Meat and Veggies

B0E75F90-7D51-4F60-96E9-BD102DAA7F7A“Um, what are you doing?” Sara asked.

“I’m simply trying to ameliorate all of the damage you’ve done,” Josh said.

“Damage? Don’t you think you’re being a bit dramatic?” Sara said.

“Oh I think I’m being quite judicious, my dear,” Josh said. “Someone has to take steps to clarify what you posted.”

“Oh my God!” Sara said, “You and your snowflake friends need to zen out, for crissake. I’m not taking it back. I meant what I said.”

“Come on, Sara, it wasn’t that bad, was it?” Josh said. “Listen, if they can make hamburgers and hot dogs from veggies, why can’t they make veggies from meat?”

“Josh, I understand that you and your meat-eater pals feel threatened by us vegans,” Sara said, “but why would you go out of your way to give me what looked like carrots that were made out of turkey meat? They were disgusting and I’m going to keep beating that drum on Twitter and there’s nothing you can do about it.”


Written for this week’s Time To Write Sentence Starter prompt from Rachel Poli, where we asked to write a story beginning with the word “Um.” Also for these daily prompts: Ragtag Daily Prompt (ameliorate), The Daily Spur (being), Daily Addictions (bit), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (judicious), Your Daily Word Prompt (clarify), and Word of the Day Challenge (zen). Photo of Arby’s “marrot,” a turkey meat-based carrot, credit: Peyton Fulford for The New York Times.

Going Solo

C713F0E8-2FC8-441F-AEC6-7C8AF5916D50I’ll go with you!” Ralph insisted.

“Like hell you will,” Ben said. “This is something I have to do alone, dammit.”

Listen, dude, ” Ralph said, “I’ve always been your wingman. Tonight is not the time to commence a solo act.”

“Tonight’s exactly the right time, my friend,” Ben said. “And there’s no better event to go solo than this one.”

“This is blasphemy, dude,” Ralph said. “We have a chance to capture the spotlight tonight, the two of us together.”

“Ralph, you seem to have this unnatural infatuation with us doing this thing together, but tonight is my chance to shine, my friend,” Ben said. “I understand and I commiserate with you, buddy, I really do. But when I step up on that stage for tonight’s karaoke contest finale, I’m going it alone.”


Written for Rachel Poli’s Time To Write Sentence Starter prompt, where the sentence is “I’ll go with you.” Also for these daily prompts: Daily Addictions (listen), Ragtag Daily Prompt commence), The Daily Spur (event), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (blasphemy), Your Daily Word Prompt (capture), Word of the Day Challenge (infatuation), and Nova’s Daily Random Word (commiserate).Tygpress not authorized

Spy Versus Spy

BB3EDA1A-E3E8-41EC-B00B-A3C8C361DA91I’ve been getting some strange comments showing up in my spam folder lately. Like this one:

“Alex9, this message is your next piece of data. Immediately message the agency at your earliest convenience. No further information until next transmission. This is broadcast #5771. Do not delete.”

Sometimes, like above, the comment is addressed to “Alex9.” Sometimes it’s addressed to another mysterious, secret agent-like name. But the message is always the same.

And the cryptic wording is weird. “Immediately message the agency.” What agency? Are we talking CIA? FBI? MI6? Mossad? KGB? What?

And then there’s “…at your earliest convenience.” So what is it — immediately or at my earliest convenience? “…next transmission” “…do not delete.” Seriously?

Well, listen, whoever you are, I’ve got news for you. I never sent in an application to any of those spy agencies. You showed a serious lack of judgment sending this message to me. I may be an uncle, but I’m not The Man From U.N.C.L.E. As much as I’d like to, it’s not my job to eradicate evil in the universe or to stop the polar ice caps from melting.

So I’m going to ignore your directive to message the agency and I’m going to delete this spam comment forthwith. Over and out.


Written for these daily prompts: Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (news), The Daily Spur (judgment), Your Daily Word Prompt (eradicate), Word of the Day Challenge (universe), Ragtag Daily Prompt (Emmy), and for Rachel Poli’s Time To Write (application).

The Gates of Hell

979edffc-b85c-4449-9c3a-1e43e7686501.jpegTake the gun,” she said, handing me the revolver. She was stunning. A ginger with green eyes and a body that wouldn’t quit. I’d walk to the gates of Hell for her if she’d ask me to.

What’s the plan?” I asked after taking the gun from her.

“We break camp at dawn,” she said. “We’ll be meeting up with fighters from the other rebel camps in the foothills just south of the metropolis.”

“You know that the government troops will still seriously outnumber and outgun us,” I pointed out.

“Our objective is to cause as much havoc as we can, to disrupt their operations, and to try not to let them capture or kill us when we inevitably retreat,” she said.

“From what you’re saying” I said, “it sounds like this is shaping up to be a suicide mission.”

“You’re probably right,” she said, “but we are rebels with a good cause. As Patrick Henry said, ‘Give me liberty or give me death.’ I’ll see you either at the rendezvous point tomorrow night or we’ll spend an eternity in Hell together.”

See, I told you I’d be willing to walk to the gates of Hell for her if she asked. And that’s exactly what she was asking.


Written for the Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie First Line Friday prompt, where the first line is “Take the Gun,” and for Rachel Poli’s Time To Write Sentence Starter, where the line is “What’s the plan?” Also for these daily prompts: Ragtag Daily Prompt (camp), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (rebel), The Daily Spur (metropolis), Word of the Day Challenge (capture), and Your Daily Word Prompt (eternity).

Which Way Is North?

DA17162C-BFB8-4EFF-9F8D-E564D951C9E4Breathe in, breathe out, you’ll be okay,” Hank said to his wife. “Listen, there are a lot of people who are directionally challenged. You just have to try understand that driving uphill doesn’t mean that you’re headed north.”

Tell me something I don’t already know,” Beth said. “Intellectually I understand that. But when the lady in the GPS tells me to head north, my brain converts that to uphill. And when she says go south, I can’t help but think she means to go downhill.”

“I suppose there’s a certain percent of the public that associates north and south to up and down,” Hank said.

“That’s easy for you to say,” Beth said. “I’d estimate that it’s an incredibly tiny number of people who do that. I feel so stupid.”

“Just pull over, take a deep breath, and get yourself together.” Hank said. “It’s understandable that you’d feel that way. After all, Beth, when you look at a map, north is up and south is down.”

When the car was parked by the side of the road, Beth started crying hysterically. Hank reached over and grabbed her hand. “Hey, Beth, it’s okay. You have so many great characteristics that being directionally challenged is insignificant. Look at our president. He just tweeted that the moon is part of Mars, for crissake.”

“Yeah, I know you’re right, Hank,” Beth said. “And given that I’m close to hysterical, I really do appreciate your ability to maintain a stolid demeanor. Since you’re so cool, calm, and collected, I think you should get behind the wheel.”

“Fine,” Hank said, walking around to the driver’s side of the car. “Let’s see. We’re supposed to head north from here. That means we just go up that hill, right?”


Written for the Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie First Line Friday prompt (“Breath in, breath out, you’ll be okay”), for Rachel Poli’s Time To Write Sentence Starter prompt (“Tell me”), and for these daily prompts: Ragtag Daily Prompt (directional), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (percent), Word of the Day Challenge (public), The Daily Spur (estimate), and Your Daily Word Prompt (stolid).