.”

“Wait,” Dean said. “Don’t jinx us, Anna. I’ve still got to make it through the interview.”

“I’m not worried, Dean,” Anna said. “You’ll knock their socks off.”

Written for these daily prompts: The Daily Spur (loss), My Vivid Blog (blizzard), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (quandary), Word of the Day Challenge (majority), JusJoJan (prepare), Ragtag Daily Prompt (hawk), E.M.’s Random word Prompt (honesty), and Your Daily Word Prompt (consolidation).

Animal Kingdom

Some mammals are blubbery, like the majestic whale.

Others are lanigerous, like Bo Peep’s sheep.

There are critters that I find infuriating, like the moles who poke holes all over my lawn. I’d like to drub them on the head with a rubber mallet, but to them it’s just a game of whack-a-mole.

Some animals, like rams, use their antlers or horns against each other in their battle for dominance.

And then there are creatures who are pure innocence, like the fawns who almost daily visit my backyard with their families. As adorable as they are, I’d like to take my belt to them to scare them away because they are destroying my plants. But my wife asks for my understanding, insisting these delicate animals have the right to survive.

And for no other reason than to fit it into this post, I believe today’s prompt words are the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Written for these daily prompts: E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (blubbery), Ragtag Daily Prompt (lanigerous), My Vivid Blog (infuriating), Your Daily Word Prompt (drub), The Daily Spur (battle), Word of the Day Challenge (innocence), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (belt), JusJoJan (understanding), and Scott’s Daily Prompt (sliced bread).