Silent But Deadly

424DEC72-6FC0-48F1-A017-469FE9FFF995“Did you just fart?” Angela asked her boyfriend.

Chuck laughed. “Yeah,” he said. “Take a whiff.”

“That’s not funny, Chuck,” Angela said. “Farting in public is a horrible trait. And I especially object to you farting in front of me.”

“Don’t be so dense,” Chuck said. “Everyone farts and it’s much healthier to let it out than to try to hold it in. It’s a natural bodily function.”

“It’s bizarre is what it is,” Angela said. “I know you think you have a magnetic personality, but that magnetism you so highly prize is not enough to overcome your silent but very deadly farts.”

“Stop being so uptight,” Chuck said. “Go ahead, Angie, let one rip. You’ll feel better.”

Angela looked at Chuck and said, “Fine.” And then she leaned a little to her left, slightly lifted one butt cheek off the couch cushion, and did, indeed, let one rip.

Chuck took a deep breath, grimaced, and said, “You were right, Angie. Please don’t ever do that again in my presence.”


Written for the following one-word prompts: Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (whiff), Scotts Daily Prompt (trait), Ragtag Daily Prompt (object), Daily Addictions (dense), Your Daily Word Prompt (bizarre), and Word of the Day Challenge (magnetic).

SoCS — All About Farting

businessman fartingSo for this week’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt, Linda G. Hill challenged us to write a post about a bodily function. Actually, she said we could “decide on one or write about a whole bunch of bodily functions.”

My favorite bodily function is the fart. Because farts are funny. Back on July 1, 2017, I wrote a whole post about farts. Its focus was farting on airplanes and the bottom line (no pun intended) was that you should just go ahead and let it rip.

Farting is a natural part of the human digestive process. When you eat, you don’t just swallow food, you also swallow air, which contains nitrogen and oxygen. These tiny air bubbles make their way through our bodies and mix with hydrogen, carbon dioxide, and methane along the way. The only way they can escape the body is by releasing them out of our butts and into the air we breathe.

We each fart, on average, five to ten times a day. And, contrary to popular belief, women fart just as much as men. Most people try to avoid farting in public even though farting is a sign that we are healthy.

Did you ever notice, though, that your own farts seem to smell better than (or at least not as bad as) those of other people? Seriously, the next time you let one rip, take a whiff. We tend to like the smell of our own farts more than those of others.

One reason we favor the smell of our own farts is because we prefer that which is familiar to us. Another reason is because smelling something as odorous as another person’s fart triggers a natural fight or flight response. We want to protect ourselves from something that could potentially be poisonous or bacteria-ridden.

A third reason your own farts are sweeter than other people’s farts is because you know when you’re about to fart and your brain can prepare itself to process the fact that a nasty smell is afoot, so to speak. That’s why the dreaded “silent but deadly” farts often smells the worst. Without the warning sound coming from the butt of another person, your brain doesn’t have time to prepare itself for the foul smell.

This post has been a presented as public service announcement. 811F87AF-7F75-4CEA-A982-178559998395