Day: July 2, 2021

First Line Friday — The Monster in the Mirror

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I am the monster of every story. Or at least that’s how my so-called friends have been characterizing me lately. They tell me that my behavior is far too boisterous for their taste, even calling it at time egregious. Their overview of me is that there is something seriously off about me and that I’ve totally lost my way.

But that’s fine. I don’t need those elitist, judgy people around me. All they do is bring me down. I can do just fine on my own, even if it means living on the streets and having to panhandle in the park in order to survive. Everyone else can go fuck themselves.

Written for the Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie First Line Friday prompt, where the first line is, “I am the monster of every story.” Also for these daily prompts: Word of the Day Challenge (boisterous), Your Daily Word Prompt (egregious), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (overview), The Daily Spur (lost), Ragtag Daily Prompt (off), and MMA Storytime (panhandle).

Fibbing Friday — Marital Bliss?

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Frank (aka PCGuy) and Di (aka Pensitivity101) alternate as hosts for Fibbing Friday, a silly little exercise where we are to write a post with our answers to the ten questions below. But as the title suggests, truth is not an option. The idea is to fib a little, a lot, tell whoppers, be inventive, silly, or even outrageous, in our responses. Today is Di’s turn to host and here are her questions.

1. What is the significance of ‘jumping the broomstick’?

It’s what the bride does at a witch wedding just after taking the vows.

2. What is a bottom drawer/Hope chest?

It’s where the newly married husband hides all of his porn.

3. Why is it considered unlucky to wear green at a wedding?

Because it will clash with the green with envy expressions on the faces of the other bride wannabes in attendance.

4. Why is the chief bridesmaid referred to as a Matron of Honor?

Because she’s usually older and matronly.

5. What is the duty of the Best Man?

To try to talk the groom out of getting married.

6. What is a Groom’s Cake?

It’s a cake baked in the shape of the groom’s favorite sport.

7. How many tiers does a traditional wedding cake have?

One tier if it’s the bride’s first marriage and one additional tier for each previous marriage.

8. Why are black cats considered a lucky token at weddings?

It means that the marriage will have nine lives.

9. Why does the bride traditionally wear a veil over her face going up the aisle?

To hide the hives that have broken out all over her face due to being so nervous.

10. Why do they call the ‘holiday’ after a wedding a honeymoon?

Because the tradition is for the bride and groom to smear their butts with honey and then to moon their wedding guests as the limousine pulls away from the reception.

Juxtaposition

Fandango19 Comments

I was reading this morning’s San Francisco Chronicle when this photo caught my eye.

The headline read, “Despite urgent warnings of fire danger, Bay Area fireworks sales are booming.” But what I found most interesting was the sign posted on the left of the fireworks booths.

And then, on the next page of the paper was this article.

The article below that headline noted that, “At least seventeen wildfires have started in California over the past week, fueled by powerful wind gusts, hot weather and dangerously dry conditions, according to state fire officials. Most have sprung up in Northern California.

Speaking about juxtaposition, I also saw these two headlines in the morning paper.

I wonder if anyone understands the concept of “cause and effect” anymore.

Friday Fictioneers — Good Times

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“I thought you sold that thing years ago,” Eddie said. “Why did you keep it?”

“Memories, man,” Kyle responded. “The two of us used to cruise around looking for chicks who wanted to party with us. Remember?”

“Of course I remember, Kyle,” Eddie said. “How about that awesome night with Jenny and Joanie in the back of the van? That was wild, wasn’t it?”

“Oh yeah, the sister act,” Kyle laughed. “That was the first time I did sisters.”

“And the last time too, I bet.”

“True,” admitted Kyle, “But we had good times in that old van, didn’t we?”

(100 words)

Written for Rochelle Wisoff-Fields Friday Fictioneers prompt. Photo credit: Russell Gayer.

Fandango’s Flashback Friday — July 2nd

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Wouldn’t you like to expose your newer readers to some of your earlier posts that they might never have seen? Or remind your long term followers of posts that they might not remember? Each Friday I will publish a post I wrote on this exact date in a previous year.

How about you? Why don’t you reach back into your own archives and highlight a post that you wrote on this very date in a previous year? You can repost your Friday Flashback post on your blog and pingback to this post. Or you can just write a comment below with a link to the post you selected.

If you’ve been blogging for less than a year, go ahead and choose a post that you previously published on this day (the 2nd) of any month within the past year and link to that post in a comment.

This was originally posted on July 2, 2017. Four years later and he’s still a sad excuse of a man. Isn’t that sad?

A Sad Excuse

I don’t know about you, but I think Donald Trump is a sad excuse for a human being, much less as President of the United States and leader of the free world.

So when I recently heard a comedian, a former politician, a news commentator, and an editorial writer for a major metropolitan newspaper say or write some quips about “The Donald” that resonated with me, I decided to post them right here on my little blog.

First there was comedian Bill Maher. He said on his HBO show the other night, “Once again, Donald Trump has taught us a valuable lesson: you can never be too rich to be white trash.”

Then I read that a former Mayor of San Francisco, Willie Brown, said he overheard a guy in a bar say, “Donald Trump handles politics the same way most people handle fireworks on the Fourth of July. Light the fuse and run like hell.”

On her weekend AM Joy show on MSNBC, Joy Reid said “Just when you think it can’t get any lower, Donald Trump redefines what rock bottom means.”

Finally, I read a comment in the editorial section of my local paper this morning. It read, “President Trump further demeans the office with a vile, misogynous tweet attacking MSNBC’s Mika Brzezinski. His dignity is hemorrhaging badly.”

As we get set to celebrate the birth of our nation here in the U.S., let’s hope that this won’t be our last true Independence Day as a free nation. The way things are going, next year at this time we may be a member nation of the Russian Federation.

And that’s no joke.