Weekend Writing Prompt — Troglodyte

“Dad, you’re such a luddite,” Stephanie said. “You’re still using a flip phone for your cellphone, your only computer is a TRS-80 from Radio Shack, you still have a fax machine and a VCR. Your television is a tube TV, and your record collection is made up of old 45s.”

“Hey, I am not a luddite,” Henry said. “I embrace technology. My typewriter is an electric one. Now excuse me while I go to my man cave and play Pac-Man on my Atari.”

“You’re not a luddide, Dad. You’re a troglodyte,” Stephanie said.

(95 words)

Written for the Weekend Writing Prompt from Sammi Cox, where the word is “troglodyte.”

Fibbing Friday — Saturday Edition

Frank (aka PCGuy) and Di (aka Pensitivity101) alternate as host for Fibbing Friday, a silly little exercise where we are to write a post with our answers to the ten questions below. But as the title suggests, truth is not an option. The idea is to fib a little, a lot, tell whoppers, be inventive, silly, or even outrageous, in our responses. Today is Frank’s turn to host and here are his questions.

1. Why is there a small plastic baby inside of a king cake?

The queen wanted to surprise her husband, the king, to let him know she was pregnant, so she had the royal baker put the small plastic baby inside the king’s cake. Sadly, the king choked and died when he accidentally swallowed the small plastic baby, marking the first time in royal history that a fetus ascended to the throne.

2. What is Three Kings Day?

It’s the day I celebrate winning $1,000 at a Las Vegas poker tournament when I won with a hand of three kings.

3. Why is Boxing Day not formally observed in the US?

Because Americans are more interested in college football bowl games at this time of year than they are in watching two sweaty men slugging it out in a ring.

4. Traditionally, Christmas Day is the first of the Twelve Days of Christmas. By that same tradition, what is today known as?

The 16th day of Chanukah.

5. Why is the US Presidential Inauguration held at noon on January 20th?

To give the outgoing president time to wrap up the official business of his term. This year, it also provides ample time to fumigate the White House in order to rid it of Donald Trump’s stink.

6. Why are the President and Vice President of the United States elected together rather than separately?

Because when they take their oaths of office, it’s til death do they part. Or at least til the next election.

7. Who swears in the President of the United States?

The Court Jester.

8. In certain US states that have lots of prairie land, there are signs warning not to drive through smoke. Why?

Those signs were misprinted and have been recalled and replaced by signs that say, “Don’t Drive While Smoking Pot.”

9. Why did Air France and British Airways suspend the use of all Concorde aircraft in 2003?

The Concorde aircraft was suspended because it was causing major air pollution.

10. Why was there no supersonic replacement for the Concorde once all of them had been decommissioned?

Too many passengers lost their hearing when the planes reached supersonic speeds and broke the sound barrier.

Friday Fictioneers — Leo’s Tavern

“Hey, Sam, let’s head over to Leo’s Tavern out on old route 13 for a few brews,” Zeke said.

“Leo’s ain’t there no more, Zeke,” Sam said.

“What do you mean Leo’s ain’t there no more?” Zeke asked.

“It’s gone!”

“Gone? You mean like gone gone?”

“Totally gone,” Sam said. “There’s even a big sign with the letters G-O-N-E painted on it where the old Leo’s sign used to be.”

“What happened to it?”

“Ever since that new interstate highway opened up,” Sam said, “hardly no one ever goes on old route 13 no more.”

“Damn,” Zeke said.

(100 words)

Written for the Friday Fictioneers prompt from Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Photo credit: Trish Nankivell.

SoCS — Boxed In

“I feel like my boss is putting me in this box,” Doug complained. “I have so much more to offer, but he tries to keep me in a box.”

“Have you talked to your boss about it, told him how you feel?” Doug’s wife Jenny asked him. “Maybe you should tell him that you’re feeling underutilized, and that you feel stuck or pigeon-holed in your job.”

“Of course I’ve talked to him,” Doug said. “I straight out told him that I didn’t like being boxed in.”

“And what did he say?” Jenny asked.

“He said that I needed to start thinking outside the box,” Doug said. “That got me so mad that I wanted to box his ears, just like my mother used to do to me when she was angry with me.”

“Your mother used to box your ears?” Jenny asked.

“Well, only when I was being bad,” Doug said. “But that’s not the point, Jenny. How does he expect me to think outside the box when our company is in the corrugated box industry? All I do all day is think about goddam boxes!”

Written for Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt, where the prompt word is “box.”