No, this post isn’t an ode to a dearly departed goldfish. It’s actually about what happens to my brain when I’m stoned.

Back in my youth, I used to smoke pot with some regularity. But after I got married and we had kids, I stopped. Why? Because it made me stupid. Smoking pot, that is, not having kids.

As a husband and a father with young children, I knew that my wife and kids depended upon me to have a presence of mind in case something serious needed my attention. Being stoned, as enjoyable as it was, was not something I’d want to be if I needed to be clear thinking and clear eyed. So I stopped smoking grass.

Now I’m an old fart. I’m retired. My kids are grown up and are living their own lives. My only responsibilities are to walk my dog, clean my cat’s litter box, go grocery shopping with my wife periodically, and to eat, sleep, and blog.

The use of marijuana for recreational purposes in the state of California became legal last month. So, after many decades of not getting stoned, my wife and I went to the local pot store and bought some “edibles,” including cookies, mints, and gummies, all infused with marijuana.

We have eaten a few cookies or gummies over the past couple of weeks and we each enjoyed the resulting highs. However, I found that while I’m stoned, I have the memory of a goldfish — about three seconds.

I might, for example, be in the middle of a discussion about some very important topic and will suddenly forget whatever point I was attempting to drive home. That’s when I’ll ask, “What was I talking about,” and everyone in the room will crack up in hysterical laughter.

Memory of a goldfish.

Or I may get up off my ass, walk into the kitchen, open up the refrigerator, and stare at the contents, suddenly realizing that I have no idea why I got up up off my ass, walked into the kitchen, and opened up the refrigerator in the first place. Did I have something in mind? Did my wife ask me to get her something? No clue.

Memory of a goldfish.

Or when we’re watching a TV drama, particularly one with a lot of twists and turns in the storyline. I have trouble focusing on the plot and sometimes can’t remember what’s going on from one scene to the next.

Memory of a goldfish.

I’ve also noticed that time moves much more slowly when I’m stoned. Everything seems to take much longer than it normally takes. Like when I get up to go to the bathroom and my stream of pee just goes on and on and on. Well, it seems to, but it really doesn’t .

That last item has nothing to do with having a memory like a goldfish. But it is an accurate observation about being stoned.

And no, I’m not stoned while writing this post, in case you were wondering. That would cause me write something stupid.