I was pissed. I’m an aspiring actor and my agent, Goldie McFintail, hadn’t gotten me into an audition since late last year. I was getting desperate. I picked up my phone and called her up. When she answered I yelled, “What the hell, Goldie, did my number fall out of your Rolodex? Why haven’t I heard from you in six whole months?”
“Who is this?” Goldie asked.
“Oh come on, Goldie, this is Barry Scales,” I answered. “Maybe if you’d pick up the phone and call me every once in a while, you’d recognize my voice.”
“Oh yes. Barry. Of course,” Goldie said. “The truth is, Barry, there aren’t a lot of parts these days that would fit you. And, as the saying goes, there are lots of fish in the sea. The competition for meaty roles is fierce and there are a lot of sharks ready to mercilessly gobble up those roles.”
“Goldie, please,” I begged. “There must be something I can at least audition for.”
“Well, a famous director is casting a new movie and maybe I can call in a favor,” Goldie said. “But it’s a stretch and the odds of you getting a role are about like those of salmon swimming upstream through bear territory. And you might have to put on a, well, a costume.”
“Whatever it takes, Goldie. Just get me an audition,” I said. “I’m up for a good costume drama. What’s the name of the movie and what kind of costume would I have to wear?”
“The working title is ‘Jaws V’ and you’d have to wear a large dorsal fin and act like a predator shark.”
“Oh,” I said.
Written for Christine Bialczak’s Simply 6 Minutes Challenge. Image credit: Romolo Tavani.