Share Your World — About Cereal, Toys, and Pets

Share Your WorldIt’s Monday and that means that Melanie has graced us with another edition of Share Your World. This time Melanie wants to know…

Is cereal soup? Why or why not?

No. Try putting Cheerios and milk into a sauce plan and heating it up for a few minutes and you’ll quickly see that cereal is not soup. Cereal is cereal and soup is soup, just like day is day, night is night, meat is meat, and fish is fish.

What are some interesting ways to answer everyday questions like “how’s it going” or “what do you do”?

These are examples of perfunctory questions that people ask without really expecting or even wanting an answer. That said, if someone asks me, “How’s it going?” I would typically say, “Fine and you?” But maybe someday I’ll instead say, “Well, tell me what it is and I’ll tell you how it’s going.

And if someone asks, “What do you do?” I might answer, “That depends upon how much time and how much money you have.”

What was your favorite toy growing up?

Probably my Etch-a-Sketch. I used to spend hours with that thing. I wish we had digital photography back then so I could have taken pictures of some of the more elaborate sketches I painstakingly created.

If you have a pet, and you could ask it three questions, what would you ask?

We are down to one pet now that our dog is gone. The three questions I’d like to ask our cat are:

  1. Why do you insist on jumping up on the table and sitting down right on top of my newspaper every morning when I’m having my first cup of coffee and trying to read the paper?
  2. Why at 5:00 every morning do you jump on the bed, walk on my body, and start kneading the blanket. Can’t you wait just another hour or two?
  3. What’s up with those gross hairballs that you spit up every few days? A little warning might be nice.

What’s one simple thing society at large could do to improve our world?

Wear a goddam face mask when you go out in public and keep your distance.

Friday Fictioneers — It’s a Hoax

FC565EB4-3021-4CDC-9BCF-307C17A517FD“Look at this,” Mark said, handing his smartphone to his wife. “This makes me so damn angry.”

Karen looked at the picture on his phone and asked, “It’s just a bunch of people walking down the street in what looks like a touristy area.”

“That’s exactly what it is,” Mark said. “This was taken yesterday. Can you believe that?”

“I’m sorry, Mark, but I don’t understand.”

“Where’s the social distancing?” Mark said. “Where are the face masks? How do people expect us to get past this pandemic if they disregard what the doctors are saying?”

“Well, according to the president….”

Written for today’s Friday Fictioneers prompt from Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Photo credit: Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.

Sunday Writing Prompt — The “Lockdown”

Coronavirus in AmericaMy dear fellow Americans (and citizens of the world),

It’s time we had a serious conversation about coronavirus, Covid-19, or, as our asshole, racist president calls it, “the China virus.”

It has come to my attention that some of you apparently believe it’s a hoax and that the press and even the public health experts are using scare tactics to take away your freedom and liberty to be as stupid and selfish as you want to be. You question the efficacy of practicing social distancing and of wearing face masks when outside of your home, and make lame excuses for refusing to do so. You have even turned such practices into political issues.

Don’t you understand that social distancing and wearing of face masks are designed to aid in controlling and reducing the spread of this highly contagious disease that has infected more than 4.3 million Americans and killed almost 150,000? And, regardless of your age, gender, or state of health, you are not immune.

There’s an old expression: an ounce of protection is worth a pound of cure. Don’t be a selfish, ignorant asshole like Donald Trump. For your own safety, and for the safety of those you know and love, stay at home whenever possible. And when you do go somewhere, wear a mask and practice social distancing. Doing so won’t harm or kill you and those you care about. Contracting COVID-19 may.

Written for today’s Sunday Writing Prompt from Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie.F9D146EF-8F7E-49B9-906F-0F46CF82C801Also for these daily prompts: Word of the Day Challenge (conversation), Jibber Jabber (believe), Your Daily Word Prompt (efficacy), The Daily Spur (excuses), Ragtag Daily Prompt (design), and Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (aid).

Suspenders and Face Masks

454CB634-725B-4CC7-9F88-A2E159DF09BAI have have some positive news to share about the coronavirus pandemic. I’ve lost about ten pounds since this whole shelter-in-place order has been in effect. I don’t know why that is, because, other than when I go out and walk my dog, I spend the rest of my time sitting on my ass inside my house. And yet, I’m shedding pounds, something that make my wife very annoyed, since she’s not.

As a result of this weight loss, my pants don’t fit me anymore. Unfortunately, I have no hips to speak of and I have a flat butt. Hence, my old jeans, which are now too big around the waist, keep falling down, even with my belt on. To address this dilemma, I ordered a pair of clip on suspenders from Amazon, and they were delivered last week. I also ordered some new jeans with a smaller waist size.

So now, when I wear my older jeans, I use suspenders to hold them up, despite the fact that my wife says it makes me look like an old-timey farmer. And when I wear my new, smaller-waisted jeans, using my belt to keep them up works fine.

God doesn’t wear a face mask

In the weirdness file, an Ohio lawmaker is objecting to the wearing of face masks on the grounds that God doesn’t wear one. Wearing a face mask, Republican state representative Nino Vitale argues, dishonors God.276BCABA-62D1-423C-B20C-938456DDCC29“This is the greatest nation on earth founded on Judeo-Christian Principles. One of those principles is that we are all created in the image and likeness of God. That image is seen the most by our face. I will not wear a mask,” Vitale wrote on Facebook. “That’s the image of God right there, and I want to see it in my brothers and sisters.”

Seriously folks, you can’t make this shit up.