Share Your World — Stress Relief, the Afterlife, Koalas, and Creepy Tech

Share Your WorldIt’s Monday and that means that Melanie, over at Sparks From a Combustible Mind, has asked us to participate in her weekly Share Your World prompt. So let’s get to it.

What do you do to get rid of stress?

According to the New York City Health Department, I should masturbate. But I’m also I’m watching less news and my wife and I are playing a lot of very competitive games of Yahtzee, Backgammon, 500 Rummy, and that old no-brainer standby card game, War!

In the past people were buried with the items they would need in the afterlife, what would you want buried with you so you could use it in the afterlife?

First, as an atheist, I don’t believe there is such a thing as an “afterlife.” When it’s over, it’s over, so I have no need for toys after I’m dead. Because I’ll be dead! Second, I intend to be cremated, so anything I would take with me would be, like my physical body, be relegated to ashes.

What’s the opposite of a koala? (This is strictly for fun. I know what I came up with as an answer, but it was nonsensical. Alaok. See? It’s okay to pass on this one too if you want)

What kind of question is that? That’s like asking what is the opposite of human. The answer: Republicans in the U.S. Congress. But back to Koalas. They look so cute and cuddly. So I’m going to go with grizzly bears, who will tear you to shreds over a package of Oreo cookies.

What’s the creepiest tech out there? (My interpretation of “tech” is app or program. If you know what “tech” is supposed to mean, hey! Great! Educate us.

The creepiest tech is the tech used by hackers to steal your identity.

GRATITUDE IS AN ATTITUDE

What method are you using to find your smile right now? Please explain in detail so others might utilize the same ideas. Some bloggers have shared a daily (weekly sometimes) method that they are using to keep their spirits up right now. I’d love to hear from anyone who does and is successful at it! Have a great week and stay safe!

Today I received delivery of 18 rolls of toilet paper and 18 boxes of facial tissues. And, oh boy, that made me smile!

Also, this item that I received in an email today made me smile:

If Trump were captain of the RMS Titanic

There isn’t any iceberg.
There was an iceberg but it’s in a totally different ocean.
The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon.
There is an iceberg but we didn’t hit the iceberg.
We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be repaired very shortly.
The iceberg is a Chinese iceberg.
We are taking on water but every passenger who wants a lifeboat can get a lifeboat, and they are beautiful lifeboats.

Look, passengers need to ask nicely for the lifeboats if they want them.
We don’t have any lifeboats, we’re not lifeboat distributors.
Passengers should have planned for icebergs and brought their own lifeboats.
I really don’t think we need that many lifeboats.
We have lifeboats and they’re supposed to be our lifeboats, not the passengers’ lifeboats.
The lifeboats were left on shore by the last captain of this ship.
Nobody could have foreseen the iceberg.

Shopping for Seniors

FFA9A69A-4544-4D4D-AB5E-DE9BEA122622I went to my local Whole Foods Market this morning. The market opened an hour early for shoppers age 60 and above. I got there 15 minutes before the store opened and the line of old folks to get in already snaked around the corner. And yes, they checked our IDs before we could get inside the store. On the other hand, those in line were not practicing good social distancing.

The good news is that I was able to get everything on the list my wife put together for me. Well, everything except toilet paper, that is.

On the way home I stopped by Safeway, naively thinking that it may have had toilet paper. Of course, it didn’t.

And speaking about Safeway, I am pissed. I meant to write about this in yesterday’s Monday Peeve from Paula Light, but I forgot.

So why am I pissed at Safeway? Well, last Wednesday I went online and ordered a bunch of stuff for “drive-up and go.” The earliest scheduled pick up they gave me was Monday (yesterday) at 8 am, five days after I placed my online order. Seemed like a long time to wait, but these are strange times, right?

Then, on Sunday night, I got this voicemail message.

Hi, this is Patrick with Safeway Drive-Up and Go calling to notify you that your order has been cancelled. We’re sorry for any inconvenience. This is due to the overwhelming intake of orders we have been getting. If you have any questions, please feel free to call us at any time. Hope you have a goodnight. Goodbye.”

WTF, Safeway? I called the number back and asked why my order, made five days early, was canceled. The guy said they’ve been so swamped with orders that they randomly canceled a bunch of them.

“Randomly?” I asked. “Why not cancel the most recent orders and fulfill the older ones?”

“I don’t know,” the guy said. “We’re just doing what the big guys tell us to do.”

So yeah, I’m pissed at Safeway. Of course, they could make it up to me by delivering a few rolls of toilet paper.

SoCS — I Need Some Welcome News

3E76617D-7297-4862-9514-B49BDDD0E47CI don’t know about you, but I’d welcome some welcome news. All I read, all I hear, and all I see is bad news. And just when I think it can’t get any worse, it does.

Last month my wife and I moved from San Francisco to a suburb about 35 miles east of the city so that we could be geographically closer to our son and his wife who are welcoming a baby boy into the world in late May. But we’ve only seen them once since we moved here. With this whole COVID-19 situation, we are having to resort to video chats to see them.

We have a lovely welcome mat, much like the one pictured at the top of this post, outside of our front door. But I’ll be damned if anyone is welcome to step into my house these days. I won’t even open my door for someone who knocks or rings the doorbell. It’s just too risky. So I talk to them through the door or use my video doorbell to tell them to go away.

I used to welcome going to the mailbox and retrieving the mail, but I just read an article with some very unwelcome news. The article stated that experts are saying coronavirus could be transferred through mail delivery by sick employees. Postal workers, the article continued, are complaining that the USPS isn’t doing much to keep them or their customers safe.

A number of mail carriers said they have been pressured to stay on their routes despite showing symptoms of COVID-19. Others said that they’ve been given little or no hand sanitizer even though they have limited opportunities to wash their hands on their routes.

Medical providers are running short of personal protective equipment (PPE), hospitals are running short of respirators, and many experts are predicting that the demand for acute care hospital beds will far exceed the supply. The death toll due to this virus is increasing exponentially in many cities and states and the response from Donald Trump and the federal government has been woefully inadequate.

And I still haven’t found any goddam toilet paper in any of the local grocery stores or pharmacies. I did see this little quip that I thought was kind of funny, but in an unwelcome way.491983F3-D44A-477A-95A7-92518AF39400I need some welcome news. Do any of you have any welcome news you can share with me? Please!


Written for today’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt from Linda G. Hill. Linda has asked us to use the word “welcome” any way we’d like. I’m sorry to have used the word in a way I don’t particularly like and in a very unwelcome way.

Oh Shit!

DEC301FA-5F86-4F5D-93EA-60458A653393It’s been a pretty shitty day today. We have about six rolls of toilet paper in our linen closet. So to be on the safe side, this morning I made a run to get some back up rolls, just in case. I went to two drug stores and three grocery stores and there was not a single roll of toilet paper in sight.

Then, right after getting back from my unsuccessful toilet paper run, I got a call from my bank about “suspicious activity” on my credit card. Sure enough, some evil people have attempted to use my name and credit card number to pay for Netflix and to purchase meals at Chipotle, a restaurant I have never been to and never plan to go to, particularly in light of a toilet paper shortage.

So the bank is canceling that credit card and will be sending me a new one with a different account number. What a hassle!

And if that wasn’t enough to ruin my day, I saw an article come across my newsfeed saying that many of Bernie Sanders’ hardcore supporters, also called “Bernie Bros,” are vowing that they will never vote for Joe Biden at the ballot box — even if that means handing Trump a second term.1BBD071C-D3BE-4FE8-9549-849F74C47575Are you fucking kidding me? Bernie, the handwriting is on the wall. You won’t win the nomination, so it’s time to drop out and get your so called Bernie Bros to pull together and support Joe Biden, if for no other reason than to unite the Democrats so that we can rid our country of the scourge of Donald Trump.

Yes, it’s been a pretty shitty day today.

Is It Really That Obvious?

3EA8F829-BF70-4179-AF28-45DCF8809A14Yes, I guess the antipathy I feel toward that incompetent, unfit, unstable, imbecile who currently occupies the Oval Office is that obvious. Why else would Teresa, The Haunted Wordsmith, gift me with this lovely roll of toilet paper? I sure hope it’s 2-ply.

So, in the long standing tradition of Teresa’s white elephant party gift giving, and following the theme celebrating the shitstorm of Donald Trump, I am gifting these trinkets to the following bloggers:

Due to her generosity, evidenced by her daily white elephant gift giving prompt, I am throwing a gift right back at Teresa. I hope she enjoys drinking coffee, tea, or bourbon from this great mug.840ac954-605c-4c6e-a889-ace158e0e7b9.jpeg

And to one of the most politically aware, astute, and active anti-Republican bloggers I know, I gift this to Suze over at Suziland Too. 7D5ED93E-15BD-45D8-ADBC-DAA58DEF5B50.jpeg

And last, but not least, I’m sure that Cheryl, the Bag Lady, will make good use of this gift of the perfect pen or pencil holder.A3FB5D3F-B01F-49B6-ABF9-A90729024246