Beating the Heat

It’s sweltering outside and the air conditioning is on the fritz, so I suggested to my husband that we strip naked, get in the car, turn the air conditioning on, and drive around town to stay cool. He balked.

He’s aged into such a meek, mild-mannered guy. He’s lost the sense of adventure he once had, and that adventuresome nature was one of the qualities he had that attracted me to him. But the reason we don’t have functioning air conditioning in our house is because he’s too parsimonious to spend the money on having it fixed. He claims that all of those HVAC repairman are venal people whose intentions are to swindle old folks like us and he doesn’t want to be abused by those con artists.

But I suppose he’s right about not wanting to strip naked and ride around town aimlessly in an air conditioned car. First of all, that wouldn’t be environmentally prudent. But on top of that, given my old, saggy boobs and his ample beer belly, I don’t think exposing our old bodies to our neighbors would be his favorite way to beat the heat.

So I finally suggested a romantic bubble bath and, believe it or not, he agreed. I guess he still has a few adventurous bones in his body.


Written for these daily prompts: Ragtag Daily Prompt (sweltering), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (meek), Word of the Day Challenge (parsimonious), Your Daily Word Prompt (venal), The Daily Spur (abused), and My Vivid Blog (favorite).

Fibbing Friday — Superstitions

Frank (aka PCGuy) and Di (aka Pensitivity101) alternate as hosts for Fibbing Friday, a silly little exercise where we are to write a post with our answers to the ten questions below. But as the title suggests, truth is not an option. The idea is to fib a little, a lot, tell whoppers, be inventive, silly, or even outrageous, in our responses. Today is Di’s turn to host and here are her questions.

1. What does it mean if you have an itchy right palm?

It means that you masturbate too often.

2. On the other hand, what does it mean if you have an itchy left?

It means that you’re ambidextrous.

3. Why is it considered good luck to find a horseshoe?

Because there is often a valuable horse attached to it.

4. Why is saying ‘Bless you’ when someone sneezes considered to be good luck?

Because if you said “Shut the f*ck up” instead, you might get punched in the nose, and that’s not good at all.

5. Why do we say ‘Find a penny, pick it up?’

Because the value of the metal used to make a penny, if melted down, is worth more than one cent.

6. Why do we ‘knock on wood?’

Because most doors are made out of wood and if you want to enter a room, it’s common courtesy to knock on the door before entering.

7. Why is the number 666 considered unlucky?

Because three of anything is a crowd.

8. Why do some people believe it’s unlucky to step on the cracks in the pavement?

For the same reason that some people believe that the number 666 is unlucky.

9. Why do we cross our fingers for good luck?

We cross our fingers behind our backs when we’re telling a lie in the hope that we won’t get caught in the lie (as in “cross my fingers and hope to die if I’m telling a lie.”)

10. Why is it unlucky to open an umbrella indoors?

Because it never rains indoors and opening an umbrella indoors makes you look like a moron.

Thursday Inspiration — Lonely Teardrops

I wake up every morning since you’ve been gone and my pillow is soaked from having cried all night long.

I can’t believe that you left me after all we’ve been through together. My heart is broken and I can’t stop these lonely teardrops streaming from my eyes.

Won’t you please come home and give our love just one more chance? I know if you do we can rekindle our romance.

Please, my darling, say that you will come back home to me. You won’t regret it my love. Just say you will. Please say you will.


Written for Jim Adams’ Thursday Inspiration prompt, with a special not to Jackie Wilson.

Fandango’s Flashback Friday — August 13th

Wouldn’t you like to expose your newer readers to some of your earlier posts that they might never have seen? Or remind your long term followers of posts that they might not remember? Each Friday I will publish a post I wrote on this exact date in a previous year.

How about you? Why don’t you reach back into your own archives and highlight a post that you wrote on this very date in a previous year? You can repost your Friday Flashback post on your blog and pingback to this post. Or you can just write a comment below with a link to the post you selected.

If you’ve been blogging for less than a year, go ahead and choose a post that you previously published on this day (the 13th) of any month within the past year and link to that post in a comment.


This was originally posted on August 13, 2017.

Manscaping

unshaved man with foam

My wife asked me the other day if I’d ever heard the term “manscaping.”

Uh oh, I thought. This is surely a set up question. It’s a “Honey, do you think I look fat in these jeans?” kind of question. If I say “no,” she’ll accuse me of being dishonest and of patronizing her. If I say “yes,”…well, I don’t even want to think about that.

I thought for a moment about the word in question and figured it had something to do with lawn care. Then I thought perhaps this was a lead in to being taken to task for paying a landscaping company to do that sort of stuff instead of saving us money and doing it myself.

I still wasn’t sure what it meant, so I asked her to ’splain it to me. “You know how women often trim their pubic hair, get a ‘bikini’ or a ‘Brazilian’ trim,” she explained. “Well, manscaping is when men shave or trim their body hair.”

“You mean down there?” I asked, pointing toward my groin while moving my legs tightly together in a crotch-protecting stance. “Why would a guy do that to himself?” The word “ouch” came to mind.

My wife patiently explained that men might engage in manscaping for the same reason that women shave their arm pits, their legs, and shave or trim their pubic hair. It’s cleaner, it’s smoother, it’s sexier.

I’m a relatively hairy guy. I have thick, flowing hair covering much of my body. Except, of course, on the top of my head, which is the only place I would actually want to have thick, flowing hair.

When I was in late adolescence and young adulthood, I couldn’t wait for my chest hair to grow. Back then, a hairy chest was considered manly, masculine, and a sign of virility. By the time I was in my mid-twenties, I had acquired a thick, fur-like covering of chest hair. My back and shoulders were also nearly as hairy as my chest. And I was blessed (or some might think cursed) with a thick patch of the short-curlies “down there.”

I hadn’t given much thought to my abundant body hair until my wife asked me about manscaping. I was content with, and maybe even a little proud of, my man-fur. It simply never occurred to me that some might think it gross or perhaps a bit too Neanderthal.

I Googled “manscaping” to see what it’s all about and was surprised to find more than five million hits. I came across an article in The Daily Beast with the dubious headline, Why ‘Manscaping’ Isn’t Just for Porn Stars Anymore.

It seems that male deforestation is gaining in popularity and is moving into the mainstream of men’s grooming habits. There’s even a term for the male equivalent of the Brazilian female trim, the article noted. It’s called the “Boyzilian.” Cute, eh?

Not so cute, though, was when the same article mentioned that some guys regularly get their butt cracks waxed. Hey, that’s TMI.

Manscaping has become a big business. One site suggested that “keeping a neatly trimmed chest, back, shoulders…and more…will make you appear cleaner and send the message that you care about grooming.” I did not know that.

And I was shocked when I read in that same article that “nobody likes a hairy back and shoulders.” Omigod, nobody likes me!

It’s not as if I needed yet another reason to shun being seen in public in a bathing suit. Now I’ve got to be concerned about causing people to puke when they see my disgustingly hairy back and gross hairy shoulders that nobody likes!

Well, it is what it is. I am not going to succumb to this ludicrous manscaping trend. I’m announcing here and now that there is no way any hair removal wax, razor, or shaver is going to get anywhere near my body below my neck. I may be hairier than the average bear, but it’s who I am.

But wait. Could my wife have been giving me a not so subtle hint that I need to step up my grooming a notch? Hmm.

FOWC with Fandango — Meek

FOWCWelcome to August 13, 2021 and to Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (aka, FOWC). It’s designed to fill the void after WordPress bailed on its daily one-word prompt.

I will be posting each day’s word just after midnight Pacific Time (US).

Today’s word is “meek.”

Write a post using that word. It can be prose, poetry, fiction, non-fiction. It can be any length. It can be just a picture or a drawing if you want. No holds barred, so to speak.

Once you are done, tag your post with #FOWC and create a pingback to this post if you are on WordPress. Please check to confirm that your pingback is there. If not, please manually add your link in the comments.

And be sure to read the posts of other bloggers who respond to this prompt. You will marvel at their creativity.