It Takes One to Know One

For his Wednesday Thoughts prompt, Jim Adams has given us the phrase, “It takes one to know one” and asks us to “consider the phrase.”

This phrase reminds me of elementary school where kids would try to come up with a clever retort to something someone might say to them. For example if one kid called another kid an idiot, the kid who was called an idiot might respond to the kid who called him that with, “Takes one to know one.”

Other classic schoolyard retorts:

  • I know I am, but what are you?
  • I’m rubber, you’re glue; whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.
  • He who smelt it dealt it (fart related)
  • Rat smells its own shit first (also fart related)
  • And, of course there are the “your momma” retorts, as in…
    • Your momma’s so fat
    • …so stupid
    • …so ugly
    • …so lazy

What about you out there? Do you remember any classic childish retorts you can add to those I’ve suggested? If so, be sure to link back to Jim Adams’ post as well as to this one.

FFfPP — Are You Sure?

“Has anybody here seen my pussy?” Eleanor asked the group of seniors sitting around the community room at the senior center. Several of the men in the room started to chuckle. “Shut up you old fools,” Eleanor chided. “My cat. I’m asking about my cat. She’s white with green eyes and a pink nose.”

Marge raised her hand. “Eleanor, I saw you kitty a few minutes ago. She was peering at me from the stone wall next to the rear driveway.”

“Are you sure it was Princess?” Eleanor asked.

“Sure as you were born, “Marge said.

Eleanor ran out of the room and headed out to the rear driveway. A few minutes later Eleanor reentered the community room with her Princess in her arms. Eleanor had a wry smile on her face. She looked at the old men who were chuckling earlier and said, “Now do any one of you old fools want to pet my pussy?”

Written for Roger Shipp’s Flash Fiction for the Purposeful Practitioner. Photo credit: Anton Atanasov on Unsplash. Also for E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (anybody), and for Jim Adams’ Wednesday Thoughts, where the prompt is, “Sure as you’re born.”

Mr. Squirrel Verses Barky

Mr. Squirrel loves his home. There are plenty of trees to climb, nuts to eat when he’s hungry, a water feature for when he’s thirsty, and several bird feeders that the two-leggers keep filled with seeds that are easy for him to get to.

The only negative aspect about the place for Mr. Squirrel is that loud, barky, four-legger who lives with the two-leggers. But the good news is that whenever that four-legged barker is in the backyard, the two-leggers keep it on a leash, so even though it barks like crazy every time it sees Mr. Squirrel, that’s just a lot of noise and doesn’t prevent Mr. Squirrel from having free rein in his yard. So he doesn’t feel like he’s tempting fate by showing himself even when the barky thing is around.

Until one day when a mini two-legger went into the yard with the four-legger, who saw Mr. Squirrel and started barking like crazy and pulling at the leash. The mini two-legger let go of the leash and the barky four-legger bounded towards Mr. Squirrel before Mr. Squirrel could skedaddle.

As the barky thing started to jump on the little squirrel, Mr. Squirrel held up his two front paws and squawked something that sounded like the word “no.”

Being a well-trained dog, upon seeing the signal to stay and hearing the word “no,” the barky four-legger stopped in its tracks, giving Mr. Squirrel just enough time to scamper away and to find the closest tree to climb up.

Meanwhile, hearing the commotion, the bigger two-leggers ran out into the backyard, grabbed the leash, attached it to the barky four-legger’s neck collar, and yelled, “Bad dog.”

Mr. Squirrel looked down from his perch on a high tree branch and smiled.

Written for Christine Bialczak’s Simply 6 Minutes challenge and for Jim Adams’ Wednesday Thoughts prompt, where the prompt is “tempting fate.” Photo credit: Mary McGowan/The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards 2018.

Wednesday Thoughts — Keep the Mother Rolling

Jim Adams has a new prompt he’s calling Wednesday Thoughts. (Yes, I know it’s Thursday and I’m a day late. Sue me.)

In this prompt, Jim is giving us a title to his post and then is asking us to share what we think about the title, which this week is “Keep the Mother Rolling.”

Here’s what I came up with:

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Their mother went with them
Because she felt she oughta

She didn’t trust her kids
To ever do anything right
So she followed them
Never letting them out of her sight

Jack and Jill grew very resentful
Of being under the watchful eye
Of their overbearing mother
They decided that they had to try

To stop being oppressed by that woman
And being punished for all of their toiling
So at the top of the hill they did her in
And down the hill they had to
Keep their mother rolling