Oh, If Looks Could Kill

“I can’t believe that you ordered venison for dinner,” my wife said. “We have deer in our backyard and they are such beautiful, graceful animals.”

“First of all,” I said, “deer belong in the pristine wilderness, not in our backyard. Second of all, they are eating all of our plants, shrubs, and trees and killing them. So if they can eat all of my expensive plants, I can eat them.”

“You’re ridiculous,” she said. “It’s people like you who eat innocent animals that will be the reason deer will become extinct. You’re heartless.”

“I’m not a hunter, but left unchecked, deer will overrun the areas they inhabit, resulting in an adverse effect on the ecosystem,” I said. “So it’s important to properly facilitate and manage the size of the herd.”

“Didn’t you ever watch “Bambi”? It was heartbreaking when the hunters shot Bambi’s mother. I know you think this will sound a bit quirky, but I’m going to start a petition to ban the shooting of deer.”

“Not quirky,” I said, “ridiculous. Bambi was a Disney cartoon. But hey, do your thing, sweetheart. I’m going to finish this delicious cut of venison. Wanna bite?

Oh, If looks could kill! I thought


Written for these daily prompts: E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (venison), Word of the Day Challenge (pristine), The Daily Spur (wilderness), Your Daily Word Prompt (facilitate), My Vivid Blog (quirky), and Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (petition).

Note from Fandango: I’ve never eaten venison. The person in this story is not me. The photo above, however, was taken in my backyard.


23 thoughts on “Oh, If Looks Could Kill

  1. Sadje April 14, 2022 / 7:39 pm

    A relationship of mutual distrust

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Lou Carreras April 14, 2022 / 7:43 pm

    It’s a big problem here in Massachusetts. Too many deer and they find expensive landscaping tasty. They stroll through the woods in back of our house, see all the native plants, and keep on going. they’re looking for exotic munchies.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Fandango April 14, 2022 / 10:17 pm

      They have expensive tastes.

      Like

  3. Nope, Not Pam April 14, 2022 / 8:32 pm

    I’d be giving you the same look 😡

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Marleen April 14, 2022 / 8:39 pm

    That deer is SO cute!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Marleen April 14, 2022 / 8:41 pm

      Oh. There are two.
      I was looking at the baby.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Marleen April 14, 2022 / 8:44 pm

        All are
        beautiful,
        and I have a
        few sets of antlers.

        I have never killed a dear, but
        I’ve eaten deer meat more than once.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Fandango April 14, 2022 / 10:20 pm

      And has a voracious appetite.

      Like

      • Marleen April 15, 2022 / 10:45 am

        I was going to share a name of a particular evergreen I read is deer resistant or that deer don’t care to eat, or something like that. I was going to put at least one or two in my Saint Louis yard on the end where I am going to be taking out a very large but dying evergreen. However, I subsequently read that the deer like them. How can both things be printed on sites about greenery “with a straight face?”

        Liked by 1 person

  5. cagedunn April 14, 2022 / 9:14 pm

    They’re a feral pest in our national parks and forested areas. And dangerous when trekking/bush walking.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. emkingston April 14, 2022 / 10:24 pm

    The wife and I share the same sentiment, but deep down I know that they can get out of control and start becoming a problem on highways. I don’t agree that they are pests though.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. CARAMEL April 15, 2022 / 3:59 am

    Yes…as an almost lifelong vegetarian…it’s best I don’t say anything.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. pensitivity101 April 15, 2022 / 6:03 am

    Lovely photo Fandango, though I can understand frustrations. I remember the movie The Yearling
    and I cried at that.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. JT Twissel April 15, 2022 / 11:39 am

    My father was a deer hunter but I could never stand venison. What an adorable fawn. Perfect addition to your garden.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Fandango April 15, 2022 / 12:44 pm

      Maybe I should stuff it! 😉

      Like

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