Share Your World — Bah Humbug

This week’s Share Your World prompt, from Melanie at Sparks From a Combustible Mind, has a distinct Christmas theme. I suppose that’s understandable for this time of year, just a week before Christmas.

I’m not a big Christmas guy, so if you’re not ready to read bah humbug answers to today’s SYW questions, move along.

What traditional Christmas decoration is actually a parasitic plant?

I read somewhere that poinsettia berries are poisonous and if you have a cat, you should keep them away from poinsettias. But as to parasitic, I think that would be mistletoe.88423188-481D-4611-8E3B-9456BB8E103C

Name something about this holiday season (whatever version you may celebrate) that most people like, but you dislike?

Christmas music. It’s inescapable at this time of year.E2C1618C-71D8-4E92-8A8F-E895C16E9CB5

What’s your favorite – or least favorite –  song sung traditionally at this time of year?

My favorite holiday song is none. I could easily live out the rest of my life never having to hear another “traditional” holiday song.

In the song “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer,” what “incriminating” evidence was found on Grandma’s back?

I have no idea, as I’ve never heard that song. But maybe a broken red nose?

What would you like to share with the world, if time or cost were no object?

The arrest and conviction of Donald J. Trump and his three adult kids. That would bring joy to the world in this holiday season.5F3BBDAF-45BD-4CA7-979E-EC3C86EA6901

The Office Christmas Party

Christmas Gifts

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” the old man standing at the head of the table said after clearing his throat. “Now that we are all gathered here, it’s time for my annual Christmas message.”

A slight murmur ran through the group of about thirty people crowded into the largest of the three meeting rooms at the company’s modest facility.

The speaker once again cleared his throat. “Our small firm has had an outstanding year. In fact, it was the best year in our twenty-four year history, and that’s saying a lot in these tough economic times.” He looked around the room, a smug, self-satisfied expression appearing on his rather long, horse-like face.

“I know that each and every one of you has worked extraordinarily hard, especially in the second half of the year, to contribute to our success. Please give yourselves a round of applause.”

A somewhat less than enthusiastic clapping ensued. Mark looked at Steven and gave an eye roll.

The owner continued, “Monday is Christmas Day and our offices will be closed that day and on Tuesday as well, so that you can all have a four day weekend with your families to celebrate Christmas.”

After a slight cough, he continued. “And, as small token of my appreciation for the hard work all of you have done this year, I’d like to present each of you with a gift.”

“Yeah, like the Christmas tree ornament he gave us last year with a picture of himself, his wife, and his daughter on it,” Steven whispered to Mark.

“Nah,” replied Mark. “It’s got to be better than that. We did have a banner year.”

“Monica,” the owner said to his wife, “Will you and Jessica please hand out the presents?” Wife and daughter went around the room handing each employee a small, meticulously wrapped box.

Once all of the boxes had been distributed, Monica and Jessica joined the owner at the head of the conference room table.

“Settle down, people,” the owner said. “My family and I want to wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year. May 2018 be as successful for all of us as was 2017.”

Steven opened the box Monica had handed to him and looked inside. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he said loud enough to attract the attention of about half a dozen others sitting near him. Mark opened his box, shook his head, and did yet another eye roll when he saw its contents.

Inside the box was a small red and white striped candy cane, four Hershey’s kisses, a Christmas decorated sugar cookie wrapped in clear plastic wrap with a Santa sticker on top, a $5 Starbucks gift card, and a cardboard framed photograph of the owner with his wife and daughter.

“Hey fellas,” the guy from accounting sitting on Mark’s opposite side said. “It’s a little better than last year’s family portrait Christmas tree ornament.”

“Bah humbug,” groused Steven, who stood up and stormed out of the room, leaving his Christmas present sitting on the meeting room table.

Manic Monday — Summertime Blues

Image result for crowded beach

Who doesn’t like summertime? Kids love summertime because they don’t have to go to school. Parents love summertime because they can take family vacations. People love summertime because the weather is warmer and the days last longer.

I don’t like summertime. It’s hot. It’s muggy. There is thunder and lightning, which is very, very frightening…to my dog. And to me.

There are mosquitoes. I hate mosquitoes. And ticks. I hate ticks even more than I hate mosquitoes. The grass grows like crazy in the summertime, which is just another chore that eats into my precious blogging time.

And then there are the kids. They’re off school. They’re everywhere. Those damn rug rats run around screeching and making messes with their melting ice cream cones and gooey chocolate candy to step in or sit on. The lines to get in anywhere are longer than during any other season because of all those freakin’ kids who are on their damn family vacations.

And talking about overcrowding, try going to any beach in the summertime. What a zoo!

Because of the laws of supply and demand, gas prices go up in the summertime. The highways are jammed with vacationers traveling hither and yon, making getting from point A to Point B take at least twice as long.

So go ahead, people, and celebrate summertime. I offer you a big, fat bah humbug to this crazy season. I’m just going to sit here, stew, and write a post about how I have a bad case of the summertime blues.

This post is written for this week’s Manic Monday prompt from Sandi over at Flip Flops Every Day.

And for what it’s worth, I don’t really hate summertime. Well, not as much as one might think after reading this post, anyway.