JusJoJan — Flue Season

8cd89527-9257-4dd3-8618-0e1c19ed28f4“Barry just flew in from the west coast,” Nancy told her mother on the phone, “and he has the flu.”

“Oh that’s awful,” Nancy’s mother said. “Well it is flu season. Does he have a fever?”

“Yes, and a sore throat and the chills too,” Nancy said. “I’m going to give him a cup of hot Theraflu with some honey in it to drink. Then I’m going to wrap him with a blanket and sit with him, the poor man, in front of the fire.”

“Don’t forget to open the flue, dear,” her mother said. “Do you remember when you father, rest his soul, almost burned down the house because he started a fire and forgot to open the flue?”

“Um, Mom,” Nancy said, “how many times do I have to tell you that we have a ventless gas fireplace? There is no flue.”

Written for today’s Just Jot It January prompt from Linda G. Hill. Today’s prompt words are “flew/flu/flue” and were suggested by M. Oniker over at WTF Am I On About Now? Click here to find her most recent post.

Forget Flu Shots, Christians

Texas minister Gloria Copeland, who sat on the Trump campaign’s evangelical executive advisory board, claimed in a Facebook video that there is no severe flu outbreak in the United States. Well, at least if your Christian.

This religious wacko said, “Jesus himself is our flu shot. He redeemed us from the curse of the flu.”

As if that wasn’t crazy enough, she advised that when someone suggests that you get a glue shot because “everyone is getting the flu,” just tell those non-believers that, “We’ve already had our shot: He bore our sicknesses and carried our diseases. That’s what we stand on. And by his stripes we are healed.”

And in the event you somehow did come down with the flu, all you have to do is recite, “Flu, I bind you off of the people in the name of Jesus,” and you’ll be feeling fine in no time at all.

Yet, despite Jesus’ efforts on our behalf, this year’s flu season is among the worst in recent history. According to the CDC last Friday, flu-related hospitalizations were the highest since the agency began tracking that statistic in 2010. Agency officials said the death toll among children has risen to 53 so far.

I wonder how many of those who died or have come down with the flu are Christians. If they are, they must not have thanked Jesus enough for fluing for their sins.