Rory, A Guy Called Bloke, is now switching from fashion to food and is posing a bunch of questions about food, glorious food.

Just as I’m not a fashionista, neither am I a gourmet. But when has not being an aficionado on any particular topic stopped me from pretending to be one? So here goes.

What is the best recipe containing whipped cream, strawberries, and lashings of chocolate?

It’s called “Strawberry Delight.” You take a handful of fresh, organic strawberries, drop them into a large bowl of freshly whipped heavy cream, top it all with a generous amount of chocolate sprinkles, and then spread it all over your naked lover’s body and have at it.

How many different colors of food can you think of on the top of your head without Googling the answers?

Red, yellow, green, orange, purple, brown, tan, pink, and white.

I am [a/an] ____________Chef?

• Really bad, practically hopeless
• Not Bad, but awfully clumsy
• About average ‘toast is a meal, right’
• Above average, at least I don’t burn toast
• Pretty damn good if I say so myself
• Hot Kitchen Supremo and can master any dish blinfolded, with both arms tied behind my back and my feet in concrete boots

What is the one dish that no matter how hard you try you simply cannot master?

Omelettes. They always break on me when I go to flip them and end up like poorly made scrambled eggs.

In your wise opinion, what are five main ingredients that could feed a family for a week with an assortments of recipes?

Rice, pasta, chicken, ground meat, and ice cream.

Wine only meant for the drinking or the cooking?

Either and both.

What are three brilliant food quotes?

Have you eaten any of the following?

Snails, frogs legs, fugu, eyeballs, crispy tarantulas, squid, chocolate covered ants, jellied moose nose, huitlacoche, airag, Casu marzu, Century egg, Stargazey Pie, ostrich egg, alligator, locusts, and if none of those what then is the weirdest food you have ever consumed and lived to write about it now?

What is umami?

An Islamic religious leader.

What color is the French wine Beaujolais?

Red.

What is a great musical track that always makes you think of food?

From which cactus is tequila made?

This is a trick question. Tequila comes from blue agave, which is not a cacti.

Why on earth is blue cheese blue and red cheese red, how so?

Blue cheese ripens from mold and as the mold spores are introduced into milk at the beginning stages of cheesemaking, it is blue. As far as red cheese, I’ve never seen or even heard of red cheese, so I have no clue.

What is a pisang when it is at home with the family?

I don’t know what “pisang” is, but I hope that when at home with the family, whatever it is, it’s only done in the bathroom.

What is it about baked beans, why do they make you fart and why does asparagus make your pee smell, well…odd?

Because they’re hard to digest? Or maybe just to irritate your friends and family at a weekend cookout.

Okay, Pita, when not meaning ‘Pain in the ass,’ what does this Greek word really mean?

It’s the name of a type of wheat-based flatbread.

Who loves Ben & Jerry ice cream? I am pretty sure I know of at least three of my readership who love this brand, so there should be no reason not to know the answer to this question? Which one of the following is NOT one of their recipes?

Birthday Cake/BM’s One Love/Civet Coffeecrumbles/Half Baked/Caramel Chew Chew

I loves me my Ben & Jerry’s Stephen Colbert’s Americone Dream ice cream. Now as to those flavors you listed, I think the ONLY one that is actually a Ben & Jerry’s favor is Half Baked.

What is Seitan when it is not terrorizing the neighborhood and what is Lupin if not a cousin of the werewolf?

No idea on either.

Of the following which is are the fermented food stuffs?

Sauerkraut/Kefir/Kombucha/Matcha 

I think they all are.

Why does fish smell so fishy and so very fishy at that?

Because it’s fish. Duh! What else is it supposed to smell like?