The Funeral

I find it ironic, now that death has overtaken him, that everyone is gushing about him at his funeral. Laurels are being heaped upon him as if he were some kind of saint. They’re all saying that he seemed to possess and share with those around him a feeling of eternal bliss, almost as if he were some kind of biblical character.

But what none of the others realizes is that the man was totally berserk.


Written for these daily prompts: The Daily Spur (death), Word of the Day Challenge (gush), Your Daily Word prompt (laurels), Ragtag Daily Prompt (bliss), MMA Storytime (biblical), and Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (berserk).

Friday Fictioneers — Priority Mail

Mildred was beside herself. “The funeral is at noon today,” she said. “What are we going to do if his ashes don’t arrive in time?”

“We can still have the service, Mom,” Steve said.

“No, we can’t have a funeral service without the remains of the deceased,” Mildred said. “The crematorium said they sent them via priority mail. Go to the post office and find out where they are.”

Steve dutifully drove to the post office and, after a few minutes, called his mother. “I got them. His remains were in what the call the ‘dead letter bin,’ ironically.”

(99 words)


Written for Rochelle Wisoff-Fields’ Friday Fictioneers prompt. Photo Credit: Ted Strutz.

Darkest Before the Dawn

005B8EDB-444B-4523-AA00-914665BEAD7A“It’s always darkest before the dawn,” George said.

“What does that have to do with the price of eggs?” Doris asked her husband.

“Well, I’m just saying that we have your aunt’s funeral later today and I know how much she meant to you,” George responded. “So I just wanted to say some encouraging words to make you feel better.”

“By throwing out a meaningless platitude? Really, George?” Doris said.

“Never mind. Did you remember to pick up my suit from the cleaners?” George asked. “Plus your black funeral dress?”

“I did, but I’m not going to wear that boring black dress,” Doris said. “I’m going to wear that green, shimmery dress. It’s so much more chic.”

That’s rather bold of you, don’t you think? This isn’t a party, you know, it’s a funeral,” George said. “Wearing a party dress to a funeral would be adding insult to injury.”

“Yet another platitude, George? Well, I’m wearing that green dress nonetheless,” Doris said. “I’m sick of going to funerals, so let’s show up and split early and you can take me dancing at the club, where we can dance until dawn.”


Written for today’s Three Things Challenge from Di at Pensitivity101, where the three things are “bold,” “split,” and “party.” Also for these daily prompts: Ragtag Daily Prompt (dawn), Your Daily Word Prompt (platitude), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (suit), Daily Addictions (plus), Word of the Day Challenge (chic), and The Daily Spur (injury).

Tale Weaver — Barely a Ripple

D844DD7F-CDE2-46A0-908B-B3E025A11849He was born
He went to school
He graduated
He got a job
He got married
He had kids
He worked hard for 45 years
He retired
He died
It should come as no surprise
That when he was alive
His life barely made a ripple


Written for the Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie Tale Weaver prompt, where the topic to consider is the notion of eulogy.

Bought the Farm

310b6e79-a568-4b68-87e5-2285a810b3b4.jpeg“Momma, why are we here in church today?” Ruth asked. “It’s not Sunday.”

“I know, sweetie,” Donna said, pulling a tissue out of her purse. “Honey, can you please take that bubblegum out of your mouth and put it in this tissue? You shouldn’t chew gum in church.”

“But why are we here in the middle of the week?” Ruth asked again.

“Because your Uncle Benny bought the farm, sweetie,” Donna said.

“Uncle Benny bought a farm,” Ruth squealed. “Can we go?”

“Shh,” Donna said, “we’re in church. ‘Bought the farm’ is an expression, sweetie. It means Uncle Benny died.”

Disappointed, Ruth looked at her mother. “Why didn’t you just say that he died?”

“I shouldn’t have used that idiom, Ruth,” her mother said. “I think it was originally an English expression that means died, but it was irreverent of me to use it in church.”

“So how did Uncle Benny die?” Ruth asked.

“Well, Aunt Mabel said he lost his footing while he was off doing some mountain climbing,” Donna said. “But Uncle Benny was a lush and a liar and it wouldn’t surprise me if he fell off of a bar stool at the local pub.”

Ruth started to giggle uncontrollably until she saw the dirty look the pastor was giving her.

“Let us kneel and pay to God Almighty,” the pastor said in a booming voice, “and ask to be forgiven for our sins and trespasses as we remember with fondness our dearly departed friend, Ben Flannigan, who was the victim of a freak accident.”

Donna grabbed Ruth’s hand as each tried hard to not crack up laughing.


Written for today’s Three Things Challenge from Paula Light, where the three things are “liar,” “bubblegum,” and “mountain.” Also for these daily prompts: Ragtag Daily Prompt (farm), Your Daily Word Prompt (original), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (kneel), and Word of the Day Challenge (almighty).