No Way or So Way

4b37296c-ceaf-4c78-aaac-a83bb116c500Earlier this week, Rory, A Guy Called Bloke, introduced a game he first saw on “The Ellen Show” called “Never Have I Ever. I responded to his game with THIS post. Now he’s decided to do it again, but as he is wont to do, he’s changing it up again.

This time, instead of responding to his statements with either “I have” or “I have never,” he wants us to respond with either “Oh so way” or “Oh no way.”

Alrighty then. Here goes.

Injured myself while trying to impress someone.

Oh so way. Back in 1994, my family and I were on a camping vacation at Mount Rushmore. My son (he was 12 at the time) and I were shooting hoops at the campsite’s basketball court when two college girls came up and challenged us to a game of 2 on 2. My son threw a pass to me and as I was racing to the hoop for what was going to be an impressive dunk, I tore my Achilles’ tendon and fell down in a heap. The girls were quite impressed.

Pretended to be a raccoon and eaten from the trash can.

Oh no way. Although there may have been a time or two when I accidentally dropped something in the trash that I then fished out, brushed off, and ate.

Taken part in a fashion show.

Oh so way. Back in high school I had a part time job working in the men’s suits department at a local department store. One Saturday the store held a fashion show and I was asked to model men’s suits. That’s it, my one and only experience as a male model.cfa165bd-4c8a-423d-93ee-0015e928cc00

Made money by performing on the street.

Oh no way.

Accidentally broken something in someone’s house, but not told them.

Oh no way.

Walked for more than six hours.

Without stopping? Oh no way.

Stolen from a shop.

Oh so way. In high school I shoplifted a chameleon (lizard) from a pet store…and got caught.

Ridden a horse.

Oh so way. Mostly taking very tame horses on guided trail rides at national parks with my wife and kids.

Jumped out of a perfectly stable aircraft.

Not only oh no way, no fucking way. Are you kidding?

Cut my own hair.

Oh so way. I give myself a buzz cut with my beard/hair trimmer every week.d8a50b9d-034c-4112-8a59-d3dac9c04297

Performed my own dentistry.

Oh no way, unless you count yanking out some of my baby teeth when they were loose.

Fallen in love at first glance.

Oh so way…with the woman who is my wife.

Had a paranormal experience.

Oh no way. I don’t believe in ghosts.

Ursula Asks; Fandango Answers

2ed17876-b8e3-4f98-a0c9-ab49e3ab544eUrsula, An Upturned Soul, was nominated for the Mystery Blogger Award by Sadje. Oh Ursula, we have so much in common (cuz Sadje also nominated me for that very same award).

So Ursula has posed five questions in her response to the blog award for which she was nominated and has opened them up to anyone who would like to answer them. And I do, indeed, wish to answer them.

#1 – What is the best compliment you could get or have received for one of your creations?

“Oh wow, I wasn’t expecting that.” Because I like writing posts with a twist and I hate being predictable (except when it comes to my feelings about Donald Trump).

#2 – Which creative person has had the most influence on you and your creativity?

My answers to this question will demonstrate just how shallow of a person I am. In terms of the written arts, it’s columnist, humorist, and author Dave Barry. I love the wit and ingenuity of his work and and he always brings a smile to my face when I read him. At one point in my early days of blogging I tried to emulate his style and I failed miserably.cace55c5-2f80-40e6-9d1e-5a1cc62ca332

In terms of visual arts, it’s M.C. Escher. His graphic art always blows my mind.5cf21db9-ed99-43d8-9224-bf3e6dcacf78

#3 – Which work of art, literature, invention, song, film, etc, which has already been created do you wish you could have created?

Anything written by Dave Barry or drawn by M.C. Escher. Duh!

#4 – Do you have a creative muse, someone who or something which never fails to get your creativity flowing? Do you want to share your muse or keep them a secret?

Donald Trump. Just kidding. No, come to think of, I’m not.

#5 – You find a book and begin to read only to discover that it is your life. You get to the point that you are at now, do you turn the page knowing that you will not be able to change the events to come?

Whoa. I wish I would have thought of this question for one of my Fandango’s Provocative Questions posts. Actually, that book about my life would be so damn boring that I would have stopped reading it and put it down way before getting to the “now.”5eb98113-7e20-4a8f-80a6-f9763661c654

Of Butterflies and Dominoes

80b12a64-25f0-4ea4-85f8-636ce3e84fa1Sadje, over at Keep It Alive, was nominated for her third Mystery Blogger Award. She was kind enough to nominate my blog, along with ten others, for the award. So thank you, Sadje. I am honored and humbled.

Those of you who follow my blog know that I really appreciate being nominated for blog awards, but I don’t follow all the rules. That said, I’m very happy to answer the questions posed by the blogger who nominated me. So here goes.

If life offered a redo, what part of it will you want to change?

I subscribe to the butterfly effect and the domino theory, where one very small action can potentially have far-reaching and possibly unanticipated consequences. Therefore, I’d probably decline the redo offer for fear that the consequences of that redo would totally alter the course of my life. And, overall, I’m happy with my life as it is.

Can you remember what was the one thing you hated about school?

I never actually hated anything about school. There were courses I wasn’t particularly good at (math), but I honestly never hated school.

Growing up, what was your dream profession/job?

f61e6ee9-9b21-4fdf-8aeb-1c5a6359483bI wanted to be a DJ (disk jockey). I was always told I had a DJ-like voice. While in college, I even auditioned for and got a job hosting a midnight to six a.m. AM top-40 radio station. I enjoyed the job, but I had a hard time staying awake for classes after spinning records all night long. So I finally had to quit. Oh well, another dream shattered. (And no, that’s not me in the picture above.)

If you met your English teacher today, what would be her opinion about your blog?

I had a lot of English teachers in school. Some loved my writing. Others not so much. I imagine their reactions to my blog would be similar.

Would you rather be the frog prince/ princess or the ugly duckling?

Once a frog, always a frog. But an ugly duckling can evolve into a swan. So I’ll go with ugly duckling.

Well I Have Never…Or Have I?

f67b4f1c-f210-48f5-93b0-f20fe5dc1e73Rory saw something on “The Ellen Show” and he decided to have a go with it on his blog. It begins with a simple statement that starts “Never have I ever….” The participants in the game respond with either “I Have” or “I Have Never.”

So Rory has posed a series of “Never have I ever” statements and has asked us to simply post one of those two responses, as applicable.

Here goes:

Never have I ever taken a sexy selfie.

I have. But, no, I am not going to share it with you.

Never have I ever kissed a celebrity.

I have never.

Never have I ever been kicked out of a bar.

I have. The Devonshire Bar & Grill.

Never have I ever been asked to leave a church.

I have. Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve. Not this past Christmas Eve. It was way, way back when I was in high school.

Never have I ever ridden a motorbike.

I have. I have owned and ridden three different motorcycles through the years. Do they count as “motorbikes”?

Never have I ever have a l farted in public.

I have. Both accidentally and intentionally.

Never have I ever have l lied to get a job.

I have never.

Never have I ever been nude skiing.

I refuse to answer this questions on the grounds that it’s self-incriminating.

Never have I ever eaten a fried witchitty grub.

I have never. At least not to the best of my knowledge, since I have no idea what a fried witchitty grub is.

Never have I ever peed in the shower.

I have. Every time I take a shower.

Rory Does It Again

5fb252a6-1409-4622-bf90-ca23cbab1d9bRory, aka A Guy Called Bloke, was nominated for the coveted Liebster Award and paid it forward by nominating my blog for the award, along with seven other bloggers. Of course, there’s some mistake because the Liebster Award focuses on blogs with fewer than 200 followers and mine has more than 1,600. And also, my blog is an award-free blog.

Nonetheless, when Rory asks, I answer. So here goes.

If vampires can’t see their reflections, why is their hair always so neat?

It’s in their blood. Or perhaps in the blood of their latest, well-groomed victim.29A28516-F30D-4ED8-BB19-9EE1C481E9AA.jpeg

If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

No, they are just behaving inappropriately.

If they weren’t called grapes and you had the opportunity to rename them, what would you call them?

Pre-raisins.

If the grass wasn’t green what color would you make it?

Brown. That way you couldn’t tell the grass from the brown spots on my lawn.93b5ec9d-d312-430e-a334-3f6ef0dd1f79

Has your imaginary friend ever had an imaginary friend, or just you?

My imaginary friend left me for his imaginary friend. Talk about being jilted.

So, dance in the rain, wallow in the mud or naked angel in the snow?

What do you think a naked skier like me would say? I’d dance naked in a mud puddle in the rain.

Can you describe your blog to me without using the letters i and e?

A blog about ths, that, and th othr.

What are you afraid of becoming?

Irrelevant. Oh wait. Too late. Dammit.