Pirate Booty

E5E4ACC0-5103-4A30-9FAD-93CD28FD83A1“Aargh, matey,” Roger said. “The wench is cold as an iceberg. I need my booty but I can’t get her to put out.”

“Are you taking about Molly?” Dean asked.

“Aye,” Roger said. “If things don’t change, I’m going to have to toss her overboard.”

“Have you ever considered that it might be because you’ve taken this whole pirate motif a bit too far?” Dean said.

“Shiver me timbers, that’s mutinous words, matey,” Roger snapped. “Do you want to walk the plank?”

“Listen, dude,” Dean said. “I know your band is called Captain Hook and the Jolly Rogers. You have a Jolly Roger decal on the back of your guitar and you dress up like Captain Cook when you and the band perform.”

“Aye,” Roger said. “So your point is what?”

“Well,” Dean said, “is it really necessary for you to stay in character even when you’re not performing? The tricorn hat, the bandana, the eye patch, the fake hook on your hand, the rubber cutlass and scabbard, the black boots. It’s too much, Roger.

“Avast swabby,” Roger said. “It’s who I am.”

“No, Roger, you’re an accountant who plays in a band on weekends at a local dive bar,” Dean said. “You’re a freak and I’m surprised Molly even gave you the time of day, much less went out on a date with you.”

“Ahoy, buccaneer,” Roger said. “You need to batten down the hatches or I’ll set you adrift and turn you into shark bait.”

“I give up,” Dean said, throwing both of his hands into the air. “Good luck with Molly.”

Writtne for today’s Three Things Challenge from Teresa. The words are Jolly Roger, guitar, and iceberg.

#FOWC — Control Freak

8F422D1E-6B5A-41B3-BAFD-0C8C3D8158CC“It’s freezing in here,” Deirdre complained. “No way I’m taking off my clothes and hopping into bed with you. Don’t you have a heater for this room?”

“I’ll turn up the heat on the furnace,” Sammy said. “It will warm up the room in a few minutes. So why don’t you get in bed and make yourself comfortable, if you know what I mean.”

Deirdre smiled, did a little sensuous striptease, and slipped under the covers. Sammy left to turn the furnace up and when he came back into the room, he peeled off his close and joined Deirdre under the covers. He began caressing her body when he heard her scream. “Jesus Christ! You just scratched the hell outta my tit with that goddam fingernail of yours. You need to clip that thing.”

“You know I can’t do that, babe,” Sammy said. That’s my guitar plucking finger. I need to keep that fingernail long.”

“Can’t you use a pick instead of having that freakishly long nail?”

“No, I can’t,” Sammy responded. “You need to stop being such a snowflake.”

“And you need to stop being such a control freak,” Deirdre said as she got out of bed, got dressed, and left Sammy’s apartment.

Written for Teresa’s Three Things Challenge, where the words are “snowflake,” “heater,” and “fingernail.” Also written for my very own One-Word Challenge where the word is “control.”