medieval

Weekend Writing Prompt — Poetic Justice

Fandango15 Comments

I woke up to find that she had put a thick tether around my neck and tied the other end to a large rock. “It’s time for a change,” she said.

Feeling the collar and leash around my neck, I became frantic. “What kind of change? What are you going to do to me?”

She laughed. “I was planning to disunite your penis from your body, given your history of cheating. The symbolic nature of that act, albeit somewhat medieval, would serve as a measure of poetic justice.

(80 words)

Written for Sammi Cox’s Weekend Writing Prompt, where the word is “tether” in exactly 80 words.

Also for these daily prompts: The Daily Spur (rock), MMA Storytime (change), Word of the Day Challenge (frantic), Your Daily Word Prompt (disunite), and Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (symbolic).

Grape Wine Versus Apple Cider

Fandango13 Comments

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, as you sit in this courtroom on this sad and overcast day, you must certainly see that all of the evidence points to the fact that this defendant,” the prosecutor said, pointing toward the hapless man sitting at the defendant’s table, “has demonstrated a voracious appetite for wassail.”

“Let me point out to you that wassail, if you’re unfamiliar with it, is a beverage of hot mulled cider made from apples. Apples, ladies and gentlemen, not from grapes. Wassail is traditionally drunk as an integral part of wassailing, a medieval Christmastime English drinking ritual intended to ensure a good cider apple harvest the following year,” he added.

“Let me also remind you that we no longer live in medieval times. These are modern, 21st century times. And we don’t live in England. We live in the Napa Valley region, which is the heart of California’s wine county. Our local harvest is grapes, not apples.

“And while it is, indeed, getting close to Christmastime, you must remember that this has been a devastating year for our local wine industry. The pandemic has significantly the curtailed demand for our fine wines because most of the restaurants that serve our wines have been closed since March. And the horrific wildfires of this past summer destroyed so many of our local wineries.”

The prosecutor paused so his words would sink in on the members of the jury. “It with no whimsy, ladies and gentlemen, that I implore you to find this defendant guilty of promoting the consumption of apple cider over the consumption of grape wine. This is an act of egregious disloyalty to our local economy and it’s your job to right this wrong and to rectify this injustice.”

The prosecutor made eye contact with each and every juror. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” he said, “I rest my case. Now do your job.”

Written for these daily prompts: MMA Storytime (overcast), The Daily Spur (evidence,) Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (voracious), Word of the Day Challenge (wassail), Ragtag Daily Prompt (wine), and Your Daily Word Prompt (whimsy).

On Wheels and Walls

Fandango21 Comments

994c23b5-55c0-49c5-9e21-8d2a0f5c5f0b“They say a wall is medieval, well so is a wheel. A wheel is older than a wall,” Trump said today, later adding, “The wheel is older than the wall, you know that? There are some things that work. You know what? A wheel works and a wall works. Nothing like a wall.”

Then our imbicile president said, “And I looked, and every single car out there, even the really expensive ones that the Secret Service uses — and believe me they are expensive — I said, ‘Do they all have wheels?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Oh. I thought it was medieval.’”

It’s kind of ridiculous to have to fact check every “fact” our lying leader spews, but here goes.

The oldest walls found in existence so far are those of the temple of Gobekli Tepe in Urfa, southeast Turkey, which date to 11,500 years ago.

Conversely, the first wheels were created to serve as potter’s wheels around 3500 BC, or around 5,500 years ago, in Mesopotamia.

Donald, Donald, Donald. Haven’t you heard what a truly great president, Abraham Lincoln, said? “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

Twittering Tales — Dark Ages

Fandango3 Comments

428701E8-1C29-46A7-9468-E97705E15470“What are they?” Donny asked.

“They were called typewriters,” Steve answered.

“What did they do?”

“People used them to type their text messages and then print them on paper. Then they would put them in envelopes and mail them.”

“OMG, that’s medieval.”

“So dark ages.”

“I know, right?”

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