Semiannual Ritual

752459D1-3A72-4A8B-8DA0-94B6B65B23BE“Do you know what’s happening this week?” Sol asked his wife.

Donna looked over at her husband. “Saint Patrick’s Day?”

“Well, yes, tomorrow is Saint Patrick’s Day,” Sol said. “But that’s not what I’m talking about.”

“What are you talking about, then?”

“Wednesday is the Vernal Equinox,” Sol said. “You know what that means, right?”

“Yes, it’s one of the two times each year that we have sex,” Donna said. “Once at the Vernon Equinox and once at the Autumnal Equinox. Woo hoo!”

(Exactly 83 words)


img_4297Written for Sammi Cox’s Weekend Writing Prompt. The idea is to take a word Sammi has selected, in this case, “Equinox,” and to write a post using exactly the number of words she suggests, in this case, 83.

Share Your World — I Scream for Ice Cream

Monday has rolled around once again, and you know what that means, right? It’s Melanie’s Share Your World time.

What’s the first thing you notice about a person?

At the risk of coming across as sexist, it’s gender. What can I say? I notice if a person is male or female.219C9E8B-FD3A-40AB-AF9E-8EBFDD100E49

What three habits do you feel would improve someone’s life?

A good night’s sleep, a healthy diet, and plenty of sex.

What takes up too much of your time? Would you stop that if you could?

Blogging. Duh! And, yes, I could stop if I wanted to, but I don’t want to.

Cookies (biscuits to those elsewhere), pastries, pie, or cake? If not, what does your sweet tooth crave?

Ice cream. I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!BE6CBE8E-C341-4EF1-A311-6B4D7B963D15

Are You Happy? If so, why? If not, why not?

Happy? That is so subjective. Let’s just say that I’m content.

Sex is a Dirty Word

546881D0-E338-4979-AE1D-C5F776C3B257You may have already heard that there is a proposal being floated at the U.S. State Department that could prohibit American diplomats from using the phrases “sexual and reproductive health” and “comprehensive sexuality education.”

Instead of “sexual and reproductive health” and “comprehensive sexuality education,” the proposal is that U.S. officials would be instructed to use phrases like “reproduction and the related health services” in official communications.

This proposal is being pushed by a handful of conservative political appointees at the State Department and other agencies. Abandoning the use of the word “sex” would be a symbolic move that aligns with other Trump administration efforts to reduce funding for, and focus on, women’s reproductive issues — especially anything related to abortion.

The problem appears to be that saying “sex” makes Trump’s far-right Republican supporters feel all sad and uncomfortable inside.

I guess that for the 2020 election, Trump is going to change his #MAGA hashtag to #MAPA, for Make America Puritan Again.

 

Throwback Thursday — Hangovers and How To Manage Them

When you’ve been blogging for 16 months, as I have, and you’ve published 1,667 posts, as I have, you are bound to have written some posts along the way that you are proud of, but that few people read, fewer people liked, and even fewer commented on.

This post, which I originally published on June 12, 2017, is one such post. This post got six views, three likes, and zero comments. So I thought it might be time to give it another go.


hungoverLet me be clear. I am not suffering from a hangover. I have turned into a teetotaler in my old age. I will occasionally have a beer, very rarely have a cocktail, and never drink wine. So hung over is something I have not been in perhaps decades.

But that does not mean that I didn’t wake up many a morning back in the day drooling on the bathroom floor and with my arms wrapped snugly around the porcelain goddess.

I vividly remember the aching head, the sick-to-my stomach feeling, the dizziness, the thirst, and the general sense of confusion when trying to remember what had happened the night before that landed me in a tight embrace with the toilet.

Who among you has never experienced a hangover? It’s quite common, you know. One study noted that more than 75% of people who’ve consumed alcoholic beverages have experienced a hangover. Many have missed work or school because of their hangovers.

So fess up, you’ve woken up with a hangover, right?

Hangovers have been around and acknowledged since at least biblical times. I know I’m the least likely person to be quoting a verse from the Bible, but, “Woe unto them that rise up early in the morning, that they may follow strong drink” (Isaiah 5:11). Woe unto them indeed!

Hair of the dog

Of course, the best advice for not waking up with a hangover is to not drink too much the night before. But, you know, shit happens.

V8 Bloody MaryI was once told that the best way to deal with a hangover is to have a drink, like a Bloody Mary. Especially one made with V8 Bloody Mary mix.

But that is apparently an old wives’ tale. Alcohol may temporarily make you feel better, but it will ultimately dehydrate you and leave you feeling worse later on in the day.

So how should you deal with a hangover? Here is a compilation of suggestions I’ve come up with after an exhaustive search on Google:

  • Drink water. After a night of excessive drinking, your body is absolutely parched. Since many of the negative symptoms of alcohol derive from the dehydration of the body, you need to rehydrate. Coconut water or sports drinks, as well as clear, carbonated beverages like ginger ale or Sprite, might also help.
  • Take Advil. Or aspirin. Some sites warn against Tylenol. Tylenol, which is acetaminophen, has been shown to have liver-damaging reactions with alcohol metabolites.
  • Drink caffeinated coffee — or don’t. Some “experts” warn against drinking coffee if you have a hangover. They say coffee further dehydrates you and is acidic. But others suggest that a cuppa Joe helps you to wake up and feel alert. If you are going to drink coffee, though, it might be wise to take some Advil with your coffee. And drink plenty of water as well, since caffeine causes dehydration.
  • Eat toast and crackers. These foods alleviate nausea and help your body soak up the alcohol in your system. Some sites also recommend a combination of bananas and pretzels, since both salt and potassium are electrolytes that hold water to decrease dehydration.
  • Drink tea. Ginger or peppermint teas can reduce nausea and motion sickness. Green tea is also known to be helpful in stimulating key detoxification pathways.
  • Have sex. There is no research that shows that sex will make a hangover go away, but maybe it will make the time go faster and possibly even make you forget about how miserable you’re feeling.

So there you have it, my friends. If you drink, don’t drive. If you drink a lot and wake up the next morning with a horrible hangover, have sex.

You’re welcome.

One-Month Anniversary Dinner

french-candadian-pork-pie-robbinsWe’d been going out for about a month and things were going great. She was smart, attractive, and once we finally got around to doing it, the sex was fantastic.

For our one-month anniversary she announced that she was taking me to the finest French restaurant in town. She told me that the chef at the place had been awarded the coveted Michelin three star designation for the past three years in a row.

She had planned the night down to the last detail. She ordered in advance the apéritifs and appetizers, the wine, and the main course, as well as the deserts and the digestifs.

Everything was going along swimmingly until it came time for the main course. The waiter came to our table and put down the entrées in front of us. I’ll admit they looked and smelled delicious. “Mmm,” I said to my girlfriend. “What do you call this dish?”

“It’s actually the specialty of the house,” she said. “It’s a French-Canadian tourtière.”

“A tourtière?” I said. “It looks like a pie.”

“It is. It’s a pork pie.”

“Oh,” I said.

“What’s the matter?” she asked, a look of concern on her face.

“Well, I thought you knew,” I responded. “I’m Jewish. I don’t eat pork.”


Written for Teresa’s Three Things Challenge, where the three things are pork pie, French, and chef.