Hammering Things Out at the Grocery Store

51A57B8E-DD57-408A-9992-3287615F2DB3George walked into the grocery store, pulled out a hammer from his belt, and started banging it against the base of the frozen food unit. An older woman with her hair in a single braid, ran over to where the man was hammering. “You can’t do that here!” she yelled.

“You don’t understand,” George protested. “I was here last night and noticed that this cooling unit is not functioning properly. As a result, the foods contained in it are going through a slow thaw. As a gourmand, a man who appreciates fine food, it breaks my heart to see all of these exquisite frozen goodies melting.”

“I have a guy I can call to take a look at the unit. I don’t want some customer coming into my store and taking a hammer to my freezer, so please stop,” the woman with the braid said.

“But when I lived in Canada, I worked for a refrigeration company and repaired units like this all the time,” George said.

“It will be a cloudy day in paradise before I let some random dude come in here in the guise of a refrigeration repairman and take a hammer to my freezer unit,” the woman said. “You’re crazy. Now get the hell out of my store before I call the cops.

“Suit yourself,” George said. He stood up, lifted his hammer into the air, and brought it down on the head of the woman with the braid. “You just shoulda let me fix it,” George said, looking down at her body.

Written for Paula Light’s Three Things Challenge, where the three things are “hammer,” “braid,” and “Canada.”

Also for The Haunted Wordsmith Prompt A (grocery store setting) & B (the sentence “You can’t do that here!”).

And for these daily prompts: Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (base), The Daily Spur (slow), Ragtag Daily Prompt (gourmand), Word of the Day Challenge (cloudy), Your Daily Word Prompt (guise), and Swimmers (now).

The [Food] Court of the Queen of Questions

Teresa, The Hidden Wordsmith and the Queen of Questions, wants to know a little about our grocery shopping habits and our dietary preferences. Well, since they say that you are what you eat, here’s everything you need to know about me.

  1. What is your favorite chocolate dessert? My wife makes this great chocolate mousse cake. It’s to die for.55a85a3c-7091-4441-b933-c2566ce47c0d

  2. Where do you go first in the grocery store? The fruits and veggies aisles. It’s the first thing you come to when you walk through the door.

  3. You win three minutes of free shopping in the grocery store with an empty cart…what do you fill it with? Groceries, duh!

  4. What is your favorite fruit and how do you like to eat it? Bananas sliced and tossed into a bowl of cold cereal.fecd43b3-e4d9-419b-955e-d085f2c1ae92

  5. You go to a magic cafe where plates fill with whatever you request…what do you get? Magic spells?

  6. How do you like your fish? Filleted and sautéed.

  7. Do you eat jello (what is your favorite flavor)? Not since Bill Cosby was arrested.414a8d43-0acf-4d07-8812-d5d1b57be3d4

  8. What is the most, ahem, “adult” food you can think of? Prunes?

  9. What food do you eat that might put you in the “old” age? Prunes?

  10. Mall food courts…yes, no, where do you eat? I can’t remember the last time I went to a mall, much less ate at a mall food court.

In Other Words — Shopping

4D665479-6077-43F0-9E8F-0C038A45F228I can’t remember the last time I was in a department store.

Or a clothing store, a shoe store, a hardware store, a furniture store, a book store, a jewelry store, a toy store.

Because I do all of my shopping online.

Well, except for groceries.

I do my grocery shopping at a grocery store.

In other wordsThis post was written for the In Other Words prompt from Patricia’s Place. The challenge this week is to write a story or poem of five lines or fewer using the word “shopping.”

It’s Back! Maybe

I am so happy! You may recall that exactly two months ago today, I wrote a rather whiny post in which I lamented the apparent disappearance of my favorite breakfast cereal, Total, from the cereal aisle at all of my local grocery stores. I was devastated and was forced to go on an exhaustive search for a replacement breakfast cereal.

And you may also recall a post I wrote about two weeks later in which I announced that I had rediscovered Wheaties, which, while not my beloved Total, could serve as a suitable substitute. Still, I missed Total.

Well, guess what? I went to my local grocery store today and look what I saw staring back at me in the cereal aisle.C776F35A-ADCE-40E6-961E-8EF6962BAE0BI was so excited that I bought four boxes. Four! You know, just in case this was a mistake and they won’t restock Total once this batch is sold out.

Here We Go Again

I’m a breakfast cereal kind of a guy. Most mornings I fill my bowl with dry cereal, add some raisins, some blueberries, and a sliced banana. Then I pour milk over it all and, well, yum!

For many years my favorite cereal was Just Right. 74FAD78E-1176-4F8C-900E-7EC8ADDB4305It was a nutritious mix of crispy flakes of wheat, corn, and rice with raisins, dates, and almonds. But then I noticed that Just Right was getting harder and harder to find at the local grocery store. Until it just stopped showing up at all in the cereal aisles at any of my local food emporiums.

It turned out that Kellogg’s, that venerable purveyor of breakfast foods, particularly cold cereals, decided a number of years back (2007) to no longer manufacture and sell Just Right. What?!?

So then, after exhaustively searching for a replacement for my beloved Just Right, I finally found a new cold cereal, this time from that other purveyor of cereals, General Mills. This cereal, Total, became my new breakfast favorite.FB956754-2D25-4A59-A241-9FB81BB4F700Total has “all the wholesome goodness and nutty flavor of 100 percent whole grain wheat flakes with 100 percent of the Daily value of 12 vitamins and minerals you will need all day long.”

But lo and behold, Total has been totally missing from the grocery shelves for the past few weeks. I went to the General Mills website and Total still shows up there. But when I went to the Amazon, Wal-Mart, and Target websites, they all listed Total as either “not available” or “out of stock.” One website did have a box of Total available, but the price was $20 plus shipping. Fuhgedabouddit.

So here we go again, in search of a new breakfast cereal.