Memory of a Goldfish

Image result for memory of a GoldfishNo, this post isn’t an ode to a dearly departed goldfish. It’s actually about what happens to my brain when I’m stoned.

Back in my youth, I used to smoke pot with some regularity. But after I got married and we had kids, I stopped. Why? Because it made me stupid. Smoking pot, that is, not having kids.

As a husband and a father with young children, I knew that my wife and kids depended upon me to have a presence of mind in case something serious needed my attention. Being stoned, as enjoyable as it was, was not something I’d want to be if I needed to be clear thinking and clear eyed. So I stopped smoking grass.

Now I’m an old fart. I’m retired. My kids are grown up and are living their own lives. My only responsibilities are to walk my dog, clean my cat’s litter box, go grocery shopping with my wife periodically, and to eat, sleep, and blog.

The use of marijuana for recreational purposes in the state of California became legal last month. So, after many decades of not getting stoned, my wife and I went to the local pot store and bought some “edibles,” including cookies, mints, and gummies, all infused with marijuana.

We have eaten a few cookies or gummies over the past couple of weeks and we each enjoyed the resulting highs. However, I found that while I’m stoned, I have the memory of a goldfish — about three seconds.

I might, for example, be in the middle of a discussion about some very important topic and will suddenly forget whatever point I was attempting to drive home. That’s when I’ll ask, “What was I talking about,” and everyone in the room will crack up in hysterical laughter.

Memory of a goldfish.

Or I may get up off my ass, walk into the kitchen, open up the refrigerator, and stare at the contents, suddenly realizing that I have no idea why I got up up off my ass, walked into the kitchen, and opened up the refrigerator in the first place. Did I have something in mind? Did my wife ask me to get her something? No clue.

Memory of a goldfish.

Or when we’re watching a TV drama, particularly one with a lot of twists and turns in the storyline. I have trouble focusing on the plot and sometimes can’t remember what’s going on from one scene to the next.

Memory of a goldfish.

I’ve also noticed that time moves much more slowly when I’m stoned. Everything seems to take much longer than it normally takes. Like when I get up to go to the bathroom and my stream of pee just goes on and on and on. Well, it seems to, but it really doesn’t .

That last item has nothing to do with having a memory like a goldfish. But it is an accurate observation about being stoned.

And no, I’m not stoned while writing this post, in case you were wondering. That would cause me write something stupid.

15 thoughts on “Memory of a Goldfish

  1. Richmond Road February 5, 2018 / 7:46 pm

    Maybe that’s why it makes almost any TV show highly entertaining …. the memory of having seen the same show 5 or 6 times before (and, most likely, having found it nauseatingly dull) has been erased. My goldfish is happy to watch almost anything with equal enthusiasm.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Marilyn Armstrong February 5, 2018 / 8:22 pm

    I have not found getting stoned is anything like it was when i was young. I don’t LIKE being “dumbed down” and it makes me dizzy and sleepy. BUT.

    My cardiologist recommended it. If i can use it and not cough my lungs out — there aren’t any edibles around here yet — it in does drop my blood pressure a solid 20 points top and bottom. I may give it another try if I only use it at bed time when i want to sleep. It IS good for lowering blood pressure and I’m already on a maximum number of medications … so that really IS what is left.

    I have to wait for them to finally get around to setting up pot shops legally because I can’t inhale. My sternum never fully healed after heart surgery and all that coughing makes me feel like my heart is going to fall out of my chest.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Fandango February 5, 2018 / 10:04 pm

      I don’t use pot in weed form (i.e., inhale it) either. Is marijuana use for medicinal purposes not yet legal in Massachusetts? If it is, and your cardiologist recommends it, he or she can write you a prescription for it. And if it is legal for medicinal use, there should be dispensaries where you get get edibles. Marijuana-infused chocolate bars and fudge are good.

      By the way, I was just telling my wife that I don’t remember pot making me feel as “dumbed down” when we used to smoke it back in the day. I think it’s a lot stronger (and purer?) these days than it was 30-40 years ago.


      • Marilyn Armstrong February 6, 2018 / 11:29 am

        It’s legal and has been for several years. They are just dragging their feet about setting up shops for it. Taxes. Locations. Legal stuff. Just bullshit. It was a mandate that was passed, but four years later, it’s still “any day now.”

        Liked by 1 person

      • Marilyn Armstrong February 6, 2018 / 11:30 am

        It IS much stronger than it was. I liked it better less powerful. I don’t need to be flattened by a single drag.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. V.J. Knutson February 6, 2018 / 9:26 am

    Hilarious! My adult children are trying to convince me to use ‘weed’ (as we used to call it) for medicinal purposes, but I’ve already written two poems to goldfish, so now I have my solid argument against it – thanks for that.

    Liked by 1 person

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