I just read this amusing post from Marilyn Armstrong in which she pointed out that the English language is hard and it doesn’t always make sense. Her post reminded me of something I read on the internet years ago and I thought I’d share it with you in case you hadn’t seen it before.
In 1998, the German automobile company Daimler-Benz announces a $36 billion merger with the United States-based Chrysler Corporation. Shortly after the merger, directors at Daimler Benz and Chrysler announced an agreement to adopt English as the preferred language for communications, rather than German, which was another possibility.
As part of the negotiations, directors at Chrysler conceded that English spelling has some room for improvement and have accepted a five-year phase-in plan. In the first year, the letter s will be used instead of the soft c. Also, the hard c will be replased with k. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but komputers would have one less letter.
There will be growing kompany enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ph will be replased by f. This will make words like “fotograf” 20 persent shorter.
In the third year, DaimlerKrysler akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible.
DaimlerKrysler will enkourage the removal of double letters, whish have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent e in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps sush as replasing th with z and w by v.
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary u kan be droped from vords kontaining ou, and similar shanges vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis, and employes vil find it ezi to kommunikat viz eash ozer.
Ov kors al supliers vil be expekted to yus zis for al busines komunikashun via DaimlerKrysler.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German, lik zey vunted in ze first plas.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru.
This, That, and the Other 
OMFG, F.!
I’d hafta insist on ADDING some letters, sometime. Like now: I’m feelin there ain’t enough O’s to stick into “Goooooood!” to express my fondness for this piece. Peace!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I think I read it before, but a long time ago and it’s still very funny.
LikeLiked by 2 people
😂🤣
LikeLiked by 1 person
I loved her post
LikeLiked by 1 person
Me too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙏🏼
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is wonderful — simplification over=simplified!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Took me a second, lol
LikeLiked by 2 people
Bloody hilarious…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahaha too funny!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s all Greek to me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great post!
Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPad
LikeLiked by 1 person
Brilliant, and totally new to me!
LikeLiked by 1 person
This was actually a thing that was championed by Col. McCormick at the Chicago Tribune… https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English-language_spelling_reform
It wasn’t quite this drastic, tho…
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s probably long overdue.
LikeLike
They were talking about it almost a hundred years ago, believe it or not.
LikeLiked by 1 person