“I can’t believe that you ordered venison for dinner,” my wife said. “We have deer in our backyard and they are such beautiful, graceful animals.”
“First of all,” I said, “deer belong in the pristine wilderness, not in our backyard. Second of all, they are eating all of our plants, shrubs, and trees and killing them. So if they can eat all of my expensive plants, I can eat them.”
“You’re ridiculous,” she said. “It’s people like you who eat innocent animals that will be the reason deer will become extinct. You’re heartless.”
“I’m not a hunter, but left unchecked, deer will overrun the areas they inhabit, resulting in an adverse effect on the ecosystem,” I said. “So it’s important to properly facilitate and manage the size of the herd.”
“Didn’t you ever watch “Bambi”? It was heartbreaking when the hunters shot Bambi’s mother. I know you think this will sound a bit quirky, but I’m going to start a petition to ban the shooting of deer.”
“Not quirky,” I said, “ridiculous. Bambi was a Disney cartoon. But hey, do your thing, sweetheart. I’m going to finish this delicious cut of venison. Wanna bite?
Oh, If looks could kill! I thought
Written for these daily prompts: E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (venison), Word of the Day Challenge (pristine), The Daily Spur (wilderness), Your Daily Word Prompt (facilitate), My Vivid Blog (quirky), and Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (petition).
Note from Fandango: I’ve never eaten venison. The person in this story is not me. The photo above, however, was taken in my backyard.