Bought the Farm

310b6e79-a568-4b68-87e5-2285a810b3b4.jpeg“Momma, why are we here in church today?” Ruth asked. “It’s not Sunday.”

“I know, sweetie,” Donna said, pulling a tissue out of her purse. “Honey, can you please take that bubblegum out of your mouth and put it in this tissue? You shouldn’t chew gum in church.”

“But why are we here in the middle of the week?” Ruth asked again.

“Because your Uncle Benny bought the farm, sweetie,” Donna said.

“Uncle Benny bought a farm,” Ruth squealed. “Can we go?”

“Shh,” Donna said, “we’re in church. ‘Bought the farm’ is an expression, sweetie. It means Uncle Benny died.”

Disappointed, Ruth looked at her mother. “Why didn’t you just say that he died?”

“I shouldn’t have used that idiom, Ruth,” her mother said. “I think it was originally an English expression that means died, but it was irreverent of me to use it in church.”

“So how did Uncle Benny die?” Ruth asked.

“Well, Aunt Mabel said he lost his footing while he was off doing some mountain climbing,” Donna said. “But Uncle Benny was a lush and a liar and it wouldn’t surprise me if he fell off of a bar stool at the local pub.”

Ruth started to giggle uncontrollably until she saw the dirty look the pastor was giving her.

“Let us kneel and pay to God Almighty,” the pastor said in a booming voice, “and ask to be forgiven for our sins and trespasses as we remember with fondness our dearly departed friend, Ben Flannigan, who was the victim of a freak accident.”

Donna grabbed Ruth’s hand as each tried hard to not crack up laughing.


Written for today’s Three Things Challenge from Paula Light, where the three things are “liar,” “bubblegum,” and “mountain.” Also for these daily prompts: Ragtag Daily Prompt (farm), Your Daily Word Prompt (original), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (kneel), and Word of the Day Challenge (almighty).

One-Liner Thursday — Mazie Barr the Door

90A0CA11-BB85-44ED-AAF4-6D04FE62BE84I know that I usually post one-line quotes on Wednesday in response to Linda G. Hill’s One-Liner Wednesday prompt. But yesterday, at the televised Senate Judiciary Committee hearing involving Attorney General (and Trump ass-kisser William Barr), Democratic Senator from Hawaii, Mazie Hirono, said this to Barr:

“Mr. Barr, now the American people know you’re no different than Rudy Giuliani or Kellyanne Conway or any of the other people who sacrificed their once-decent reputations for the grifter and liar who sits in the Oval Office.”

Oh Mazie, you go, girl!

But she didn’t stop there. She went on to say:

“But now we know more about your deep involvement and trying to cover up for Donald Trump. Being attorney general of the United States is a sacred trust. You have betrayed that trust. America deserves better. You should resign.”

Oh snap!

Unfortunately, the President believes that he is a dictator who is above the law and who can do whatever he wants to do — legal, ethical, moral, or otherwise. And the Attorney General of the United States, along with the Republicans in Congress, are his enablers. Barr isn’t going to resign, Republicans are not going to suddenly develop spines and scruples, and Trump isn’t going away anytime soon.

Sad.

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

28F10CCB-029F-4AC1-91E1-9F961EEDA5C5Rather than attending the annual White House Correspondents Dinner last night like all normal presidents do, Donald Trump did what he loves to do best. He held a rally in front of thousands of adoring assholes fans in Wisconsin. At that rally, Trump spoke for about an hour and a half and talked mostly about his favorite subject: Donald Trump. He also did what he loves to do and does really well: lied.

But of all the lies he told at the rally, his biggest, most outrageous lie of the night, in my humble opinion, was when he falsely claimed that babies in Wisconsin can be “executed” (his word) because Wisconsin’s Democratic governor said he would veto a bill that would require doctors to provide medical care to babies born alive after a failed abortion attempt or face a large fine or/and imprisonment.

“But your Democrat governor here in Wisconsin, shockingly, stated that he will veto legislation that protects Wisconsin babies born alive,” Trump said. “The baby is born, the mother meets with the doctor, they take care of the baby, they wrap the baby beautifully, and then the doctor and the mother determine whether or not they will execute the baby.”

Trump’s claim that mothers and doctors are permitted to execute a baby after it leaves the womb is total bullshit. The bill he is referring to would mandate that health professionals do all they can to keep a baby alive if it was “born alive” and would penalize anyone who lets a baby die.

But since when does Donald Fucking Trump ever let facts or truth get in the way of a good, self-serving lie?

He’s truly despicable.

Rory’s Making a Liar Out of Me

24CB1662-3D24-41B9-BCCE-DC7508017447Damn you, Rory. I just posted yesterday and again earlier today that I was going to stop answering questions from bloggers who received blog award nominations who then nominated me. But then, sure enough, Rory got nominated for the Mystery Blogger Award, tagged me, and asked five questions.

And, seriously, who can resist the allure of A Guy Called Bloke? So, here we go.

Tick or Tock, which is best that describes your personality and why?

Hmm. Well, Tick always comes before Tock, right? That means someone who is a Tick is a leader, while someone who is a Tock is a follower. I know myself well enough to admit that I’m more of a Tock than a Tick.

With regards Passion Fashion and Fabric which is your go to for 199% comfort – Rubber, Silk, Canvas, Pollycotton, Linen, Jersey, Crepe, Lycra, Lace, Velvet, or simply all bare – and why?

For 199% comfort? Rory, Rory, Rory. Not to pick nits, but you can’t exceed 100%. Of that I am 110% positive. With that out of the way, there’s nothing more comfortable for “passion fashion” than simply bare. (Although for “sleep fashion,” I’m all about a cotton T-shirt and sweatpants.)

What is the routine you undertake each day when you log into WordPress before you start to create a post?

I check my stats, read and respond to comments, and read and comment on some of the posts in my Reader that the bloggers I follow have posted.

What is your best time of the day – night, morning, afternoon, dusk or dawn and why, what makes it special for you?

I wake up pretty early each day, so the time between my first cup of coffee and when I start hitting the mid afternoon drag, is my best time. That’s also when I’m most production the blog, although I often compose and schedule a post for early the next morning right before I go to sleep each night.

What is an ideal Christmas day for you and your family if relevant?

Usually it’s a family get together that winds up with all of us going to see a movie that we can all agree on, which can be a challenge, and then out to dinner at whatever restaurant we can find that is open on Christmas night, which is most often a Chinese restaurant.

No nominations from me, but if anyone wants to take a shot at answering Rory’s questions, I don’t think he’ll mind.

One-Liner Wednesday — A Politician

D01382C2-1831-4530-B640-4F21616608B5

“I’m a politician, which means I’m a cheat and a liar, and when I’m not kissing babies I’m stealing their lollipops.”

A line from the movie “Hunt for Red October”

Donald Trump claims that he’s not a politician, but he is most definitely a liar and a cheater. And as to babies, more than stealing their lollipops, he’s stealing their parents and deporting them, leaving the babies to be locked up in cages and making them virtual orphans.

I’d rather he steal the babies’ lollipops.


Written for Linda G. Hill’s One-Liner Wednesday.