In what is now a weekly prompt, Rory has a new batch of Weekend Quickie questions for us to ponder.
How effective are willy warmers for keeping the chill out?
Not effective at all. Due to a phenomenon known as “shrinkage,” when a willy gets chilly, it tends to get smaller, as if attempting to recede back into the body for warmth. Thus, willy warmers fall off the willy when it’s chilly. That’s science, man.
Have you ever ignited a bottom breeze?
What adolescent male hasn’t ignited a fart at least once in his life? As The Rolling Stones once sang, “It’s a gas, gas, gas.”
If you had to have one hand tied behind your back for one day a week for the rest of your life which one would it be and why?
My left hand. It’s close to useless.
How many cabbage leaves does it take to turn on the average human?
Say what? Cabbage leaves are a turn on? Who knew?
How old is too old and what is too old anyway?
I’ll let you know when I get there.
Are you a bubble wrapper popper?
I used to be, but it frightens my dog and annoys my wife, so not anymore.
Is it legal to paint a tree in the wild?
I don’t think I’ve ever heard or read of any laws saying that it’s illegal to paint a tree in the wild, but at my age, I rarely go in the wild anymore, so who knows?
Why is the color red used to describe love and passion?
Because red provokes the strongest emotions of any color. It is considered the warmest of the colors and, being linked to passion and love as well as power and anger, it has more emotional associations than any other color. That’s why all of my willy warmers are red.
How many banned books have you ever read and what were they?
I don’t know if it was actually banned, but I remember as a young teenager getting my hands on a book called The Story of O, which was a French erotic novel (the copy I had was translated to English). All I remember is that it was about a woman named O who was into oral sex.
What is the most unusual drink you have ever drunk when sober?
When I lived in Texas, the non-alcoholic beverage of choice seemed to be Dr Pepper. It wasn’t at all unusual in Texas, but it was (and I assume, still is) awful.
Who said, “Oh man, what are you doing with a gun in space?” And who were they talking to?
I was going to say that it was one of the lyrics in the song “Space Cowboy” from the Steve Miller band, but then I Googled the lyrics and it’s not in there.