Get the Hook

DE4F29E6-8D9D-4177-9B14-6703D2520D9AEric got up on the stage, grabbed the mic, and waited for the music to start. Then he began singing his own rendition of The Who’s “Going Mobile.”

It didn’t take long for the karaoke night audience, drunk and rowdy as usual, to start booing Eric’s performance. “You suck, dude, sit the fuck down!” one guy yelled. Another shouted, “Don’t quit your day job, buddy!” A third voice called out, “Get the hook!”

Frustrated, Eric stopped singing, dropped the mic, and made his way back to the table where his twin brother, Ed was sitting and nursing a mojito.

“Can you believe how rude these people are?” Eric said to his brother as he sat down and picked up his half-finished piña colada. “What a bunch of ungrateful boozers.”

“Well, I hate to throw even more shade your way, bro,” Ed said, “but you really did suck.”

Eric looked at his brother, shook his head, and said, “Well, at least I’m not too chicken to even give it a try.” Then Eric stood up, started flapping his arms like a chicken, and called out, “Cluck, cluck, cluck.”

At which point everyone at the karaoke joint also stood up and gave Eric a standing ovation.”

Written for today’s Three Things Challenge from Di at Pensitivity101. The three things are “shade,” “brother,” and “mobile.”

Barbershop Harmony Gone Awry

C7853B58-CA47-4A44-AEE3-EE9307C6C634My buddies and I decided to go to a karaoke bar, have a few drinks, and show off our singing prowess. After all, the four of us regular performed as a barbershop quartet at various local carnivals. So why not strut our stuff in front of the karaoke crowd?

We arrived fairly early, maybe an hour or so before the singing was scheduled to start. So naturally we started out with tequila shooters and beer chasers. By the time bar got crowded and the karaoke performances were ready to commence, my buddies and I were all three sheets to the wind.

We had signed up to sing the Crosby Stills & Nash song, “Wooden Ships,” a great song for a group of four a cappella guys to beautifully harmonize. At least that was the plan.

When we got up to sing, each of us was drunk as a skunk, and rather than a beautiful harmony, our singing was rather more of a discordant cacophony. We were unused to being confronted by boos and very tactless jeers from our audiences. And quite frankly we were shocked. We decided that the best thing to do was to stop singing, to sit down, and to shut up.

As we left the stage, the audience members started applauding our departure, displaying a mean, sarcastic gratitude for our leaving the stage. “Another round of tequila shooters and beer chasers,” one of my buddies yelled to the server when we got back to our table.

I woke up the next morning with one of the worst hangovers I’ve ever had. I walked to the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and was shocked to see that I had a black eye and a cut and swollen upper lip. I had no recollection of getting into a fight or falling the night before. But I did come to the conclusion that excessive tequila shooters with beer chasers are not good for one’s health.

Written for these daily prompts: Word of the Day Challenge (karaoke), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (cacophony), Your Daily Word Prompt (tactless), Ragtag Daily Prompt (gratitude), and The Daily Spur (health).

50 Word Thursday — Drunk Again

4F12D8C8-7323-41EE-9CC6-557DD3525485Suzanne walked across the street, rang the bell, and waited for Ellen to answer the door. Ellen could readily see that Suzanne had been crying. Obviously, Suzanne’s husband, who is the local preacher they sarcastically called “Elmer Gantry,” was drunk again.

Ellen hugged Suzanne. “We need to talk,” she said.

(50 words)

Written for this week’s 50 Word Thursday from Teresa at The Haunted Wordsmith. The idea is to use the picture above and the line “Elmer Gantry was drunk” from the Sinclair Lewis book Elmer Gantry, and to craft a story between 50 and 250 words, in 50 word increments.

Hell Hath No Fury

61A1D6D9-F978-4733-B38E-F762948D1B5FI have no idea how it got there, I swear,” Tim said.

“You’re drunk!” Alicia said, tears welling up in her eyes. “You waltz in here at almost midnight, barely able to stand up, slurring your words, smelling like her perfume, and you have the nerve to tell me that you have no idea how her lipstick on got on your collar?”

“Okay, fine, but I promise you, babe, nothing happened,” Tim insisted. “Yes, I had dinner with your sister at her apartment, but it was just dinner and a bottle of wine. We were both a bit tipsy, and she said wanted me to sleep with her. But I told her no. So we hugged before I left, and she must have smudged her lipstick on my collar in order to cause a rift between you and me. You know how she’s always been jealous of you.”

“My husband and my sister, huh?” Alicia said. She smiled at Tim, moved in close to him and whispered tenderly in his ear, “You always said that you’re a family man.”

She plunged the kitchen knife deep into his gut. Still smiling, Alicia said, “Let me remind you of something you should have learned in English lit, Tim. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”

As the light started to fade from Tim’s eyes, Alicia added, “Don’t fret, sweetheart, my jealous sister will soon be learning this same lesson.”

Written for yesterday’s Story Starter Challenge from Teresa (aka The Haunted Wordsmith). The story starter is, “I have no idea how it got there.”

Friday Fictioneers — Broken Glass

0c69accd-7a1d-41a5-a75f-c263834bcc78I was just about to go to the glass shop to get an estimate to replace the glass in the door when my wife stopped me.

“No, I don’t want you to fix it,” she said. “Leave the tape on the glass.”

“Why would you want to leave it that way?” I asked. “It looks terrible.”

“I want you to leave it that way,” she said, “so you will be reminded every time you enter our house the damage you do when you come home drunk. This time it was the glass you broke. Last time it was my nose.”

(100 words)

Written for the Friday Fictioneers prompt from Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Photo credit: Dale Rogerson.