reindeer

Fibbing Friday — Christmas in July

Fandango12 Comments

Frank (aka PCGuy) and Di (aka Pensitivity101) alternate as hosts for Fibbing Friday, a silly little exercise where we are to write a post with our answers to the ten questions below. But as the title suggests, truth is not an option. The idea is to fib a little, a lot, tell whoppers, be inventive, silly, or even outrageous, in our responses. Today is Frank’s turn to host and here are his questions.

1. What are the names of Santa’s eight reindeer?

One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, and Eight. Did you know that Santa originally had nine reindeer? It’s true. But then tragically one night, Seven ate Nine.

2. What reindeer was known for having a unique nose?

Nosy.

3. What was so unique about said reindeer’s nose?

He had a nose job, which he claimed was because he had a deviated septum. But all the other reindeer knew that it was purely cosmetic.

4. Who wore a magic top hat that made him sing and dance?

Fred Astaire.

5. According to the song, who’s eyes are “all aglow”?

The children who live in the Village of the Damned.

6. Who exactly is Susie Snowflake?

She’s that girl in your Current Affairs class who is always looking for her “safe space.”

7. Why do we hang stockings by the chimney at Christmas?

Because the clothes dryer is on the fritz.

8. According to the song, why had we “better watch out, better not cry, better not pout”?

Because you don’t want anyone accusing you of being a Susie Snowflake.

9. According to the same song, when does Santa see you?

When you’re masturbating.

10. Why do we leave cookies and milk for Santa?

Only sadistic people leave cookies and milk for Santa because everyone knows that Santa suffers from celiac disease and if exposed to gluten found in most cookies, it causes inflammation in the gut. He also is lactose intolerant and shouldn’t consume dairy products such as milk.

Fibbing Friday — Christmas Fibs

Fandango17 Comments

Frank (aka PCGuy) and Di (aka Pensitivity101) alternate as host for Fibbing Friday, a silly little exercise where we are to write a post with our answers to the ten questions below. But as the title suggests, truth is not an option. The idea is to fib a little, a lot, tell whoppers, be inventive, silly, or even outrageous, in your responses. Today is Frank’s turn to host and here are his questions.

1 – What does it mean to “come a-wassailing”?

It’s an invitation to go out onto the bay in a sailboat, get drunk, and post a YouTube video of everyone saying “Wassup?”

2 – What was on Little Jack Horner’s thumb when he pulled it out of his Christmas pie?

He pulled out a long, brown hair that his mother must have let fall into the batter when she made the pie. It caused Little Jack to upchuck.

3 – According to the song, what was it that “My True Love gave to me” on the 8th day of Christmas?

Divorce papers. Turns out she wasn’t really his true love at all.

4 – What is the purpose of a Yule log?

It’s what ends up in the toilet after having taken a laxative to finally unblock your bowels after drinking too much eggnog while decking the halls with all that holly.

5 – What was so special about the reindeer named Rudolph?

A few years earlier, Rudolph had been a she, Ruth, but she had undergone a sex change operation because Santa, a misogynist, would not permit a female reindeer to lead his reindeer team.

6 – What were the names of Santa’s reindeer?

Groucho, Zeppo, Chico, Harpo, Curly, Moe, and Larry.

7 – Why do we leave a snack for Santa?

If you don’t leave Santa a snack, the fat bastard won’t leave you a present.

8 – Who or what is Krampus?

Krampus is what women go through each month when they have their menstrual cycle.

9 – How did the tradition of kissing under mistletoe get started?

It was an attempt to take a man’s attention away from the cameltoe of that sexy young girl in the very, very tight jeans and to force him to focus, instead, on kissing his wife on her lips. Her mouth lips, that is.

10 – Why is Christmas celebrated in December?

September has Labor Day, October has Halloween, November has Thanksgiving, January has New Year’s Day, February has Valentine’s Day, March has the Ides of March, April has Easter, May has Mother’s Day, June has Father’s Day, July has Independence Day, and August has International Beer Day (followed by International Hangover Day). December needed a holiday, so it was decided that Christmas would be in December.