SoCS — A Hairy Problem

B108F097-1E42-497E-BFE0-E9AA1242445EThis week Linda G. Hill challenged us, in her Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt, to use “hairy” in our posts.

Alrighty then. It’s time to tell you something about me that you might not already know. I’ve got a hairy problem. And by “hairy,” I don’t mean alarming, difficult, risky, or perilous. And by “problem,” I don’t mean an unpleasant challenge that must be dealt with.

My hairy problem has to do with body hair, as in too much on some parts of my body and not enough on others. My legs and arms are not particularly hairy. And while I have a mustache and beard, the top of my head is not hairy at all. Well, as they say, grass doesn’t grow on a busy street.

But what is hairy are my back, my shoulders, my chest, and my, well, nether region. For the longest time I thought all that hair was a sign of my great masculinity and I was proud of it. But then I heard about “manscaping,” and as I wrote in THIS POST, I learned that “nobody likes a hairy back and shoulders.” Yes, it’s true. A lot of people apparently find that men with hairy backs and shoulders are gross or perhaps a bit too Neanderthal.

Fortunately for me, though, my manfur doesn’t seem to bother my wife at all. And I’ve reached the age where I couldn’t give a crap what other people think.

In other words, I am dealing quite well with my hairy problem, thank you very much. (And before you ask, no, that’s not my back in the picture at the top of this post.)

Share Your World — Body Hair, Dealbreakers, Donald Trump

SYWIt’s Share Your World Monday again and Melanie never fails to come up with interesting questions to ask us.

If your five year old self woke up in your current body, what would happen, what would you say?

Whoa, dude. What the hell happened to you? No hair on the top of your head, a gray beard on your chinny-chin-chin, and all that body hair. Haven’t you ever heard of manscaping?

What is a relationship deal breaker for you?  Whether you are talking about a romantic one, a friendship, or a related to sort of relationship?

Cigarette smoking, drinking too much, far right conservative ideology, lack of good hygiene, lack of a sense of humor, lack of intelligence. Shall I go on?

Is there something out there, a thought, an idea, a current event, or a fear that you find deeply unsettling?

Donald Trump and all of the sycophants who have latched on to him.

If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family assume you had done?

Cheated on my taxes? Promoted the overthrow of Donald Trump?

What were you grateful for this week?  Something that brought some joy into your world?

All the people who read my blog and like and comment on my posts.

Manscaping

unshaved man with foamMy wife asked me the other day if I’d ever heard the term “manscaping.”

Uh oh, I thought. This is surely a set up question. It’s a “Honey, do you think I look fat in these jeans?” kind of question. If I say “no,” she’ll accuse me of being dishonest and of patronizing her. If I say “yes,”…well, I don’t even want to think about that.

I thought for a moment about the word in question and figured it had something to do with lawn care. Then I thought perhaps this was a lead in to being taken to task for paying a landscaping company to do that sort of stuff instead of saving us money and doing it myself.

I still wasn’t sure what it meant, so I asked her to ’splain it to me. “You know how women often trim their pubic hair, get a ‘bikini’ or a ‘Brazilian’ trim,” she explained. “Well, manscaping is when men shave or trim their body hair.”

“You mean down there?” I asked, pointing toward my groin while moving my legs tightly together in a crotch-protecting stance. “Why would a guy do that to himself?” The word “ouch” came to mind.

My wife patiently explained that men might engage in manscaping for the same reason that women shave their arm pits, their legs, and shave or trim their pubic hair. It’s cleaner, it’s smoother, it’s sexier.

I’m a relatively hairy guy. I have thick, flowing hair covering much of my body. Except, of course, on the top of my head, which is the only place I would actually want to have thick, flowing hair.

When I was in late adolescence and young adulthood, I couldn’t wait for my chest hair to grow. Back then, a hairy chest was considered manly, masculine, and a sign of virility. By the time I was in my mid-twenties, I had acquired a thick, fur-like covering of chest hair. My back and shoulders were also nearly as hairy as my chest. And I was blessed (or some might think cursed) with a thick patch of the short-curlies “down there.”

I hadn’t given much thought to my abundant body hair until my wife asked me about manscaping. I was content with, and maybe even a little proud of, my man-fur. It simply never occurred to me that some might think it gross or perhaps a bit too Neanderthal.

I Googled “manscaping” to see what it’s all about and was surprised to find more than five million hits. I came across an article in The Daily Beast with the dubious headline, Why ‘Manscaping’ Isn’t Just for Porn Stars Anymore.

It seems that male deforestation is gaining in popularity and is moving into the mainstream of men’s grooming habits. There’s even a term for the male equivalent of the Brazilian female trim, the article noted. It’s called the “Boyzilian.” Cute, eh?

Not so cute, though, was when the same article mentioned that some guys regularly get their butt cracks waxed. Hey, that’s TMI.

Manscaping has become a big business. One site suggested that “keeping a neatly trimmed chest, back, shoulders…and more…will make you appear cleaner and send the message that you care about grooming.” I did not know that.

And I was shocked when I read in that same article that “nobody likes a hairy back and shoulders.” Omigod, nobody likes me!

It’s not as if I needed yet another reason to shun being seen in public in a bathing suit. Now I’ve got to be concerned about causing people to puke when they see my disgustingly hairy back and gross hairy shoulders that nobody likes!

Well, it is what it is. I am not going to succumb to this ludicrous manscaping trend. I’m announcing here and now that there is no way any hair removal wax, razor, or shaver is going to get anywhere near my body below my neck. I may be hairier than the average bear, but it’s who I am.

But wait. Could my wife have been giving me a not so subtle hint that I need to step up my grooming a notch? Hmm.