Time To Write — All in the Family

F49C8E6E-A29A-4938-84E3-BDE895E4855D“Welcome to the family,” the woman said upon opening the front door.

Dan was both confused and dazzled. The woman was radiant. He had never seen, in real life, anyway, a woman of such dazzling beauty. Dan took a deep breath and simply said, “I’m from UPS with a package for Arturo Bianchi.”

“Yes,” the woman said. “We’ve been expecting you, Daniel. Please come in.” She stepped aside and waved him through the door.

“How do you know my name?” he asked as he stepped inside the large foyer.

The woman took the package from Dan. “As I said, we’ve been expecting you.” Once he was inside, she closed the front door behind him.

Dan took out the little electronic device, about the size of a smartphone, from his belt holster and held it out to the woman. “You need to sign this,” he said, holding the device out toward her and handing her a stylus.

“That won’t be necessary, Daniel,” she said,  grabbing his hand and leading him into large room at the center of which was sitting a heavyset older man with a shaved head. “This is Arturo, my husband,” the woman said.

Arturo got up from his chair, moved over to Dan until he was standing right in front of him. Arturo stood on his tiptoes, placed both of his hands on Dan’s shoulders, leaned in and kissed him on each cheek, and said, “Welcome to the family, Daniel.”

Dan stood back and said, “There must be some misunderstanding. I’m from UPS and I am here to deliver a package.”

“Ah, Daniel,” Arturo said, “There’s no misunderstanding. You are the package.”

Dan looked at the woman, who was smiling at him in a very sexy way, or so it seemed to him. Then he looked at Arturo. How could this short, fat, bald man who was at least three times her age be the husband of this young, strikingly gorgeous, statuesque woman, he wondered. “What do you mean I’m the package?” Dan asked Arturo.

“Your supervisor, Angelo, has told us about your special skills, Daniel,” Arturo said. “He said that you are a problem solver. That you know how to deal with people. That you can be very, shall we say, persuasive.”

Dan was a big guy, standing around 6’4” and weighing in at 225 pounds. Arturo reached over and squeezed Dan’s bicep and smiled. “You’ll do just fine in our family, my boy,” he said.

“Do just fine doing what?” Daniel asked.

The woman who greeted Dan at the door, came over to Dan, stood right in front of him, moved in close enough so that he could smell the subtle scent of her perfume. “My husband is getting older and he needs a bodyguard and an enforcer,” she said. “You’ll be very handsomely compensated and will have generous fringe benefits.”

“I don’t know,” Daniel said.

The woman moved in and pressed her body against Dan and, in a throaty whisper, said, “I’m one of the fringe benefits, Daniel.”

Dan looked over at Arturo, who looked back at Dan and smiled.

Written for Rachel Poli’s Time To Write – Sentence Starter prompt, where the sentence is “Welcome to the Family.” Also for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (radiant).

All About Family

E6EA258A-8877-46FB-BD33-ECA4B86C9D1FTeresa, otherwise known as The Haunted Wordsmith, or alternatively, the Queen of Questions, has asked a new series of questions about family on this Christmas Eve.

Here are her questions and my answers.

  1. Which fellow blogger do you consider the wise elder that you turn to for sage advice? At my advanced age, there are few bloggers who are my elders, but I often find pearls of sage wisdom from Marilyn Armstrong over at Serendipity.

  2. Which fellow blogger is the younger sibling that you want to mentor? I don’t really feel that it’s my role to mentor other bloggers, but I’ll be happy to answer any questions about blogging that any newer, younger bloggers might wish to ask me.

  3. What is one activity that your family used to do as a Christmas/winter tradition? We’d all get together for a Christmas Day brunch, then go out to a movie and to dinner at a restaurant that is open for dinner on Christmas night.

  4. Do you have a relative that is never invited, but always seems to show up at family events? Fortunately, no.

  5. What family activity do you wish people still practiced? Conversation without the TV on, smartphones in use, or arguments about politics.

  6. You can take your family anywhere in the world…where do you take them? To someplace sunny and warm.

  7. Do you value family or friends more? Yes.

  8. Is there a family member that you resemble more than your parents? No. I’m tall and everyone else in my family, including my parents and siblings, were short. My son, though, is tall and lean and resembles me.

  9. Are there any interesting ancestors in your family tree? None that I’m aware of.

  10. What is one thing that shocked you about your family tree? That my parents weren’t born where I thought they were born.

  11. How far back have you traced your family tree? Three. Before that things get kinda fuzzy.

  12. What are your family rules at games (like Monopoly, Uno, etc)? Everyone gangs up on Dad (me).

  13. What is your favorite story about families (or that has a family in it)? I don’t know. Swiss Family Robinson?

  14. What Christmas/winter tradition did you start as an adult? Playing board/card games at home on New Year’s Eve.

  15. What is your favorite commercial or tv episode that featured a family? I’ve really enjoyed the sitcom “Life in Pieces,” but it didn’t return this fall and it may have been canceled.

  16. Which TV family did you want to be a part of? I can honestly say that there has never been a TV family I would have wanted to be a part of in real life.

Share Your World — Books, Art, and Silly String

It’s already Monday and that means it’s time for Melanie’s Share Your World questions.

Name two books that have influenced you and share how.

This may sound strange coming from an atheist, but the first would be the Bible. Why? Because reading the Bible made me realize that it’s all a myth based upon fantastical tales written nearly 2,000 years ago by superstitious people who were trying to make sense of a world about which they lacked any real understanding.

Second, Tolkien’s trilogy “The Lord of the Rings” plus “The Hobbit.” Why? Because it totally transported me to a different time, place, and world. And because it’s as believable as the Bible.

In your opinion, where is the line between art and not art?

I find art in everything I see, so I suppose it’s all about perspective and perception.

Trivia for Halloween: What item is banned only during Halloween from 12am October 31st to 12pm November 1st in Hollywood California?   (I know the answer, but I do not have any idea WHY)..c’mon…hazard a guess!

I cheated. I Googled it:47095402-1AEC-4393-906F-5D1F9E949D28.jpegWhy? Because it’s sticky and slimy, is hard to clean up, is bad for the environment, and can be dangerous if you eat it.

What is something that really annoys you but doesn’t bother most people?

Most people.

Instead of our usual gratitude question, I’m posing this one for this week: What or who in your life brings you the most joy?

My family, including my dog and cat.

The Enemy of the American People

7302983A-52F7-4917-8C71-03B536117396“You’re such a snowman,” Howard said.

“A what?” Seth asked.

“A snowman,” Howard repeated. “You know, an anti-Trump, whiny libtard.”

“You mean a ‘snowflake,’” Seth corrected.

“Whatever,” Howard said. “You liberals, with all your bogus caring about those damn illegal families crossing the border, are destroying America. These criminals and rapists and MS-13 gang members are invading our county and if we don’t stop and arrest them and separate each kid from his family, they’re going to turn our country brown and everyone will be speaking Mexican and there will be a taco stand on every corner.”

“You sounds like a blithering idiot, Howard,” Seth said. “Where are you getting your information? Who’s filling your head with all that bullshit?”

“Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson on Fox News,” Howard answered. “That’s the only place to get real news. All the other networks are fake news with reporters who, as Trump says, are the enemy of the American people.”

Seth sighed deeply and shook his head in disbelief. “We are in deep shit,” he said, more to himself than to Howard.

Written for Teresa’s Three Things Challenge, where the three things are snowman, family, and caring.