“If you want to avoid having another heart attack,” Arnold’s cardiologist said, “you need to lose some weight, get more exercise, and cut way down on your sodium intake.”
“No need to be vulgar, Mr. Cooperman,” the doctor said. “I didn’t say you have to eliminate all salt, just cut back. I must insist, or the next time I see you, they might be wheeling you in on a slab.”
“I think that a salt-free diet being good for you is a spurious claim,” Arnold complained. “I swear, it’s like one of you so-called medical experts publishes some sort of study and then the rest of you jump on the bandwagon. It’s like you’re all guilty of plagiarism. And then another “expert” publishes a new study two years later that refutes the earlier study. So which is it, Doc? Is caffeine bad for you or not? What about wine? Okay or not okay? How about eggs? Should I be on a low carb diet or increase my intake of carbohydrates? Are you going to tell me at next year’s annual physical that I need more sodium in my diet because you read an article in the most recent issue of the New England Journal of Medicine?
“I’m sorry that you feel that way, Mr. Cooperman. Medical science is ever evolving, and as we learn new things, we adjust our recommendations when it comes to living a healthy life. I understand it can sometimes seem confusing.”
“Confusing? More like head-spinning,” Arnold said. “Doc, I think you’re all a bunch of quacks and I’d rather live my life on my terms than try to follow the bouncing ball of your medical science. That’s why I refuse to get vaccinated. I saw on Fox News that more people are dying from the COVID vaccinations than from the disease itself.”
“And if you heard it on Fox News, Mr. Cooperman, it must be true,” the doctor said. “Here, let me give you a prescription for Ivermectin. You can take the pill twice a day and wash it down with full glass of Clorox to which you’ve added half a cup of salt. That will protect you from COVID and will fix you right up.”
“Gee, thanks, Doc,” Arnold said.
“I was being facetious, Mr. Cooperman,” the doctor said. “Now, at the risk of being vulgar, get the fuck out of my office and don’t come back.”
Written for these daily prompts: The Daily Spur (sodium), Ragtag Daily Prompt (ditch), E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (lifeless), Your Daily Word Prompt (vulgar), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (insist), Word of the Day Challenge (spurious), and My Vivid blog (plagiarism).