Another Rant

There are times these days that I wish I could make like a bear and hibernate until things get better. But because I’m a human being and not a bear, that is impossible. So instead I log into WordPress and start to grouse about how terrible everything around us is and how the fabric of our country is becoming unraveled right before our eyes due to extreme political partisanship.

It was never my primary purpose to use this blog as a platform for the delivery of political rants and raves about such things, but my country is in the midst of such a raucous ideological donnybrook and I simply can’t remain silent.

I do apologize if you find such posts distasteful, and I will try to keep my rants to a minimum, but sometimes I just can’t help myself from sounding the alarm. But is anybody really listening? Apparently not.

Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (hibernate/tasteful), Scott’s Daily Prompt (impossible), Your Daily Word Prompt (grouse), My Vivid Blog (fabric), The Daily Spur (primary), E.M.’s. Random Word Prompt (delivery), and Ragtag Daily Prompt (donnybrook). Photo credit:

The Candidates Debate

“I don’t harbor any ill-will toward any other candidate in this race, including Ms. Gladstone here,” John Williams said, “but I think I do need to raise a few important matters that have been causing considerable aggravation for our citizens. Let’s discuss government overreach when it comes to the infringement of personal freedoms.”

“I’m afraid that Mr. Williams,” Melissa Gladstone interrupted, “would have you believe that mask mandates, steps to address climate change, and implementing common sense gun control laws encroach upon your civil liberties. But when it comes to the reproductive rights of women, the voting rights of minorities, or the rights of the LGBT community, all of which appear to be outside of his personal comfort zone, he’s fine with what he calls government overreach. But I’m optimistic that the good people of this state recognize hypocrisy when they see it and will vote for someone who will commit to doing what is most beneficial for our citizens, rather than for the unenlightened special interests who are behind my opponent’s candidacy.”

Written for these daily prompts: Ragtag Daily Prompt (harbor), The Daily Spur (candidate), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (raise), Word of the Day Challenge (aggravation), Your Daily Word Prompt (encroach), Scott’s Daily Prompt (comfort zone), My Vivid Blog (optimistic), and E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (beneficial).

Seeking Absolution

“In your own inimitable way,” the pastor said to the young woman, “you’re a good woman. Your only real flaw is that you have a tendency to gossip a little too much, but that’s not that uncommon, is it? Women thrive on gossip.”

The man sitting next to the woman chuckled. “And you,” the pastor said, looking at the man, “you seem to be a kind, unassuming, albeit unaffectionate man, whose biggest vice is that you are happy to browse pornography sites for hours on end, rather than being the man who considers his wife’s needs.”

He paused for a long moment before continuing. “But the two you have somehow managed to raise a wonderful daughter and a bright son. And most important, you have each committed to making a 180 degree turn in order change the current downward trajectory of your marriage. As your pastor and marriage counselor, I believe if you do the hard work you have promised, you can achieve total absolution for your sins.”

Written for these daily prompts: Ragtag Daily Prompt (inimitable), My Vivid Blog (gossip), Your Daily Word Prompt (thrive), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (little), Word of the Day Challenge (browse), The Daily Spur (daughter), Scott’s Daily Prompt (180 degrees), and E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (absolution).

The Ghostwriter

I contacted a guy who came highly recommended to be a ghostwriter for my autobiography. I sat through hours of being interviewed by him and was persuaded that he was capable, so I offered him the job. He said to give him three months.

Sure enough, at the three-month mark, the ghostwriter showed up with his first draft. I eagerly opened the box containing the manuscript and started reading. After about ten minutes I looked up at the ghostwriter and said, “This is not about me. What the hell is this?”

“It’s an autobiography,” he said. “Didn’t you hire me to write an autobiography?”

“Yes, you imbecile,” I screamed. “But I didn’t I hire you to ghostwrite your own autobiography. I hired you to ghostwrite mine.

“Oh,” he said. “I guess I misunderstood what you meant when you said you wanted me to write an autobiography, which, by definition, is an account of a person’s life written by that person.”

“You idiot,” I said. I threw his manuscript at him and said, “You’re fired.”

“Wait,” he said, “are you giving me the boot and not paying me for three months of hard work?”

“I’m giving you the boot figuratively speaking,” i said, “but if you don’t leave here immediately, I’m going to literally shove my boot up your ass.”

Written for Scott’s Daily Prompt (ghostwriter) and Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge (boot).

Ride ‘em Cowgirl

“That guy, Sam, is such a boor, don’t you think?” Sally said to Wendy.

“Actually, from my perspective, I think he’s rather rejuvenating,” Wendy said.

“Oh you’re just beguiled by his rugged good looks and his washboard abs,” Sally said. “But he’s dumb as a doornail and you can’t hush him up when he starts blabbing away about the most inane nonsense.”

“I find him to be quite an inspiration,” Wendy said, a faraway look in her eyes. “Besides, it’s not his intellect that attracts me.”

“Why you little sprite,” Sally laughed. “I know exactly what it is that inspires you about Sam, and it ain’t his mind.”

Wendy smiled. “Okay, you’re right, I admit it. But tell me you wouldn’t want to mount that stallion and strap it on while he takes you for a bumpy ride.”

Sally laughed. “Ride ‘em, you wicked cowgirl.”

Written for these daily prompts: Your Daily Word Prompt (boor), Scott’s Daily Prompt (perspective), word of the Day Challenge (rejuvenating), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (beguiled), Ragtag Daily Prompt (hush), My Vivid (inspiration), E.M’s Random Word Prompt (sprite) and ,strap Photo credit: Robert Alvarado.