Fake Numbers


Wolf Blitzer’s latest breaking news: “Fandango’s polls are seriously slipping.”

Rachel Maddow’s shocking new exclusive report: “This, That, and The Other is in disarray over falling numbers.”

Jake Trapper’s lead story: “Are Fandago’s days numbered?”

Chris Matthews asked, “How much longer can this bumbler last?”

After many hours of avoiding reporters, Fandango was finally corralled by Andrea Mitchell. “Fandango! Fandango!” She called out. “What do you have to say about your falling numbers.”

Fandango looked down at her. “Fake numbers, little Andrea, fake numbers. The mainstream media’s stats can’t be trusted. They’re the worst. They’re all fake. You know, when you’re a star blogger, you can grab a reporter by her microphone and get away with it,” he defiantly said.

“It’s not fake, sir,” Andrea responded. “These numbers come right from the WordPress stats page. How do you respond?”

“My stats are the greatest,” Fandango said. “I have the best stats, believe me. Everyone says so. You know it. I know it. Everyone knows it.”

“But the numbers aren’t fake,” Andrea retorted.

“Then someone has hacked my WordPress account.”

“Was it the Russians?”

“It could have been Russia. It could have been China. It could have been some 400 pound fatty sitting on his bed in New Jersey. No one can really know.”

“But Fandango….”

Fandango cut her off. “I have to go. I need to go collude with someone. Where the hell is Fandango, Jr.?”