FFfPP — Where Are We?

“We’re lost,” David said.

“We’re not lost” Marc replied.

“So where the hell are we if we’re not lost?”

Marc held up his iPhone. “Still no signal,” he said.

“That doesn’t matter,” David said. “Even when you had a signal, Google Maps couldn’t find us. We’re fucking lost.”

“Wait a second,” Marc said. “I see something up ahead. It looks like a milepost of some sort.”

“It’s about time,” David said. “Maybe we’ll finally get our bearings.”

The two men, hungry and tired, made their way to the colorful milepost. They looked up at the signpost and then looked at each other. David sighed and said to Marc, “Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”

Written for Roger Shipp’s Flash Fiction for the Purposeful Practitioner. Photo credit: Alexander Schimmeck on Unsplash.

5 Things I Need to Keep Telling Myself

Dr. Tanya asks us to list 5 things we we need to keep telling ourselves in these days of the pandemic.

1. I don’t need to shower every day. Every other day is fine. Especially during a drought.

2. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Especially if I’m not going to shower every day.

3. A half pint of Ben & Jerry’s Stephen Colbert’s Americone Dream ice cream after dinner each night never hurt anyone.

4. A cannabis-infused marshmallow makes the news less depressing.

5. Exercising is a waste of time and energy. Netflix and chill is far superior.

Fatherly Advice

“You need to learn to apply yourself, Teddy,” Alan said. “Don’t let anyone block your path or you’ll be in jeopardy of failing. Life offers us a preponderance of evidence that sometimes lines must be crossed to achieve your goals. You should avoid acting on impulse and instead carefully plan how to scintillate and to stand out in order to get what’s coming to you.”

Elizabeth looked at her husband and said, “Jeez, Alan, he’s not going into politics. He’s three years old and he’s starting pre-school today.” Then she looked at her young son and said, “Would you like me to make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch, honey?”

“Thanks, Mommy,” Teddy said and hugged his mother.

Written for these daily prompts: Scott’s Daily Prompt (apply yourself), Ragtag Daily Prompt (block), Word of the Day Challenge (jeopardy), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (preponderance), My Vivid Blog (lines), E.M.’s Random Word Prompt (impulse), Your Daily Word Prompt (scintillate), and The Daily Spur (jelly). Image credit: istockphotos.com.

Did You Order Yet?

The U.S. government website, covidtests.gov, went live yesterday. You now can order up to four at-home COVID-19 rapid test kits and have them delivered to your home address for free: free tests, free shipping, tax free. If you live in the U.S., you should order your test kits, too. It’s easy-peasy. I ordered mine yesterday.

Of course, if you’re one of those who still believes that COVID-19 is a hoax, is a liberal Democratic conspiracy to rob you of your freedom to be a selfish asshole, or that your God-given natural immunities will protect you, then never mind. You may want to try some other at home remedies your fellow Republicans have recommended, like drinking or injecting bleach, taking Ivermectin, the medicine used to treat parasites in horses, or chugging your own urine. And good luck.