Confessions to a Bartender

“I’ve had it,” Malcolm declared. “That’s the last straw.” He took a large swig of beer from his mug. “There’s only so far a woman can push her man, you know what I’m sayin’, pal?”

Mick, the bartender, nodded.

“That spouse of mine don’t know her place, dammit,” Malcolm groused. “You know what she had the nerve to say to me?”

Mick shook his head from side to side.

“She said that I smell bad, that I have a pungent odor that she finds offensive,” Malcolm said. “Can you believe that? Then she says I need to spruce myself up, clean up my act, she tells me. Or else she’s gonna leave me. Imagine her threatening to leave me? How draconian is that, for crissake?”

“Mal,” Mick said, “have you ever taken note about how nobody ever sits next to you when you’re sitting here at the bar? In fact, you’re given a pretty wide berth. Do you know why that is, Mal?”

“Enlighten me,” Malcolm sarcastically said.

“Allow me to be blunt, Mal,” Mick said. “You really do smell bad. Pungent is a euphemism. You stink to high heaven. Do you ever bathe?”

“Of course I bathe,” Malcolm said. “Every other Saturday.”

Mick looked at Malcolm and said, “Listen, pal, go home, shave, shower, brush your teeth, comb your hair, put on some aftershave, get dressed in some clean clothes, take your wife out to her favorite restaurant, and pay attention to her. Listen to her. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll manage to salvage your marriage.”

Written for these daily prompts: Ragtag Daily Prompt (it), The Daily Spur (push), Fandango’s One Word Challenge (spouse), My Vivid Blog (pungent), Your Daily Word Prompt (spruce), and Word of the Day Challenge (draconian).

6 thoughts on “Confessions to a Bartender

  1. Paula Light December 13, 2022 / 7:06 pm

    LOL. I had to tell my first ex-husband to shower more often. He just didn’t know! Luckily, he didn’t get angry about it…

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Rob's Surf Report December 13, 2022 / 10:25 pm

    “you’ll manage to salvage your marriage.” What a nice, poetic ending!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Nope, Not Pam December 14, 2022 / 2:02 am

    My hubby once told me I should smarten up, I replied you should lose weight, your fat. 😡

    Liked by 3 people

  4. leigha66 January 13, 2023 / 9:07 pm

    I have known a couple of guys who took too much of an extended break in between showers. I don’t get it… don’t they FEEL dirty or gross?

    Liked by 1 person

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