The Wedding Toast

E1B042AA-3F28-4DC1-A467-DA9E89DFB908.jpeg“Please, honey,” John’s wife said, “try not to be so verbose this time.”

“Hey, Elaine, was that a dig?” John said, a friendly grin on his face.

“No, sweetheart, just a suggestion to keep it short,” Elaine said. “You do have a tendency to go on an on, flapping your waddle when you make a long speech.”

“My waddle?”

“Yes, babe,” Elaine said. “Ever since you lost all that weight you’ve got a bunch of loose skin under your chin that flaps when you talk. It’s really distracting.”

“That was an unkind thing to say,” John said, feigning hurt.

Elaine walked up to John, grabbed his waddle and fondled it. “I love your waddle, John, I really do. You remind me of that sexy Mitch McConnell.” Then she kissed his lips. “All the other wives are green with envy that I have a hubby with such a magnificent chin waddle.”

John smiled and returned his wife’s kiss. “Thanks, I think,” he said.

“But that not withstanding,” Elaine said, “you really do need to transcend that tendency of yours to drone on and on when someone hands you a microphone. Remember, when asked to give a wedding toast to the bride and groom, to keep it crisp.”

Written for these daily prompts: Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (verbose),  Daily Addictions (dig), Word of the Day Challenge (waddle) The Daily Spur (green), Your Daily Word Prompt (transcend), and Ragtag Daily Prompt (crisp).

Outlook Is Good

044FC830-18E9-483B-8185-79FD58A9BCDF“I will never become accustomed to this, no matter how many times I’ve gone through it,” Jen said.

“I remember when, at your last wedding, you got stung by a bee right before the ceremony,” Darlene said.

“In hindsight, I realize that I made an error by having the wedding in the rose garden,” Jen laughed. “That will never happen again.”

“Yeah, that was a bad omen, for sure,” Darlene said. “You don’t want to do anything this time that might jeopardize your future wedded bliss.”

“Well, I checked with my trusty Magic 8 Ball and it said, ‘Outlook Is Good,’ so I’m looking forward to a very positive outcome this time around,” Jen said.

“Okay then,” Darlene said. “You look beautiful and I’m sure your debut as the blushing bride for wedding number five will be magical.”

Written for these daily prompts: Your Daily Word Prompt (accustomed), Daily Addictions (bee), Ragtag Daily Prompt (error), Word of the Day Challenge (jeopardize), The Daily Spur (outcome), and Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (debut).

FFfPP — The Engagement Ring


“I am riddled with guilt,” Dennis said. Amanda and Dennis were sitting at the white wrought iron table in the field of purple blossoms located behind the main house at her family’s farm. It was a beautiful summer day and Amanda was in a great frame of mine.

She looked up at Dennis. They had gotten engaged in February and the wedding was scheduled for late September. “What on earth do you have to feel guilty about, sweetheart?” she asked Dennis.

“I’m so sorry, babe,” Dennis said, tears welling up in his eyes. “I cheated on you and I can’t live with myself.”

“What! When? With whom?”

“With your cousin Carol,” Dennis confessed, “after your sister’s sweet sixteen party. Can you ever forgive me?”

Amanda jumped up, causing her chair to fall over. “Get out of my sight!” she screamed. “My cousin? Oh my God! Get out! I never want to see you again. GET OUT!” Amanda pulled the diamond engagement ring Dennis had given her and threw it as far as she could into the field.

After Dennis left, Amanda said, “Oh shit,” and ran in the direction she had tossed the ring hoping she could find it.

Written for this week’s Flash Fiction for the Purposeful Practitioner from Roger Shipp. Photo credit: GaborfromHungary at

Wedding Day, Wedding Night

1E7AF551-4CCC-429D-B9A6-ECEF2A64855CAmanda watched her older sister, sitting in front of a mirror in her wedding gown admiring her reflection. “Do you like what you see?” Amanda asked.

Joyce, surprised by her kid sister, turned and gave Amanda’s dirty look. “Shouldn’t you be doing your homework or playing with your dolls or something instead of spying on me?”

“What? And miss watching you preen in front of that mirror?” Amanda said.

“You’re such a child, you just don’t understand,” Joyce said. “Tomorrow is my wedding day and I want to make sure I look my best, since it’s my day and all eyes will be focused on me.”

“Well, duh,” Amanda said. “That’s a safe assumption, since you’re the bride and it’s your wedding day.”

“Do you want to see something really sexy that I bought to wear on my honeymoon?” Joyce said. “Go to the closet and pull out the black and red garment that’s hanging there.”

Amanda walked over to the closet, threw open the curtain and and pulled out a skimpy teddy that Joyce asked for. “Ooh, that’s insidious,” she said.

“Insidious?” Joyce said. “Oh no, little sister, that is total seduction.”

“Well, if you really want all eyes to be focused on you tomorrow, Joyce,” Amanda said, “forget the wedding gown and wear your wedding night teddy.”

“Now that would be insidious,” Joyce said, laughing.

Written for the Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Tale Weaver prompt, where the tale is suppose to consider the notion of a wedding. Photo credit: Guilherme Also written for these daily prompts: Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (homework), Ragtag Daily Prompt (preen), Word of the Day Challenge (safe), The Daily Spur (curtain), and Your Daily Word Prompt (insidious).

#TMAT120 — Going Commando

I was an usher at an out-of-town wedding and had to get fitted for a tuxedo. All of the men in the wedding party went to the tailor together. We were in a large fitting room when the tailor instructed us to remove our trousers.

Back then I was a hippie who went commando (i.e., I didn’t wear underpants). I dropped trou and there I was with four other guys in the fitting room and I was the only one fully “exposed.”

The tailor knelt down in front of me, my junk in front of his face at eye-level. Unfazed, he looked up at me with a blank expression, and politely asked, “Will you be wearing underpants at the wedding?”

(Exactly 120 words)

9B646C9D-1F1C-4DD6-A2BB-E2848E7E71C6This post was written for this months Tell Me a Tale in (Exactly) 120 Words (#TMAT120) prompt. The challenge is to write about “a funny event in your life.”

Note: this is a highly edited, cut down version of a much longer, 487 word post I wrote in July 2017. If you’re interested in reading the original, click HERE.