Dear fellow dog owners,

I have a bone to pick with some of you. Like you, I’m a dog owner. And like most of us dog owners, I’m responsible and diligent when it comes to cleaning up after my dog. I carry at least two poop bags every time I walk her and I always, always pick up her poop wherever she decides to deposit it.

But there are too many of you who are falling down on the job. You allow your dog to poop in the middle of the sidewalk, on people’s lawns, in the park on the grass where kids play, and on paths and trails where people walk.

I am sick of how inconsiderate you, as a dog owner, are being when you don’t bother to clean up after your dog. I am tired of having to scrape your dog’s shit off the soles of my sneakers when I step in the crap you and your dog left behind.

Like I had to do this morning when one of you sonsabitches left your dog’s poop in the middle of the sidewalk.

So I’m very nicely requesting that you do what is right and scoop up your dog’s shit so that someone else doesn’t end up stepping on it or sitting in it.

And I’m also putting you on notice. If I ever see any one of you thoughtless dog owners fail to pick up after your dog, I’m going to do you a huge favor and scoop it up in one of my poop bags.

And then I’m going to catch up with you and, I swear to God, I’m going to smash it in your face.

Best regards,

Fandango