Let’s Kiss and Make Up

90845c34-4fb2-41f4-b531-5722047d754c.jpeg“Excuse me,” the man asked a passerby dressed in female clothing who was very heavily made up, “Are you a drag queen? I’ve never met an authentic drag queen before.”

In a voice that couldn’t really be described as distinctively male or female, but had a tone that was definitely acerbic, the person said, “I am not, good sir, a drag queen. I am a transgender woman.”

“I’m not sure I know what that is,” the man said. “Would you mind giving me an explanation?”

The transgender woman got a big grin on her face. “Let me put it this way,” she said. “I’m a little bit Latino and a little bit Latina.”

“So are you a man dressed up as a woman or are you a somewhat masculine woman?” the man asked.

“Ay caramba!” she said, “I thought by now our society had become civilized enough that this wouldn’t still be an issue. I’m so tired of being asked endless questions about what it means to be transgender.”

“I’m so sorry, sir…or, um, ma’am,” the man said. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“No problem, sweetie,” she said. “Let’s kiss and make up.”

Written for these daily prompts from yesterday, which I didn’t have time to get to until now: Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (authentic), Ragtag Daily Prompt (acerbic), Nova’s Daily Random Word (transgender), The Daily Spur (explanation), Daily Addictions (grin), Your Daily Word Prompt (civilize), and Word of the Day Challenge (endless). Photo credit: Pinterest.

The Grass Is Greener

C8988ECC-804A-45E6-8D93-C565382929DA“I really wish you wouldn’t pin all of your hopes on finding some great new job,” Alex’s wife told him.

“Gail, you know how unhappy I’ve been at work,” Alex said.

“Yes, you’ve been quite overt complaining about how much you hate your job,” Gail said. “So vocal, in fact, that I’m surprised that you haven’t been fired yet.”

“And that’s precisely why I contacted the headhunter,” Alex said. “All I want to do is examine all of my options and improve my odds of finding a new and better job.”

“You’ve got almost seven years at the firm, Alex,” Gail said. “Are you sure it makes sense to go to a different place where you’ll be a newbie?”

“Don’t worry, Gail,” Alex said, “I’m a big believer in that old saying about the grass being greener on the other side of the fence.”

“That might be great if you were a gardener, Alex,” Gail said. “But you’re a lawyer, for crissake.”

Written for these daily prompts: Word of the Day Challenge (wish), Daily Addictions (pin), The Daily Spur (hope), Nova’s Daily Random Word (overt), Your Daily Word Prompt (improve), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (newbie), and Ragtag Daily Prompt (Grass).

The Antique Show

D7A1C7F2-DDAE-4E2A-AA73-2E24F03AC833Lady,” the man said, “do you have a permit to set up this booth?”

“A permit?” the woman said. “I set up this booth every year at this antique show and I’ve never needed a permit before.”

“Well, ma’am,” the man said, “there’s a new head of the Park Authority and permits are now required for booths to be set up at the fairgrounds.”

“Why am I just hearing about this now?” she asked.

“The Park Authority transmitted a notice to the show’s organizers two months ago,” he said. “You needed to complete the application and submit it with your $200 fee two weeks ago.”

The woman started crying. “This is just some more of my bad karma,” she sobbed. “I tried so hard to make my booth attractive and spacious and now you’re telling me I have to take it down. I make nearly half of my annual income at this antique show. Does your boss want me to end up on welfare?”

Feeling sorry for the woman, the man said, “Let me talk to my boss. Maybe we can give you an exemption for this year’s show.”

“Oh thank you so much,” the woman said, reaching out and shaking the man’s hand. As he walked away, she thought to herself, “What a sucker!”

Written for these daily prompts: Word of the Day Challenge (lady), The Daily Spur (permit), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (authority), Nova’s Daily Random Word (transmitted), Your Daily Word Prompt (karma), Ragtag Daily Prompt (spacious), and Daily Addictions (take).

Stick to Your Knitting

5D9B98F6-E8D8-41F7-80B4-239B624ED153Vivian sat quietly knitting a sweater for her grandson in the corner of the activity room of the home for seniors.

Charlene, a member of the facility’s senior care team, walked up to Vivian and reminded her that they were about to start the bingo game. “Keep your voice down,” Vivian whispered. “Are you trying to wake up the dead, you little sprig? I’m not deaf, you know.”

Charlene lowered her voice. “I was just trying to see if I could get you to be sociable with your friends here in the home. You’ve been very standoffish lately, Vivian.”

“We’ve been down this road before, Charlene,” Vivian said. “I have no friends here and I have no interest in being sociable with any of those old fogies, most of whom already have one foot in the grave. I’d rather just sit in my corner being inconspicuous. What I really need is one of those Potter kid’s cloak of invisibility.”

“Why must you always be such an obstinate bitch, Vivian?” Charlene asked.

“Charlene,” Vivian said, “being an obstinate bitch is the only reason I’m still alive at almost ninety.”

“Fine, Vivian,” Charlene said, throwing her arms into the air, “I tried. Just sit here by yourself and stick to your knitting if that’s all you want to do.”

Written for these daily prompts: Word of the Day Challenge (knit), Ragtag Daily Prompt (wake), Daily Addictions (up), Nova’s Daily Random Word (sprig), The Daily Spur (road), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (inconspicuous), and Your Daily Word Prompt (obstinate).

A Different Perspective

D0EB88C1-6679-421B-AF1C-E398CF6DDC28“Oh my God,” Suzanne said, “don’t you think you have enough coats of lacquer on that bench?”

Brad looked up at his daughter and said, “One more layer should do it.”

Suzanne let out a little giggle. “You always tend to go overboard on these DIY projects of yours, Dad.”

“Someday you’ll find, Suzanne,” Brad said, “that the ideal approach to successfully completing any project, whether for your job, your home, or your life, is to have the gumption to do it the right way.”

“Dad,” Suzanne said, “my generation has a different perspective. We believe in going with the flow, you know what I mean? You need to be more pliable, to roll with the punches, to chill.”

“But, Suzanne,” Brad said.

“But nothing, Dad,” Suzanne said. “Here, take a toke of my doobie and try to chillax.”

Written for these daily prompts: Nova’s Daily Random Word (lacquer), Fandango’s One-word Challenge (layer), Word of the Day Challenge (giggle),  Daily Addictions (find), The Daily Spur (ideal), Ragtag Daily Prompt (gumption), and Your Daily Word Prompt (pliable).