I have have some positive news to share about the coronavirus pandemic. I’ve lost about ten pounds since this whole shelter-in-place order has been in effect. I don’t know why that is, because, other than when I go out and walk my dog, I spend the rest of my time sitting on my ass inside my house. And yet, I’m shedding pounds, something that make my wife very annoyed, since she’s not.

As a result of this weight loss, my pants don’t fit me anymore. Unfortunately, I have no hips to speak of and I have a flat butt. Hence, my old jeans, which are now too big around the waist, keep falling down, even with my belt on. To address this dilemma, I ordered a pair of clip on suspenders from Amazon, and they were delivered last week. I also ordered some new jeans with a smaller waist size.

So now, when I wear my older jeans, I use suspenders to hold them up, despite the fact that my wife says it makes me look like an old-timey farmer. And when I wear my new, smaller-waisted jeans, using my belt to keep them up works fine.

God doesn’t wear a face mask

In the weirdness file, an Ohio lawmaker is objecting to the wearing of face masks on the grounds that God doesn’t wear one. Wearing a face mask, Republican state representative Nino Vitale argues, dishonors God.“This is the greatest nation on earth founded on Judeo-Christian Principles. One of those principles is that we are all created in the image and likeness of God. That image is seen the most by our face. I will not wear a mask,” Vitale wrote on Facebook. “That’s the image of God right there, and I want to see it in my brothers and sisters.”

Seriously folks, you can’t make this shit up.